Who gives a Crap!

[Terry]

terry,

here are some hints...get all the legal docs together that you can find.

does your mother have guardianship over brother or just a family thing?

cell phone....you will come to find its your 3rd hand....you will always need to have it with you...
you need to learn to forward the house phone to the cell phone....(that is so you are not worried that someone is trying to reach you and cant)

realize...you are one person....you can only do so much...and yea...for some reason we do get paralized ...i do not know why...but i have long periods of just going kinda comatose...i think it is simple the mind trying to cope with all the stress...

somewhere is the control dude..going what the fuck is going on down there...what the hell are you peeps doing...i think when it just gets too much...he just shuts it down....and trys to reboot...i could give you an arms long list of stuff i dont get done in a day...guess what...they can use the damned dog towels...it wont kill them....i have seen people live on less than sticky buns and lemondae....
get the milk up...that stuff turns rancid....pretty fast...

o and the kindness of total strangers will amaze you. funny how our families will fuck us over in a heartbeat but total strangers will show you kindness....

No she does not have guarding-ship nobody does. My brother thinks the Government is after him and his little Social Security check. He thinks they watch him through the TV, cameras in the ceiling, and everywhere. He just got a cell phone so he can text, and thinks the gov. is now watching him through that. Everything is the GOV. He wont' go to a doctor because those doctors are working for the Gov. and he won't get his SS check. He won't pay a dime to help my mom nor care for himself.

He use to have to Cat to go to the bathroom, but he didn't want to pay for stuff he needed so now he just pushes on his stomach.

He needs those pads to put on his mattress for his bladder being so full it leaks. He won't pay a dime to buy them.

His wheelchair is 20 years old and STINKS to high heaven. We got him a new one but he doesn't like it, thinks Gov. has something installed on anything anyone gives him.

He cannot get in the bathtub any more. My sister told me how he showers, is he goes in the backyard with a bar of soap, turns on the hose and showers. So he showers like that about once every two weeks. He STINKS BAD.

He doesn't eat well, and everything he touches I wouldn't eat drink or anything, so he goes in the frig at times and drinks from containers, or picks to eat something (when he does eat) right from the frig with his filthy hands.

He cannot help it because his BRAIN is sick.

He got like this years ago. He came down with encephalitis, he had 4 brain surgery, shunt put in that no longer works but he won't go get help. He was getting 4 spinal taps a day, physical therapy had to move him around after each one because what I understand when you get many spinal taps its a catch 22. He should be on medication for his brain but stopped those 15 years ago. He has never been diagnosed as a paranoid skitziod but it is apparent with his paranoia.

He has no Medicaid he said because he doesn't go to any of these people for help because of course they are after him!

You cannot reason with him, his memory is bad, and he trust nobody!!!

 

[Terry]

just call social services then.....and report your brother....no one is taking care of him...he needs that...

you cant take it all on....the son refuses

Bones, the only thing that has kept me from doing that is my Mother this will cause her already frail state to become critical. This will kill her if I call social services but I know I must.

 

[Foxfyre]

just call social services then.....and report your brother....no one is taking care of him...he needs that...

you cant take it all on....the son refuses

Bones, the only thing that has kept me from doing that is my Mother this will cause her already frail state to become critical. This will kill her if I call social services but I know I must.

You might be surprised. If she believes he isn't well and is being cared for and helped, deep down she might feel a huge weight off her shoulders.

 

[JakeStarkey]

foxfyre and bones have this straight, I think, Terry. Commit him and save your mother. Hard choice, yea, but the two men have walked their own paths, and you are NOT responsible for the roads they have traveled.

 

[strollingbones]

just call social services then.....and report your brother....no one is taking care of him...he needs that...

you cant take it all on....the son refuses

Bones, the only thing that has kept me from doing that is my Mother this will cause her already frail state to become critical. This will kill her if I call social services but I know I must.

takes terry's hand....

honey, its gonna kill her if you dont.

the lack of good food and good medical care has gotten your brother to where he is.
he needs to be someplace he can be taken care of. but here is gonna be the problem....your mom is gonna try to take him back out...but in reality she cant care for him..social services will help i hope.

