Relationships: Does love come with a timer attached

[monkrules]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

 

[DarkFury]

Well with some women love runs dry about the same time your credit line does!

 

[fncceo]

Does love come with a timer?

No ... a fuse.

 

[Penelope]

What is love?

 

[Bonzi]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

Maybe it's really lust that doesn't last. Maybe it takes 5 years to determine if you really LIKE that person.

To have a relationship that lasts, you have to be attracted not just physically, but on all other levels as well (emotional, psychological, personality....)

 

[Bruce_T_Laney]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

Attraction has more to do with lust than love.

True love you do not care about the physical nature but instead it about how the two hearts not being able to live apart from each other.

Most humans mistake thier lust for love and that is why their marriages fail.

So when you look at your partner the question should be can I wake fifty years from now with this same person and accept all their flaws and growing old and if yes then you will survive but one hint of questioning then it might be lust instead of love...

 

[gipper]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

Attraction has more to do with lust than love.

True love you do not care about the physical nature but instead it about how the two hearts not being able to live apart from each other.

Most humans mistake thier lust for love and that is why their marriages fail.

So when you look at your partner the question should be can I wake fifty years from now with this same person and accept all their flaws and growing old and if yes then you will survive but one hint of questioning then it might be lust instead of love...

I think there is a lot of truth to that.

I know several friends and family who married and then divorced. Sometimes quickly other times after many years together. I think many men marry based on lust, since we are visual beings....only to find out the woman they married is not for them. Then they often compound the problem by having an affair. I think many women marry based on an idealized belief that is often not reality... plus their desire to have children before the clock runs out.

If both are not totally and completely committed to the marriage, when tough times come, they likely divorce.

 

[Bonzi]

I think another problem is marrying because it "fits".... the person fits the mold.
For men, she looks good, she can cook, etc.
For women, he's reliable, has a good job, etc.
That just won't cut it in the long run

 

[BlackSand]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

Attraction has more to do with lust than love.

True love you do not care about the physical nature but instead it about how the two hearts not being able to live apart from each other.

Most humans mistake thier lust for love and that is why their marriages fail.

So when you look at your partner the question should be can I wake fifty years from now with this same person and accept all their flaws and growing old and if yes then you will survive but one hint of questioning then it might be lust instead of love...

I think there is a lot of truth to that.

I know several friends and family who married and then divorced. Sometimes quickly other times after many years together. I think many men marry based on lust, since we are visual beings....only to find out the woman they married is not for them. Then they often compound the problem by having an affair. I think many women marry based on an idealized belief that is often not reality... plus their desire to have children before the clock runs out.

If both are not totally and completely committed to the marriage, when tough times come, they likely divorce.

Yeah ... Bruce was on to something.

You also mentioned the "visual" affect ... And that addresses a simple distinction between love and lust.
It is easy to lust someone when they are present ... But you tend to love someone even when they aren't there.

Love is a connection ... A trust ... The desire to share with each other, regardless the flaws we all have.

.

 

[gipper]

Decades ago I read a short piece by a guy who thinks love between a couple seems to last about five years. I still think about that question once in a while and kind of agree with his idea. There are very few couples I’ve known who have been together for an extended period of time, say ten years, who still seem to be attracted to one another. Maybe the passion simply burns out over time and is replaced by what — habit?

And, if love really does leave, is it right to stay together. What would be the point (assuming no children are involved)?

It will be interesting to see if men and women have widely differing views about this question.

Attraction has more to do with lust than love.

True love you do not care about the physical nature but instead it about how the two hearts not being able to live apart from each other.

Most humans mistake thier lust for love and that is why their marriages fail.

So when you look at your partner the question should be can I wake fifty years from now with this same person and accept all their flaws and growing old and if yes then you will survive but one hint of questioning then it might be lust instead of love...

I think there is a lot of truth to that.

I know several friends and family who married and then divorced. Sometimes quickly other times after many years together. I think many men marry based on lust, since we are visual beings....only to find out the woman they married is not for them. Then they often compound the problem by having an affair. I think many women marry based on an idealized belief that is often not reality... plus their desire to have children before the clock runs out.

If both are not totally and completely committed to the marriage, when tough times come, they likely divorce.

Yeah ... Bruce was on to something.

You also mentioned the "visual" affect ... And that addresses a simple distinction between love and lust.
It is easy to lust someone when they are present ... But you tend to love someone even when they aren't there.

Love is a connection ... A trust ... The desire to share with each other, regardless the flaws we all have.

.

Yep...many go into marriage like...oh well let's give it a try.

Then the wife gains weight after having babies, and the husband cheats because he was never fully committed. Or, the husband loses his job and money gets tight, then the wife demands a divorce because she was never fully committed.

My wife's brother who has been married 20 years with two beautiful daughters, is now going through divorce because the wife isn't happy. WTF!

