CNN to show phone number for poison control hotline whenever Trump speaks!

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Oddball]

Retarded AF.

 

[The Irish Ram]

The more stupid bullshit they come up with the more I can't wait to go vote against them...

 

[White 6]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

Sounds like a reasonable public service step, as it may save people the trouble of looking it up, when following his little suggestions or onstage musings. I actually think he is trying to look innocent, while intentionally thinning the gene pool of our more susceptible idiots. If he is, that is just wrong. If he is not, he really needs to stop his unscientific recommendations on camera or tweet.

 

[DrLove]

The more stupid bullshit they come up with the more I can't wait to go vote against them...

Ohs NOES - Biden has lost your vote now?

 

[depotoo]

Well, it will matter for them, since they have the lowest ratings and lowest thinking individuals watching, 1.18 million viewers in Jan...
Ooops, it dropped to under a million by Feb.

 

[Oddball]

Well, it will matter for them, since they have the lowest ratings and lowest thinking individuals watching...

Which is the only angle that makes the piece marginally humorous.

 

[22lcidw]

They take themselves so seriously.

 

[Chuz Life]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

Wow. . .

Out of the 15 or so viewers per hour that stumble across the channel and then change it to some other channel. . . I wonder how many will notice.

 

[depotoo]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

Wow. . .

Out if the 15 or so viewers per hour that stumble across the channel and then change it to some other channel. . . I wonderhow many will notice.

Don’t forget those less than a million are probably all paid for as they pay to be shown in airports, etc.

 

[DrLove]

Wow. . .

Out of the 15 or so viewers per hour that stumble across the channel and then change it to some other channel. . . I wonder how many will notice.

Yeah, "15" viewers is kinda the same thing as 2.2 million viewers.

For viewers of all ages in primetime, Fox News saw a 60 percent increase to 4.4 million as CNN spiked 119 percent to 2.2 million and MSNBC gained 37 percent to 2.9 million.

Ratings Skyrocket for Cable News Amid Wall-to-Wall Coronavirus Coverage

Fox News still dominates, but CNN sees the largest increase with an 193 percent ratings increase compared to this time last year.

www.newsweek.com

 

[Billy_Bob]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

Well I got to give them credit for pandering to thier stupid people base that watch them.. Trump has never suggested that anyone ever take poisons but CNN makes it a point to say it..

 

[petro]

The Cerebral Numbing Network should be required to warn that it's content will cause brain damage.

 

[DrLove]

The Cerebral Numbing Network should be required to warn that it's content will cause brain damage.

Cool, can we get the same warning with Hannity, Ingraham, Pirro and Lil Tuck?
Cuz when I'm forced to watch those idiots, I can feel brain cells popping like corn.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Wow. . .

Out of the 15 or so viewers per hour that stumble across the channel and then change it to some other channel. . . I wonder how many will notice.

Yeah, "15" viewers is kinda the same thing as 2.2 million viewers.

For viewers of all ages in primetime, Fox News saw a 60 percent increase to 4.4 million as CNN spiked 119 percent to 2.2 million and MSNBC gained 37 percent to 2.9 million.

Ratings Skyrocket for Cable News Amid Wall-to-Wall Coronavirus Coverage

Fox News still dominates, but CNN sees the largest increase with an 193 percent ratings increase compared to this time last year.

www.newsweek.com

So Trump has convinced you to drink bleach?
Who knew it would be this easy?

 

[JackOfNoTrades]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

Well, it's better than having to constantly put out PSA's about not swallowing Lysol and fish tank cleaner. Save yourself the advertising money.
Now sticking a UV light where the sun don't shine? I don't think any Trump supporter will get in too much trouble with that.

 

[Dekster]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

So CNN is telling viewers that the network thinks they are such idiots, they would drink lysol? I mean their viewers are idiotic enough to do that, but not good marketing on their part to remind them.

 

[DrLove]

Well, it's better than having to constantly put out PSA's about not swallowing Lysol and fish tank cleaner. Save yourself the advertising money.
Now sticking a UV light where the sun don't shine? I don't think any Trump supporter will get in too much trouble with that.

 

[Maxdeath]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—CNN announced on Tuesday that it will show the phone number of a national poison-control hotline whenever Donald Trump appears on the air.​

​

Speaking on behalf of the network, Wolf Blitzer, the veteran anchor, said that CNN was adopting the new policy out of concern for “the health and safety of our viewers.”​

​

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” he said.​

​

In order to implement the new policy, Sanjay Gupta, the network’s chief medical correspondent, will monitor CNN’s programming on a twenty-four-hour basis for any signs of Trump.​

​

“The moment Donald Trump appears, Sanjay will flip a switch and the flashing poison-control number will appear onscreen,” Blitzer said.​

​

The phone number will disappear as soon as someone other than Trump, such as Anthony Fauci, begins to speak.​

​

“If Trump interrupts Dr. Fauci and starts talking again, Sanjay will punch the number back up,” the host of “The Situation Room" indicated.​

​

CNN decided to institute the new measure after it became apparent that Trump had not followed through on his threat to stop appearing at coronavirus briefings. “Clearly, the danger has not passed,” Blitzer said.​

CNN to Show Phone Number of Poison-Control Hotline Whenever Trump Speaks

“At CNN, we strive to keep our viewers informed. But, in order to do that, we must first keep them alive,” the anchor Wolf Blitzer said.

www.newyorker.com

So according to their numbers that means you and four other people will see that number. I can understand that you might need it.

 

[petro]

when I'm forced to watch

Seriously?
Ever hear of an off switch?