Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I tend to believe this is true: Mirrors

Mirrors don't reflect, they're actually portals to a parallel universe containing people's evil twins. When you're not looking your evil twin will jump out of the mirror, kill you and take your place.

I think this has truly happened to some people I have known, especially men. Because, they are so nice when you first meet them, but later on so many of them do seem to behave like an evil twin. Know what I mean? I've heard men say the same thing about women.

I think it happened to my mother too, about the time I turned 15.

What do you think?

I think that even I would have a tough time hiding the crime by stuffing my dead body in to my mirror, evil twin credentials not withstanding.

​

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Editor's Note:

Joe reserves the right to decline to respond to some questions. Apparently.

Joe also reserves the right to be Delphic even when he does deign to respond.

Any questions?

Ask Joe.

I did NOT know I had an editor!!!


I hope I'm paying you a living wage!

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

if you could travel back in time for just one day and meet with a famous historic personality, but in a way that would not affect the timeline, with whom would you meet?

Calamity Jane... but if I couldn't affect the Timeline, what would be the point?

To get a feel for how it REALLY was.

I can work with that.... When do we leave?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe Blow-

Is it not quite odd that a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is often invigorating yet bulbous?

-Geaux

Pass that thing, ya Bogart!

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe:

What if?

Sleepless in Schenectady

In the short term, probably trouble - in the long run... no big deal. Just like politics

 

[Statistikhengst]

Editor's Note:

Joe reserves the right to decline to respond to some questions. Apparently.

Joe also reserves the right to be Delphic even when he does deign to respond.

Any questions?

Ask Joe.

Dear Joe,

which name stands for "drama queen":

Ilar -or- Meilyr?

 

[Pogo]

Joe Blow-

Is it not quite odd that a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is often invigorating yet bulbous?

-Geaux

That's right, The Mascara Snake! Fast and bulbous.

Also, a tin teardrop.

Dear Joe: who are we quoting?

(hint: The Mother ship! The Mother ship!)

 

[September]

Hey Joe

How can I be more tolerant of the human race and regain my sense of compassion? :-(

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe Blow-

Is it not quite odd that a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is often invigorating yet bulbous?

-Geaux

That's right, The Mascara Snake! Fast and bulbous.

Also, a tin teardrop.

Dear Joe: who are we quoting?

(hint: The Mother ship! The Mother ship!)

Joe Byrd and The Field Hippies?
​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Either AVG-Joe Byrd or AVG-Joe Biden. Gotta be!

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Editor's Note:

Joe reserves the right to decline to respond to some questions. Apparently.

Joe also reserves the right to be Delphic even when he does deign to respond.

Any questions?

Ask Joe.

Dear Joe,

which name stands for "drama queen":

Ilar -or- Meilyr?

I can field that for Joe. Joe is over-worked.

The correct answer is "neither."

[The last sentence of this post, as it existed, is now deleted by Ilar to honor the implicit request of the Shell Answer Man]

 

[AVG-JOE]

Let's keep the personal shit out of this thread, 'k?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey Joe

How can I be more tolerant of the human race and regain my sense of compassion? :-(

Picture everyone naked and think of them as Monkeys who're doing their best in a dog-eat-dog world where power is still the sociopath's favorite and most profitable toy.



Then, in the same breath, thank your lucky stars that you were born WHEN you were born because, history shows that it (meaning the earth Monkeys actual sharing of the planet's resources) is getting better and, if nothing else, we have air conditioning in the now.

`​

 

[Vandalshandle]

Joe,

It took me years to realize that the first words in the Beach Boy song, "Rhonda", were not, "Since she put me down there 's been owls puking in my bed..."

Now, I find out that the Beatles song, "Obladi, Oblada", has absolutely nothing to do with being "...happy ever after in a parking space".

My question is, should I switch to classical music, which has no words, for the most part, or should I invest in a hearing aid?

 

[September]

Hey Joe

How can I be more tolerant of the human race and regain my sense of compassion? :-(

Picture everyone naked and think of them as Monkeys who're doing their best in a dog-eat-dog world where power is still the sociopath's favorite and most profitable toy.



Then, in the same breath, thank your lucky stars that you were born WHEN you were born because, history shows that it (meaning the earth Monkeys actual sharing of the planet's resources) is getting better and, if nothing else, we have air conditioning in the now.

`​

I have no idea how to respond to that...

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe,

It took me years to realize that the first words in the Beach Boy song, "Rhonda", were not, "Since she put me down there 's been owls puking in my bed..."

Now, I find out that the Beatles song, "Obladi, Oblada", has absolutely nothing to do with being "...happy ever after in a parking space".

My question is, should I switch to classical music, which has no words, for the most part, or should I invest in a hearing aid?

Get your hearing evaluated by a professional and invest in aid if needed.

Other than that, just enjoy what you hear.



Hint: One would think so, but there's no "bathroom on the right" in Mr. Fogerty's field of vision during this song.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey Joe

How can I be more tolerant of the human race and regain my sense of compassion? :-(

Picture everyone naked and think of them as Monkeys who're doing their best in a dog-eat-dog world where power is still the sociopath's favorite and most profitable toy.



Then, in the same breath, thank your lucky stars that you were born WHEN you were born because, history shows that it (meaning the earth Monkeys actual sharing of the planet's resources) is getting better and, if nothing else, we have air conditioning in the now.

`​

I have no idea how to respond to that...

I'll call that "success!"

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe,

It took me years to realize that the first words in the Beach Boy song, "Rhonda", were not, "Since she put me down there 's been owls puking in my bed..."

Now, I find out that the Beatles song, "Obladi, Oblada", has absolutely nothing to do with being "...happy ever after in a parking space".

My question is, should I switch to classical music, which has no words, for the most part, or should I invest in a hearing aid?

Don't worry, Bro'... I was 9 before I realized that "al-a-men-O-Pee" was more than one letter.




Never was any good at filing...

It's a good thing I'm pretty ​

 

[Pogo]

Joe,

It took me years to realize that the first words in the Beach Boy song, "Rhonda", were not, "Since she put me down there 's been owls puking in my bed..."

Now, I find out that the Beatles song, "Obladi, Oblada", has absolutely nothing to do with being "...happy ever after in a parking space".

My question is, should I switch to classical music, which has no words, for the most part, or should I invest in a hearing aid?

Get your hearing evaluated by a professional and invest in aid if needed.

Other than that, just enjoy what you hear.


Hint: One would think so, but there's no "bathroom on the right" in Mr. Fogerty's field of vision during this song.

Dear Joe:

I have hearing impediments myself, and once met a young lady who claimed to be "an audiologist" and if I came by she would check me out.

However once I arrived she explained that she was actually saying she was "a naughtyologist". She also had a different spelling for the word "aural". Based on the next actions she took I believe she was trying to bribe me to keep her quackery on the QT.

Since my hearing has not improved, do I have a malpractice case here? And if so, how many more treatments can I get before filing it?

 

[AVG-JOE]

​