Lawyer writes about how stupid and weird black clients are

[ShootSpeeders]

Article is 10 years old but this is hilarious stuff.

American Renaissance September 2003

One of the most striking things about my black clients is the things they do not know. Many blacks, for example, do not know their own telephone numbers. They may think they do but they don’t, and the problem has gotten worse with the proliferation of cell phones. At least a third of the numbers they leave with my receptionist or on my answering machine are wrong numbers. Often, a potential client will call several times, each time leaving a variation of the same phone number. I keep calling until they get it right. At first I thought I was taking down the numbers incorrectly, but now I know better

More than a handful of blacks who have come to my office do not even know their own home address (they move often). Many cannot tell me their own spouse’s names. Now I know to tell clients ahead of time that they will need this sort of information when they come in. Otherwise, if I ask for someone’s address he may look hurt and say, “If I’d known you were going to ask me that I would have come prepared.”

Most of my clients who are not black either show up on time for appointments or call if they must reschedule. Amazing as this may seem, only about five percent of my black clients show up on time, and by that I mean within an hour of the appointed time. Only one in five show up on the appointed day. A few trickle in a day or two later. Most just never show up. Missing an appointment never embarrasses black people. They call repeatedly for new appointments, making four, five or even six appointments and then miss them all. I had one client who called more than 50 times before he finally came to my office. Rarely do I ever get a call from a black client canceling an appointment.

Many of my clients have a hard time following simple directions. Once I appeared in traffic court with a client. In lieu of a conviction he was to see a traffic safety movie. The courtroom was on the second floor of the courthouse, and the traffic safety movie was shown on the first floor. The client was to come back to the courtroom with proof — which would be given him on the first floor — that he watched the movie. Both the judge and I explained this to the client. At the designated hour my client did not come back to the courtroom. Later that afternoon I got a call from the judge, who told me my client had completely misunderstood the instructions. He went to the nearest commercial movie house, saw a movie, and brought back his movie ticket stub.

Children do not always seem to have the same importance for blacks that they do for whites. I was in bankruptcy court once waiting for my client’s case to be called. A black debtor — not my client — was before the judge trying to convince him to approve his bankruptcy repayment plan. The judge told him he could not afford both his Cadillac and his children, and had to give up one or the other. The debtor immediately said he could not give up his car, and therefore the judge would have to take his kids.

 

[ShootSpeeders]

From the same article.

I once had a client testify about his assets in a divorce case, in which the court was to determine whether he should pay his estranged wife temporary support. My client was a store-front preacher, and testified that he lived in the marital residence with his wife, though in separate quarters. His wife testified that he was out living with his “ho.” My client went on and on about how this was impossible because he was a Man of God. I thought he was lying. The judge ruled that if my client was living with his wife he should share household expenses, which he was not currently paying. At this point, my client realized there was a cost to pretending to be a Man of God living with his lawful wife, and changed his tune. “Judge why are you believing me?” he said. “Believe my wife. I am nothing but an old lying ******.” No one in the courtroom could stop laughing.

 

[KevinWestern]

Article is 10 years old but this is hilarious stuff.

American Renaissance September 2003

One of the most striking things about my black clients is the things they do not know. Many blacks, for example, do not know their own telephone numbers. They may think they do but they don’t, and the problem has gotten worse with the proliferation of cell phones. At least a third of the numbers they leave with my receptionist or on my answering machine are wrong numbers. Often, a potential client will call several times, each time leaving a variation of the same phone number. I keep calling until they get it right. At first I thought I was taking down the numbers incorrectly, but now I know better

More than a handful of blacks who have come to my office do not even know their own home address (they move often). Many cannot tell me their own spouse’s names. Now I know to tell clients ahead of time that they will need this sort of information when they come in. Otherwise, if I ask for someone’s address he may look hurt and say, “If I’d known you were going to ask me that I would have come prepared.”

Most of my clients who are not black either show up on time for appointments or call if they must reschedule. Amazing as this may seem, only about five percent of my black clients show up on time, and by that I mean within an hour of the appointed time. Only one in five show up on the appointed day. A few trickle in a day or two later. Most just never show up. Missing an appointment never embarrasses black people. They call repeatedly for new appointments, making four, five or even six appointments and then miss them all. I had one client who called more than 50 times before he finally came to my office. Rarely do I ever get a call from a black client canceling an appointment.

Many of my clients have a hard time following simple directions. Once I appeared in traffic court with a client. In lieu of a conviction he was to see a traffic safety movie. The courtroom was on the second floor of the courthouse, and the traffic safety movie was shown on the first floor. The client was to come back to the courtroom with proof — which would be given him on the first floor — that he watched the movie. Both the judge and I explained this to the client. At the designated hour my client did not come back to the courtroom. Later that afternoon I got a call from the judge, who told me my client had completely misunderstood the instructions. He went to the nearest commercial movie house, saw a movie, and brought back his movie ticket stub.