 

[strollingbones]

i guess we do terry, let us hear from you....you are in my thoughts

 

[Foxfyre]

Terry hasn't posted lately has she? Hope all is well. And yes, still on the critical prayer list.

 

[strollingbones]

lets not panic....i dont think she has ready access to a computer....she is most likely dealing with her mom...if i didnt have a computer i sure wouldnt be going out of my way to post right now

 

[JW Frogen]

Hell has a great heart.

 

[Foxfyre]

Yes she does.

I am concerned that we haven't heard from Terry though because she has a lot of stuff going on besides her Mom. More stress than any of us need for sure.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Each life struggles with its own, often secret, cares that others don't know.

I hope the both overcome their challenges.

 

[Terry]

Just wow: This will be long so let me explain what has happened:

Last year I had a talk with my sister on the phone about two scenarios. 1) What if Mom dies what will we do and 2) What if mom gets sick and can no longer work what will we do? Her answer about my brother on both questions was "That is Brother's Son's Responsibility". She also stated that she wouldn't cry if my Mom dies. Much more but you get the idea.

So I go down there, stay in my sisters house. I'm there for my mom and all seems to be going fine. Until we go to my mothers house to start to clean all the dust and stuff. As we started to clean we realized that my mother has been hiding how she hasn't been able to keep up with cleaning. The house upon first walking in is beautiful but once the cleaning starts you see the dirt. Now where I left off.

The AC went out, so I called the repair man to come out. It is shot, found a nice used one that the owner had on one of his houses he took out and put in a bigger better one and was going to sell it to us with installation for $3,300.00. Since I don't have the money nor did my sister, sister had to tell my mom and see what she wanted to do. For we had no idea if she had the money or anything. Knowing that Mom could be coming home any day and the dog/brothers Pee was reeking, and it was 90 degrees in the house. Mom had the money, but it cut into her savings, so I was told to go ahead. Sister had me ask them to do it as soon as possible.

The soonest was Monday, I told my sister that I will not be at the house that day because of brother and nephew. Oh as the repair man was there, brother and nephew were yelling at me, and saying horrible things. I was so embarrassed, and actually had to tell the repairman about brother not on meds.

Because of this I told my sister the only way I will be there is a cop is with me. And if I go over there, she can count on me calling the cops. (I had just about enough of this) I had explained over and over the night before to my sister how there is no way our Mother can take care of our brother any more for she barely could manage before, and now she will be hard pressed to even take care of herself.

On Saturday night, sister goes over to talk to brother and nephew. I didn't go of course. At 9 pm, sister returns and started to yell at me, telling me that I'm to blame for everything, to get the hell out, that she spoke to mom and she said to leave and never come back.

I couldn't get a word in, she was in a manic state with anger. I walk off, call my husband, crying, telling him to drive down here to pick me up. I waited by my sisters apartment pool for 13 hours until my husband came. I called my mother the next morning, and she hung up on me.

I'm home now, and started to do some spring cleaning, just to keep busy. I hear sparks, look behind my dryer and flames, ran to hit the fuse box and hub came home very angry. Now I have no dryer, and no money to call an electrician.

I cannot take much more, but wanted to tell you all who were so praying and wishing me well.

I only wanted the best for my mother and brother, actually the best for all. I think my mother or any person who is 78 years old and in her health deserves to live the reminder of their life relaxed without worrying about others. I have no idea what my sister told my mother, do not know what brother told sister for her to go off like that.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Terry, I am so sad for your situation, I truly, truly am. That's awful, and that would break my heart if I were in your shoes. Having said that, I would suggest you find a good counselor (we call it an "auditor" in my family) to start sorting your feelings and the situation. I will say this: you love your Mom, she has made a terrible choice that you can't 'fix' (only she can on her own), and now you must take care of yourself. This is such a terrible thing.

 

[Foxfyre]

Well nothing to say Terry other than it all just major sucks. But hold your dominion as well as you can.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Hope things are going well for you, Terry.