 

[BlackSand]

Yep...many go into marriage like...oh well let's give it a try.

Then the wife gains weight after having babies, and the husband cheats because he was never fully committed. Or, the husband loses his job and money gets tight, then the wife demands a divorce because she was never fully committed.

My wife's brother who has been married 20 years with two beautiful daughters, is now going through divorce because the wife isn't happy. WTF!

Well in some ways men and women are just "wired" differently.

Sexual attraction and fulfillment is vey important for men ... Nothing wrong with that and something that would be useless to fight.
Security is very important to women ... It fosters a stable environment to fulfill maternal desires.

That doesn't mean that different genders cannot possess some desire for either ... But you threaten either one of those ... And it isn't going to end well.

.

 

[gipper]

Yep...many go into marriage like...oh well let's give it a try.

Then the wife gains weight after having babies, and the husband cheats because he was never fully committed. Or, the husband loses his job and money gets tight, then the wife demands a divorce because she was never fully committed.

My wife's brother who has been married 20 years with two beautiful daughters, is now going through divorce because the wife isn't happy. WTF!

Well in some ways men and women are just "wired" differently.

Sexual attraction and fulfillment is vey important for men ... Nothing wrong with that and something that would be useless to fight.
Security is very important to women ... It fosters a stable environment to fulfill maternal desires.

That doesn't mean that different genders cannot possess some desire for either ... But you threaten either one of those ... And it isn't going to end well.

.

Many men and woman stay together no matter what. They are committed to each other. No matter if the wife gets fat or the husband can't provide, they stick together. This may be the exception.

 

[Moonglow]

What is love?

A glandular production of excitement...

 

[BlackSand]

Many men and woman stay together no matter what. They are committed to each other. No matter if the wife gets fat or the husband can't provide, they stick together. This may be the exception.

That would still depend on the threat assessment.

Most people are also more comfortable with the known instead of the unknown ... The unknown offers its own threats.
Once people progress in experience and years ... They have tendency to be more cautious in regards to change.
And sometimes a bird in hand is better than the promise of two in the bush ... Easier to keep what you have than gamble on what you don't.

With effort most complications can be better managed ... And complacency is a strong supporter of the status quo.

Still very few people I have known that stayed together their entire lives will tell you that it was easy all the time.
In most cases they will also say that their love for each other changed over time ... And the common core result is that their bond grew stronger ... Not weaker.

.

 

[gipper]

Many men and woman stay together no matter what. They are committed to each other. No matter if the wife gets fat or the husband can't provide, they stick together. This may be the exception.

That would still depend on the threat assessment.

Most people are also more comfortable with the known instead of the unknown ... The unknown offers its own threats.
Once people progress in experience and years ... They have tendency to be more cautious in regards to change.
And sometimes a bird in hand is better than the promise of two in the bush ... Easier to keep what you have than gamble on what you don't.

With effort most complications can be better managed ... And complacency is a strong supporter of the status quo.

.

Maybe...but I have friends that I introduced while in high school. They married a short time later and had four child. They were married 32 years, when she decided she did not want to be married any more and walked away from the marriage. No one could believe it. They had always seemed like the perfect couple. Some think it had something to do with her going through menopause. Who knows?

 

[Natural Citizen]

It really isn't until one realizes that love at first sight is always spoken in the past tense that one understands that everything will pass.

Existential bummer.

 

[BlackSand]

Maybe...but I have friends that I introduced while in high school. They married a short time later and had four child. They were married 32 years, when she decided she did not want to be married any more and walked away from the marriage. No one could believe it. They had always seemed like the perfect couple. Some think it had something to do with her going through menopause. Who knows?

There are very few cases that can use a concrete metric ... The circumstance above presents its own complications.
Married young robs the opportunity for people to explore the world in their own freedom.

It binds them to a commitment that closes doors on opportunities they can only imagine existed at one time.
Imagining what you could have had can be dangerous to a relationship for obvious reasons ... It presents the possibility, but ensures the failure (you cannot undo time).

I am just guessing ... But I bet she thought about leaving long before the 32 year mark.
Then ... Think about how that thought eroded the marriage from within the longer they stayed together.

.

 

[WinterBorn]

People grow and change. Most of the time it is not a radical change. But over time the changes add up.

If you have not grown together, or do not work to keep things focused on your family life, the changes will add distance between you.

 

[Natural Citizen]

The thread reminds me of a video that one of my favorite youtubers uploaded a couple of months ago. I don't watch youtube that much but I'm subscribed to a couple of little channels that suit my interest.

Love is a Train...

 

[BlackSand]

The thread reminds me of a video that one of my favorite youtubers uploaded a couple of months ago. I don't watch youtube that much but I'm subscribed to a couple of little channels that suit my interest.

Love is a Train...

I like the guy's energy when discussing his observations ... He has indeed experienced love.
If someone wants to ask what love is ... He does a good job of explaining what it is to him.

.