Children do not always seem to have the same importance for blacks that they do for whites. I was in bankruptcy court once waiting for my client’s case to be called. A black debtor — not my client — was before the judge trying to convince him to approve his bankruptcy repayment plan. The judge told him he could not afford both his Cadillac and his children, and had to give up one or the other. The debtor immediately said he could not give up his car, and therefore the judge would have to take his kids.

Not really that funny to me.

 

[ShootSpeeders]

Not really that funny to me.

If it was critical of whites, you'd love it, hate-boy.

 

[TheOldSchool]

Imagine if that was written about white people! It would be aaaaaalllll over the liberrhoid MSM! They'd be laughing their asses off!

Damn racists!

 

[KevinWestern]

Not really that funny to me.

If it was critical of whites, you'd love it, hate-boy.

Can you take me step-by-step through your thought process? Here's what I have so far:

(in Shootspeeder's mind)
1.) Post a biased opinion piece written by a single person describing black people in a negative light
2.) Say that it's "funny"
3.) Anyone who doesn't giggle and think it's funny is without a doubt a white-hating left leaning liberal.
4.) Thought process complete.

 

[JakeStarkey]

It's a spoof about East Texas white clients.

 

[pinqy]

A White Supremacist magazine running an article about how stupid and bad Black people are? Well, that's contrary to expectations and must be reliable.

 

[KevinWestern]

Funny whenever people start talking rational sense in Shootspeeder's threads, he always immediately bails...

 

[ShootSpeeders]

[
Can you take me step-by-step through your thought process? Here's what I have so far:

(in Shootspeeder's mind)
1.) Post a biased opinion piece written by a single person describing black people in a negative light
2.) Say that it's "funny"
3.) Anyone who doesn't giggle and think it's funny is without a doubt a white-hating left leaning liberal.
4.) Thought process complete.

I don't respond to haters.

 

[Hoffstra]

If it was critical of whites, you'd love it, hate-boy.

you post an anti-black thread, and then accuse others of racism?

thats rich.

 

[JakeStarkey]

[
Can you take me step-by-step through your thought process? Here's what I have so far:

(in Shootspeeder's mind)
1.) Post a biased opinion piece written by a single person describing black people in a negative light
2.) Say that it's "funny"
3.) Anyone who doesn't giggle and think it's funny is without a doubt a white-hating left leaning liberal.
4.) Thought process complete.

I don't respond to haters.

Son, you are a hater.

 

[Hoffstra]

is accusing everyone who doesn't find their racism to be endearing, "racist", the new tactic of white supremacists?

 

[TheOldSchool]

Funny whenever people start talking rational sense in Shootspeeder's threads, he always immediately bails...

If he was black and the OP was about white people shootspeeders would be your hero!!! Typical liberal double-standard

#sarcasm

 

[Katzndogz]

I have had a lot of black clients.

There is something about black clients this lawyer fails to mention. They might be late. They might not show up. They might do stupid things but they always pay in cash.

 

[KevinWestern]

[
Can you take me step-by-step through your thought process? Here's what I have so far:

(in Shootspeeder's mind)
1.) Post a biased opinion piece written by a single person describing black people in a negative light
2.) Say that it's "funny"
3.) Anyone who doesn't giggle and think it's funny is without a doubt a white-hating left leaning liberal.
4.) Thought process complete.

I don't respond to haters.

Hater of what, exactly? lol

All I said was that I didn't think a piece that described black people in a negative light was "funny" to me, and didn't make me giggle like it did you. Why does that make me a "hater"?

 

[JakeStarkey]

I have had a lot of black clients.

There is something about black clients this lawyer fails to mention. They might be late. They might not show up. They might do stupid things but they always pay in cash.

A lawyer's worth is his time and advice.

Cash is king.

 

[ShootSpeeders]

I have had a lot of black clients.

There is something about black clients this lawyer fails to mention. They might be late. They might not show up. They might do stupid things but they always pay in cash.

You're not a lawyer, you idiot, and everybody knows you aren't. HAHAHA. No wonder you don't have any friends. Nobody likes a liar.

 

[ShootSpeeders]

If it was critical of whites, you'd love it, hate-boy.

you post an anti-black thread, and then accuse others of racism?

thats rich.

I'm not a racist. Only racism in america is affirmative action and i oppose that. But YOU love it.

 

[KevinWestern]

If it was critical of whites, you'd love it, hate-boy.

you post an anti-black thread, and then accuse others of racism?

thats rich.

I'm not a racist. Only racism in america is affirmative action and i oppose that. But YOU love it.

Racism is defined as "having or showing the belief that a particular race is superior to another".

Your article wasn't implying that one race was better or worse than others?

Let's keep it honest Shootspeeders...


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