The Bridge

[TNHarley]

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

[strollingbones]

you are single eh? lol

 

[TNHarley]

you are single eh? lol

lol nope

 

[Iceweasel]

Old joke but forever will be true. And the wimmens know it.

 

[miketx]

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must be left out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word...! Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And still no one says a word!

Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. But no one says a word!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the Vaseline.

And the father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes."

 

[Iceweasel]

Haircuts - The difference between men and women

Women's version:

Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the
mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 2: Oh no, it's perfect! I'd love to get my hair cut like
that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck
with this stuff I think.

Woman 1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And
you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so
cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was
afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck!
Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for
a shoulder line.

Woman 1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have
your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look
at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I
could get clothes to fit me so much easier.



Men's version:

Man 2: Haircut?

Man 1: Yup.