Wehrwolfen
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Everyone Must be Fair, Honest, Reasonable and Use Common Sense. Like Me.
[Intended to be satire]
[Intended to be satire]
By Dan Miller
February 4, 2013
Thus spake our Beloved Lord and Master
King Fair and Reasonable I
This is another guest post by one of the most enlightened Libruls in Congress, Senator Ima Librul (D., Unicorn)
Lord Eric of Justice: Being Fair, Honest, and Reasonable when using Common Sense is crucial.
President Obama is the most fair and reasonable President endowed with true common sense ever to grace the White House with his munificence; he and all of my honorable colleagues who have had the good fortune to meet him agree.
Shortly after assuming office, his Attorney General observed that sadly misguided souls, racist conservatives all, had not yet submitted to reeducation an honest discussion about race. He was correct. Only when they become fair, reasonable and honest and use true common sense (like Libruls) will racism be vanquished. Instead, they continue to reject our values and to adhere to their vile racist ways. I hope this short essay will show them the way to the truth, true wisdom and understanding they so desperately need to become patriotically useful Americans.
Words are often used improperly and hence are misunderstood
Words need to reflect life's realities. Sadly, too many fail to understand words as King Reasonable I, his Queen, Lords and Ladies would have us understand, accept and use them. When they do as we hope they will, our dream that everyone will join our ranks in transforming society for the betterment of all can be realized.
How more fairly and reasonably to bring about the common sense changes we believe in than by modifying the ways that words are understood and hence the ways that people think? We need to make the process so simple that even the dullest and most reluctant masses will realize how much better off they and their friends will be once the changes we have been promoting have been made. For us to succeed they must reject all blather from hateful and untruthful obstructionists who selfishly try to mislead the weak of mind and spirit into believing that our necessary changes are so harmful that few sentient beings could want them. Since we bringers of truth, light and progressive change -- selfless servants of the public all -- will benefit greatly from them so will everyone else. I tell you with all possible humility that recognition of that and acceptance of the rest of our true wisdom provides the most fair, honest and reasonable road map that common sense could possibly offer.
Here are just a few examples of the meanings of words that we must all now accept so that everyone can soon enjoy new and happier lives.
Word or phrase and approved meaning:
Affordable Care Act (aka ObamaCare): A statute intended to change improve health care for all. Private insurance companies falsely insisted that they could provide better care at lower cost and, due to obstructionist Republicans and their followers, the masses will no longer be able to afford it without adoption of the superior Governmentally provided alternative we wanted in the first place. As the masses come to understand that they were misled, there will be great rejoicing throughout the land at the adoption of our far superior government provided alternative, all to help the masses. Mainly, of course, the helpless little children.
Assault weapon: A frightening and dangerous device intended to terrify the poor and disenfranchised victims of society who want only what they should rightly have. In non-governmental hands, such weapons unfairly benefit those who have oppressed the poor and needy and will continue to do so until banned and confiscated. As I observed here,
Some burglars, robbers and others may desire something beyond their fair shares of unfairly assigned property. That is progressive and therefore good. Their rights of free choice must be respected because they are guaranteed by the same sections of the Constitution that guarantee free condoms and abortifacients for all. To do otherwise would infringe upon their sacred constitutional rights, something which a world class constitutional scholar such as President Obama would never permit.
Climate change: Environmental disasters caused by rich and rapacious oil barons insistent upon killing innocent Muslims to steal their oil to sell at obscene profits to enrich themselves while impoverishing everyone else and damaging our national security. Those who disturb Mother Gaia's sacred body to harvest her precious coal and convert it into deadly carbon dioxide and other noxious chemicals for unconscionable financial gain are no less to blame for the horrors of climate change.
Constituent service: Assistance generously provided to constituents and others without unfair discrimination based on district or state of residence so that they can vote freely for, and otherwise show their gratitude to, otherwise impoverished members of Congress.
Constitutional scholar: Best illustrated by the example of President Obama. His experiences as President of the Harvard Law Review and later as a community organizer gave him vast insights into our truly flexible Constitution, a living document which his criminally deceitful opponents want to murder. They would leave only its cold, lifeless carcass to be examined, as one would tea leaves, by stingy small-minded judges and others.
Democracy: A system to modify popular opinion to ensure public demand for whatever wise and humanitarian initiatives the Government may want in order to benefit all. See also "Mainstream Media."
Equality: Taking from those who already have too much to buy the votes of assist in their generations hours of need those long cheated by society, for as long as they want need it.
Fair: Everything sought by President Obama and his humanitarian colleagues.
Fair share: That is what everyone receives through the redistribution of resources from those who foolishly waste them on non-governmentally directed expenditures and other worthless capitalistic follies to those who will use them equitably in socially beneficial ways.
[Excerpt]
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Everyone Must be Fair, Honest, Reasonable and Use Common Sense. Like Me. | danmillerinpanama
