Abusive relationships - two points of view

[Luddly Neddite]

It's not domestic violence or abuse when a woman intentionally goads her partner into fighting just to get "it" or make up sex, or even gifts of apology. It is more appropriately called foreplay.

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

My poor client and her husband were happily engaged in consensual sex. She was beating the shit out of him. She picked up the telephone reciever and beat him in the head. She knew something was wrong when she noticed him bleeding from the ear. Then she found he was unconscious. In panic she called paramedics and truthfully told them what happened. She was arrested immediately. Husband fully recovered but she couldn't get out. The poor fool of a man was calling me because he couldn't pay rent or bills because his wife hadn't told him to. The court forbid her to communicate with him. It eventually got sorted out with her release and a no contact restraining order that neither of them paid attention to.

Oh yes. Before I forget. I told him to pay the fucking bills or I would come over and beat the other side of his head in. It made him very happy.

How come it took you four pages to come up with this fiction? You're usually much faster than that.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

I don't believe you have had women say that they couldn't wait to be beaten because of how wonderful things will be afterward.



Women in domestic violence situations typically have low self-esteem, low self-worth and do not feel like that have a right to breathe.

Some of the women come from homes where they grew up in violence and it is all they know, others are beaten down physically and psychologically they don't feel they deserve a good life.

But I have never met a woman who was a victim of being beaten say she liked it and she looked forward to it. Not even one time.

Have you talked with a lot of women in violent situations?

No, I have never had a woman tell me she liked being hit, but I have had her tell me she anticipates the fight, that she "likes it" and that I just can't understand how good "it" is after.

My previous statement indicates I have met women who have been hit. I have never not even once had any woman tell me she liked her nose being broken and looked forward to it because the abuser will give her flowers later when he wants to make up.

Not even once.


Nobody deserves to be beaten.

Two excellent posts but you may as well give it up because it doesn't fit the nutter pov that she likes it. Next, they'll be saying that rape victims asked for it.

Not surprising that rw's blame the victim.

 

[Wry Catcher]

No one knows why women choose to stay in abusive relationships. I've known MANY. One in particular was especially troubling. After months of leaving and going back, I never heard from the woman again. I assume she was murdered. I expected it.

VAWA does not help women in abusive relationships. It was ill designed and ill conceived. It just sounds good. It has a nice protective title when it does no such thing. I've seen VAWA intentionally used for personal gain, without regard as to the harm caused. Expecting and intending the harm caused. The expanded version of VAWA doesn't even require a domestic relationship. Or, even a relationship at all.

You're a ill-informed.

I wrote VAWA Grants, managed them and worked with Judges, DA's, probation, parole, US Marshall's, local institutions, legal aid and women's shelters. My deputies worked up close and personal with offenders and victims and treatment providers. VAWA provided funds and training to create collaborations which saved lives; we locked up dangerous and unstable offenders, enabled victims to obtain services necessary to keep them and their children safe; we enforced protective orders, aided PO's in the enforcement of search and seizure orders and made bench warrants an immediate priority when an offender violated court orders.

 

[Jarlaxle]

This is starting to sound alot like BDSM to me. I went to a BDSM club here once, women would strip down to their panties and walk around getting whipped, flogged, caned and one women even had someone beat her on her ass with a baseball bat, than they would go home with their husbands for hot sex. The whippings and floggings were just foreplay. Maybe abused women should just consider BDSM?

My poor client and her husband were happily engaged in consensual sex. She was beating the shit out of him. She picked up the telephone reciever and beat him in the head. She knew something was wrong when she noticed him bleeding from the ear. Then she found he was unconscious. In panic she called paramedics and truthfully told them what happened. She was arrested immediately. Husband fully recovered but she couldn't get out. The poor fool of a man was calling me because he couldn't pay rent or bills because his wife hadn't told him to. The court forbid her to communicate with him. It eventually got sorted out with her release and a no contact restraining order that neither of them paid attention to.

Oh yes. Before I forget. I told him to pay the fucking bills or I would come over and beat the other side of his head in. It made him very happy.

How come it took you four pages to come up with this fiction? You're usually much faster than that.

No, it's a real case; I recall it from several years back.

Kindly fuck off now.

 

[Katzndogz]

The changes in abuse laws might do some good but I am very glad there weren't such laws when I was a newlywed. My husband and I used to beat each other up at least twice a week. It was our exercise. It was years before both of us was blood and bruise free.

Were you guys in BDSM? If not, you should have tried it.

No we just liked to fight.

But I could tell you some stories that would curl your pubic hair.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Are you still together?

And are the stories about you or someone else?

 

[Wry Catcher]

I knew some of the above were SED (seriously emoitionally distrubed), some were liars and some were ignorant - some willfully so and others do to the happenstance of birth. Little did I know that the mental pathology of so many on this message board was as widespread as this thread suggests.

 

[Katzndogz]

Are you still together?

And are the stories about you or someone else?

Many of my accounts come from 35 years as a lawyer. There isn't anyone who practiced law for any length of time that doesn't have some colorful tales, unless they stuck to probate. The accounts I relate happened decades ago. Then too, I have always been a person who went my own way. I still do.

No that husband and myself got a divorce long long ago. Somewhere along the line we stopped fighting, got bored, and stopped having anything to say to one another anymore. I remarried to a man with as much of past, and more, than I had. He passed away two years ago.

 

[Jarlaxle]

My condolences on your husband's death.

I'm not sure who has more stories...a veteran lawyer or a veteran ER nurse. I expect both of their stories will have three things in common: stupid people, alcohol, and stupid people consuming alcohol!

 

[Katzndogz]

My condolences on your husband's death.

I'm not sure who has more stories...a veteran lawyer or a veteran ER nurse. I expect both of their stories will have three things in common: stupid people, alcohol, and stupid people consuming alcohol!

I collect events. Not all happen to me personally. Some from others that I know. I've been told that they should be published in a book of outrageous cases. Maybe I will do that one day.

Two soul mate sado masochists caught up in a situation that spun out of control is amusing but certainly not the only domestic abuse case I've handled. Some were unbelievably painful. One so bad that I refused to continue. I told the woman to get another lawyer. A man. Someone she might listen to.

All those years of stupid. That's why I gave it all up for animals. People can go fuck themselves. Kill one another. They will anyway.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

I knew some of the above were SED (seriously emoitionally distrubed), some were liars and some were ignorant - some willfully so and others do to the happenstance of birth. Little did I know that the mental pathology of so many on this message board was as widespread as this thread suggests.

I thought the same thing but the liars/ignorant/sickos aren't just here on this board.

Don?t blame the victim, or the photographer - Salon.com

Responding to a photo essay on domestic violence, commenters attacked everyone except the abuser ...

... Many of us are familiar with the phrase “blame the victim,” and there’s no shortage of that in the comments, at Time, on Sara’s essay. Here’s a sampling of the ideas you’ll find there: Maggie, the beaten girlfriend, should have seen this coming. Maggie stays because she likes it. Good riddance, Maggie was cheating on her then-estranged husband anyway … etc. In classic form, one insists of Maggie, “She is not the victim. She is the perpetrator.”

If there’s a single thing about which the critics shouting about Maggie and Sara in Time’s comment section seem to agree, it’s this: The only adult in the house during the assault who isn’t responsible for the violence is the man committing it.