Abusive relationships - two points of view

[High_Gravity]

The expanded law includes hurtful language as domestic violence too.

I think I saw some cases where the man refused to talk or acknowledge his wife/partner and that was considered abuse.

These days men can't win.

I'd like to read up on those cases. Link please.

Ignoring someone can be emotional abuse.

 

[Katzndogz]

I don't believe that. There are people who crave violence.

I've had abused women tell me how they couldn't wait for the violence, because of how wonderful things became after, or because they equated the violence with love or like army said they craved the control aspect of it.

I don't believe you have had women say that they couldn't wait to be beaten because of how wonderful things will be afterward.



Women in domestic violence situations typically have low self-esteem, low self-worth and do not feel like that have a right to breathe.

Some of the women come from homes where they grew up in violence and it is all they know, others are beaten down physically and psychologically they don't feel they deserve a good life.

But I have never met a woman who was a victim of being beaten say she liked it and she looked forward to it. Not even one time.

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

 

[High_Gravity]

I don't believe you have had women say that they couldn't wait to be beaten because of how wonderful things will be afterward.



Women in domestic violence situations typically have low self-esteem, low self-worth and do not feel like that have a right to breathe.

Some of the women come from homes where they grew up in violence and it is all they know, others are beaten down physically and psychologically they don't feel they deserve a good life.

But I have never met a woman who was a victim of being beaten say she liked it and she looked forward to it. Not even one time.

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Women in abusive relationships never make a mistake and accidentally get stuck with an abuser. They are in one abusive relationship after another.

What utter bullshit.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Mark Warden, New Hampshire Rep, Apologizes For Domestic Violence Comments

A tea party-affiliated lawmaker in New Hampshire has apologized for remarks he made this week suggesting that people may "like being in abusive relationships."

State Rep. Mark Warden (R-Manchester) issued a statement Wednesday saying that he hadn't intended to "demean the victims" of domestic violence, The Concord Monitor reported Thursday morning. He also indicated that he had been talking about the role of state government when he verbally stumbled at a Tuesday committee meeting.

Another idiot R trying desperate to pretend he's a real human being - and failing. Liar.

 

[Jarlaxle]

I don't blame law enforcement for not getting involved. Many times the officer will confront the abuser only to have the abused wife turn on them. Domestic violence situations are the most dangerous calls for the police to go on simply because they never know when they will come under attack or by whom.

Even when an abused woman and it is mostly women, get out of an abusive relationship they normally go back. There are various reasons for this. Sometimes they simply like the excitement abuse brings into their lives. It's a rush. Evil Kneivel had broken every bone in his body, yet still took those risks. Some women are like that.

Some women believe the endless promises that it will never happen again. They'll say "He really loves me, he won't hurt me again."

Some women believe they are in control and have the power. "I can make him change. I can love him so much that he will change for me."

The most painful ones are the women who have gotten out of terribly abusive relationships. When confronted by the abuser, the abuser says the magic words "Come back or you will never see me again". It never fails to get the woman rushing back.

My wife volunteered at a women's shelter for a while before totally burning out after seeing them go back to the dirtbags for the thirtieth time. She told me, "The kindest thing you can do for most of those women is to shoot them in the head."

 

[Jarlaxle]

No one is defending abuse. However I don't subscribe to the notion that every women who stays in an abusive relationship is an innocent victim, and that every man who hits is a monster.

Life is more complicated than that.

Many men have been arrested for defending themselves against a psycho bitch!

 

[Jarlaxle]

Women in abusive relationships never make a mistake and accidentally get stuck with an abuser. They are in one abusive relationship after another.

Sometimes (and my wife has helped several), but not often.

 

[Jarlaxle]

No one is defending abuse. However I don't subscribe to the notion that every women who stays in an abusive relationship is an innocent victim, and that every man who hits is a monster.

Life is more complicated than that.

Back in '86, I believe, Connecticut passed a law that if police were called to a domestic abuse situation, the offender was going to jail; no ifs ands or buts. My wife had filed for divorce, but seeing she was not working and I was responsible for a mortgage, bills and 4 kids, I refused to leave.
So October 1st rolls around and when I got home from work, the wife started picking. Normally, my supper plate was in the microwave waiting for me, but this day, nothing.
I fixed myself some food while she yelled and swore at me, trying to provoke me.
I sat down at the counter on a bar stool to eat and she came up behind me and yanked me to the floor. I got up, facing her and she tagged me good on the chin. I informed her that that was not such a smart idea. Her response was to punch me again. I told her that if she tried that again, the outcome might be bleak. BAM again she hits me. I calmly informed her that she was out of chances and that I WOULD hurt her if she tried again.
Well, she rared back and let loose. I caught her by the arm and simply squeezed until she dropped to her knees. She called the cops and I was arrested for assault.
In court, I explained the situation and the charges were dropped after I saw a court approved psychologist for an anger management course.
After I explained the situation to the psychologist, he signed me off and told me to hold the papers for a month so the state though I completed the course.

Yes, sometimes life is more complicated than that.

