Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[AVG-JOE]

Thanks Joe. On my way.

I hope that you're on your way to a beach that allows you to dress in flip-flops only.

For a fairly enlightened people, Americans can be violently prudish.​

Used to go to one near Santa Cruz in my more liberal days. Yes ... I used to be an earring-wearing liberal with long hair. Hahahaha

What turned you to the dark side?

Which really should be known as the pasty-white side, if you think about it.​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

if you could travel back in time for just one day and meet with a famous historic personality, but in a way that would not affect the timeline, with whom would you meet?

Calamity Jane... but if I couldn't affect the Timeline, what would be the point?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

If one of your next answers is "Purple - because aliens don't wear hats!", which question will it have been the answer to?

And a corollary if I may -- where do you stand on the use of the pluperfect subjunctive?

I dunno

Probably one of the gay sex questions.



Whenever using your pluperfect subjunctive, ALWAYS stand on the mat provided.

OSHA didn't require those mats and hand-rails just to create Chinese jobs, ya know!​

 

[Sarah G]

Get a pedicure, strip down to your flip-flops, and go to the beach.

Thanks Joe. On my way.

"Pictures or it didn't happen"

Thanks. I feel much better after my pedicure.

Negged.

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Joe:

If one of your next answers is "Purple - because aliens don't wear hats!", which question will it have been the answer to?

And a corollary if I may -- where do you stand on the use of the pluperfect subjunctive?

Dear Joe,

What was it about the 2 posts regarding Viagra preceding Pogo's that made him think about the color purple?

Was the failure to "wear hats" an implication that finding a condom that will last 4 hours without it turning purple also influenced by the preceding posts?

 

[DriftingSand]

I hope that you're on your way to a beach that allows you to dress in flip-flops only.

For a fairly enlightened people, Americans can be violently prudish.​

Used to go to one near Santa Cruz in my more liberal days. Yes ... I used to be an earring-wearing liberal with long hair. Hahahaha

What turned you to the dark side?

Which really should be known as the pasty-white side, if you think about it.​

One man's Light is another man's darkness.

 

[Vandalshandle]

Joe,

I want to know the truth, and I can take it. Did Elvis kill JFK? I know that this has been covered up by the CIA, the FBI, the mob, Cuba, Russia, the Boy Scouts of America, the Flat Earth Society, and the League of Women Voters, but I believe that the truth can now be told.

 

[Derideo_Te]

Joe,

I want to know the truth, and I can take it. Did Elvis kill JFK? I know that this has been covered up by the CIA, the FBI, the mob, Cuba, Russia, the Boy Scouts of America, the Flat Earth Society, and the League of Women Voters, but I believe that the truth can now be told.

It can't have been Elvis! He had an alibi for Vegas, LA, NYC, Memphis, McDonalds, CVS and Walgreens at the time.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

If one of your next answers is "Purple - because aliens don't wear hats!", which question will it have been the answer to?

And a corollary if I may -- where do you stand on the use of the pluperfect subjunctive?

Dear Joe,

What was it about the 2 posts regarding Viagra preceding Pogo's that made him think about the color purple?

Was the failure to "wear hats" an implication that finding a condom that will last 4 hours without it turning purple also influenced by the preceding posts?

That's one of those questions that I really should let you young fellers figure out as you go, you know?

Some wisdom can be read on the internet, some must be earned from Father Time.

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe,

I want to know the truth, and I can take it. Did Elvis kill JFK? I know that this has been covered up by the CIA, the FBI, the mob, Cuba, Russia, the Boy Scouts of America, the Flat Earth Society, and the League of Women Voters, but I believe that the truth can now be told.

No.

And liberals don't have a secret handshake either.








I know!! Me too!!!

`​

 

[Pop23]

I hope that you're on your way to a beach that allows you to dress in flip-flops only.

For a fairly enlightened people, Americans can be violently prudish.​

Used to go to one near Santa Cruz in my more liberal days. Yes ... I used to be an earring-wearing liberal with long hair. Hahahaha

What turned you to the dark side?

Which really should be known as the pasty-white side, if you think about it.​

Santa Cruz may be the favorite place I've ever visited. Off season and still found it such a delightful place.

 

[Manonthestreet]

Hey Joe:
Do any wingsuiting?

 

[September]

Hey Joe.

What do you think the world will be like 1000 years from now?

 

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe:

If one of your next answers is "Purple - because aliens don't wear hats!", which question will it have been the answer to?

And a corollary if I may -- where do you stand on the use of the pluperfect subjunctive?

Dear Joe,

What was it about the 2 posts regarding Viagra preceding Pogo's that made him think about the color purple?

Was the failure to "wear hats" an implication that finding a condom that will last 4 hours without it turning purple also influenced by the preceding posts?

People have often believed O'Keeffe's flower paintings are sexually suggestive, and the painting I put up is purple. So....

 

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe,

I tend to believe this is true: Mirrors

Mirrors don't reflect, they're actually portals to a parallel universe containing people's evil twins. When you're not looking your evil twin will jump out of the mirror, kill you and take your place.

I think this has truly happened to some people I have known, especially men. Because, they are so nice when you first meet them, but later on so many of them do seem to behave like an evil twin. Know what I mean? I've heard men say the same thing about women.

I think it happened to my mother too, about the time I turned 15.

What do you think?

 

[Geaux4it]

Joe Blow-

Is it not quite odd that a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is often invigorating yet bulbous?

-Geaux

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

if you could travel back in time for just one day and meet with a famous historic personality, but in a way that would not affect the timeline, with whom would you meet?

Calamity Jane... but if I couldn't affect the Timeline, what would be the point?

To get a feel for how is REALLY was.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey Joe:
Do any wingsuiting?

I saw this on the evening news! This dog knows how to FLY!!

Never done it in a wing-suit, but the kids and I still fly down the road in the Jeep every once in a while

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Editor's Note:

Joe reserves the right to decline to respond to some questions. Apparently.

Joe also reserves the right to be Delphic even when he does deign to respond.

Any questions?

Ask Joe.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey Joe.

What do you think the world will be like 1000 years from now?

I don't know, but I'm optimistic. I think Monkeys are going to defy survival of the fittest, learn to share, and make it as a Sentient Species.

The biggest reason for my optimism is the sheer variety of organizing methods we see in use today. From a big picture perspective, our evolution is looking good.