Crackerjaxon
Senior Member
- Nov 12, 2012
- 2,375
- 274
- 48
Like all good liberals, I abhor public school shootings. Since knuckle-dragging, brainless, trigger happy republicans with small penises refuse to give up their guns in penance for the sins of others, we must move ahead with a bold, innovative plan to end public school shootings once and for all.
Outrages have been committed and something must be done so that politicians can keep their jobs and so people who relegate their defense to the state will not see that the state cannot protect them. Members of the body politic may arm themselves -- possibly leading to even more violence when people have the temerity to defend THEMSELVES against criminals.
We cannot have that, no sir. Think of the millions of jobs that will be lost in our police forces. Who will roll up, government-approved arms on their hips, after public school slaughters to take reports and mill aimlessly about the scene? Who will string that eye-attracting yellow tape around crime scenes to keep the public from viewing the carnage? Who will gaze solemnly at the TV cameras of CNN and pronounce the crime the worst thing he's ever seen?
If you find that scenario as disgusting as I do, you'll agree with me that we have only one real avenue of action.
We must close the public schools. The blame must be shifted and shifted fast. Since we cannot repeal the 2nd Amendment and the Party of No will obstruct our attempts to make it an empty relic, the only sane thing to do is blame the parents and the schools.
We must prosecute the parents who sent their children to school that day because it was their actions that led directly to the deaths of their children. Think about it. If they hadn't sent their children off to school, those children would be alive today.
Teachers who allowed the slaughter must be made to pay. Why didn't they bravely throw themselves between the shooter and the bodies of those poor, innocent darlings? If Secret Service agents will do it for the president, it follows that teachers should do it for their students. They deserve to lose their jobs, so the teachers unions have no reason to squawk.
Republicans, teabaggers, home schoolers, gun nuts, trailer court trash, NASCAR fans and other sub-humans probably will not even notice the change. We aware, concerned citizens have above average children who will overcome any obstacles and attend private shools anyway.
The money we save from closing public schools will go into a fund to support the unemployable, who are public shool graduates anyway, so it will be a net gain. Any surplus from the fund could be used for government-funded whale watching, junkets to the Mediterranean, studying climate change or other worthy endeavors.
It is plain that if there were no public schools, there would be no public school shootings. It is as inescapable as the fact that if there were no guns, there would be no gun deaths.
I urge all thinking liberals to get behind this policy and bring pressure to bear on your congressional representatives to make it happen.
Can we do it?
YES WE CAN!
Outrages have been committed and something must be done so that politicians can keep their jobs and so people who relegate their defense to the state will not see that the state cannot protect them. Members of the body politic may arm themselves -- possibly leading to even more violence when people have the temerity to defend THEMSELVES against criminals.
We cannot have that, no sir. Think of the millions of jobs that will be lost in our police forces. Who will roll up, government-approved arms on their hips, after public school slaughters to take reports and mill aimlessly about the scene? Who will string that eye-attracting yellow tape around crime scenes to keep the public from viewing the carnage? Who will gaze solemnly at the TV cameras of CNN and pronounce the crime the worst thing he's ever seen?
If you find that scenario as disgusting as I do, you'll agree with me that we have only one real avenue of action.
We must close the public schools. The blame must be shifted and shifted fast. Since we cannot repeal the 2nd Amendment and the Party of No will obstruct our attempts to make it an empty relic, the only sane thing to do is blame the parents and the schools.
We must prosecute the parents who sent their children to school that day because it was their actions that led directly to the deaths of their children. Think about it. If they hadn't sent their children off to school, those children would be alive today.
Teachers who allowed the slaughter must be made to pay. Why didn't they bravely throw themselves between the shooter and the bodies of those poor, innocent darlings? If Secret Service agents will do it for the president, it follows that teachers should do it for their students. They deserve to lose their jobs, so the teachers unions have no reason to squawk.
Republicans, teabaggers, home schoolers, gun nuts, trailer court trash, NASCAR fans and other sub-humans probably will not even notice the change. We aware, concerned citizens have above average children who will overcome any obstacles and attend private shools anyway.
The money we save from closing public schools will go into a fund to support the unemployable, who are public shool graduates anyway, so it will be a net gain. Any surplus from the fund could be used for government-funded whale watching, junkets to the Mediterranean, studying climate change or other worthy endeavors.
It is plain that if there were no public schools, there would be no public school shootings. It is as inescapable as the fact that if there were no guns, there would be no gun deaths.
I urge all thinking liberals to get behind this policy and bring pressure to bear on your congressional representatives to make it happen.
Can we do it?
YES WE CAN!