You're lucky you didn't get jail time...or a chef's knife through the back. Should have killed her, in fact...your life is pretty much over, might as well make it worthwhile.

 

[Michelle420]

I don't believe that. There are people who crave violence.

I've had abused women tell me how they couldn't wait for the violence, because of how wonderful things became after, or because they equated the violence with love or like army said they craved the control aspect of it.

I don't believe you have had women say that they couldn't wait to be beaten because of how wonderful things will be afterward.


Women in domestic violence situations typically have low self-esteem, low self-worth and do not feel like that have a right to breathe.

Some of the women come from homes where they grew up in violence and it is all they know, others are beaten down physically and psychologically they don't feel they deserve a good life.

But I have never met a woman who was a victim of being beaten say she liked it and she looked forward to it. Not even one time.

Well in alot of ways, it makes sense. Usually after the abuser beats his spouse, there is a short lived honeymoon period afterwards when things may be wonderful.

Nobody deserves to be beaten.

Key word is the "abuser" meaning that it is abuse.

The abuser goes through a courting period after abusing the spouse.

I already covered that a page ago.

Regardless of how low a persons self-esteem, how worthless they feel or how they appear to others, Nobody deserves to be beat up in the relationship.

There is just no reason for it.

 

[Jarlaxle]

I think I saw some cases where the man refused to talk or acknowledge his wife/partner and that was considered abuse.

These days men can't win.

I'd like to read up on those cases. Link please.

Ignoring someone can be emotional abuse.

Wouldn't surprise me.

One of my cousins and his wife can go two days without exchanging more than a word or two...but I'm the first to admit they are both a little weird. (They seem happy enough...it's just that neither talks much.)

 

[Michelle420]

I don't believe that. There are people who crave violence.

I've had abused women tell me how they couldn't wait for the violence, because of how wonderful things became after, or because they equated the violence with love or like army said they craved the control aspect of it.

I don't believe you have had women say that they couldn't wait to be beaten because of how wonderful things will be afterward.



Women in domestic violence situations typically have low self-esteem, low self-worth and do not feel like that have a right to breathe.

Some of the women come from homes where they grew up in violence and it is all they know, others are beaten down physically and psychologically they don't feel they deserve a good life.

But I have never met a woman who was a victim of being beaten say she liked it and she looked forward to it. Not even one time.

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

My previous statement indicates I have met women who have been hit. I have never not even once had any woman tell me she liked her nose being broken and looked forward to it because the abuser will give her flowers later when he wants to make up.

Not even once.


Nobody deserves to be beaten.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

Fates know it would be healthier than getting beaten up every day!

 

[Rozman]

I see that Rihana is back with Chris Brown and I asked a female co worker why would a pretty and talented girl with plenty of money and a great career go back with a guy who beat the crap outta her.
She answered....the guy must be great in bed.

I am sort of hoping he beats her again....
She proved she can take a punch...
She proved she liked it.
She went back of her own free will.

I don't have any sympathy for her at all.

 

[Katzndogz]

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

My poor client and her husband were happily engaged in consensual sex. She was beating the shit out of him. She picked up the telephone reciever and beat him in the head. She knew something was wrong when she noticed him bleeding from the ear. Then she found he was unconscious. In panic she called paramedics and truthfully told them what happened. She was arrested immediately. Husband fully recovered but she couldn't get out. The poor fool of a man was calling me because he couldn't pay rent or bills because his wife hadn't told him to. The court forbid her to communicate with him. It eventually got sorted out with her release and a no contact restraining order that neither of them paid attention to.

Oh yes. Before I forget. I told him to pay the fucking bills or I would come over and beat the other side of his head in. It made him very happy.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Safe, sane, and consensual...I'd say she was 1-for-3!

To my wife's dismay, I will not be her sparring partner anymore. I'm just too worried about ending up in jail.

 

[Katzndogz]

The changes in abuse laws might do some good but I am very glad there weren't such laws when I was a newlywed. My husband and I used to beat each other up at least twice a week. It was our exercise. It was years before both of us was blood and bruise free.

 

[Jarlaxle]

I'm not sure if that sounds kinky, scary, or both...

 

[High_Gravity]

The changes in abuse laws might do some good but I am very glad there weren't such laws when I was a newlywed. My husband and I used to beat each other up at least twice a week. It was our exercise. It was years before both of us was blood and bruise free.

Were you guys in BDSM? If not, you should have tried it.

 

[High_Gravity]

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

My poor client and her husband were happily engaged in consensual sex. She was beating the shit out of him. She picked up the telephone reciever and beat him in the head. She knew something was wrong when she noticed him bleeding from the ear. Then she found he was unconscious. In panic she called paramedics and truthfully told them what happened. She was arrested immediately. Husband fully recovered but she couldn't get out. The poor fool of a man was calling me because he couldn't pay rent or bills because his wife hadn't told him to. The court forbid her to communicate with him. It eventually got sorted out with her release and a no contact restraining order that neither of them paid attention to.

Oh yes. Before I forget. I told him to pay the fucking bills or I would come over and beat the other side of his head in. It made him very happy.

Thats hot.