To Sir or Not To Sir?

[Moonglow]

I come from a very long Southern heritage on both sides of my family, but I live in the Southwest. This makes for problems, because it is a deeply-ingrained cultural instinct for me to call people "Ma'am" or "Sir". In fact, unless I am very well acquainted-with someone, I feel deeply uncomfortable addressing them by their first name, and if it's someone I am blatantly not a social equal with, such as a boss . . .

This, of course, is a problem, since our society has long since embraced a forced casualness in personal interactions, and outside of the South, insists on equating such polite titles as age-related.

Obviously, if we're talking about my boss, I'm going to accommodate his request in this regard. Being me, my attitude toward anyone who isn't handing me a check is "Suck it up, buttercup", and if they push it, I will put on a faux outraged imitation of leftist SJWs and say, "How dare you disrespect my culture! Microaggression!" But in all seriousness, this really does make me very uncomfortable, and I find it extremely awkward.

What does everyone else think on this subject?

You don't have to call me sir, I work for a living..

 

[Moonglow]

Calling some women Ma'am can cause serious fireworks. It makes them feel old and they'll TELL you. I've seen it happen.

And I will tell those women flatly that in the South, it has nothing to do with age. It just means they're female.

So to you it is more important to call them Ma'am than to respect their feelings? Are you sure that's actually using good manners, Cecile?

Well, to them it's more important to hear their names than to respect my culture, so why precisely do their feelings rate higher than mine? For that matter, I consider there to be a hard limit on the good manners due someone who manifests no comprehension or appreciation of them, which "they'll TELL you" indicates to me.

I'm not sensitive about my age, so I think those women are kinda funny.
You and I have a different idea of good manners, I guess. To me, it involves being sensitive to the other person's feelings. To you, it seems to be about YOUR feelings. So fine, insist on calling people what makes YOU happy whether they like it or not. But don't make it their fault. That's entirely on you.

You're right, we have different ideas. You're conflating good manners with being a nice person. They aren't the same thing. In fact, I think one could fairly say that etiquette and manners were invented precisely to smooth out the differences in how interested each person is in being "nice".

You are incredibly emoto-centric, like so many people these days. Everything isn't about "the feelz". Insisting that my instinctive speech patterns and idioms are merely a matter of "my feelings" is like thinking people are talking with an accent just to annoy you. Likewise, I find it a tad suspicious that you want to jump immediately to the assumption that it is wholly MY job to remake my communication to suit others, with no responsibility on the part of those others to be sensitive and tolerant, which is usually at such a premium with you. Could this be a personal desire to fault me specifically, or a bias against those from the Southern culture?

The southern culture has always been about recognizing authority figures like slave owners, tenant farmer bosses and political bigwigs Us counter culture folks don't abide by that way of living and haven't for 50 years...

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

 

[Ringel05]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

I was raised to respect people (until they gave me a reason not to) and part of that was sir and ma'am especially towards your elders, you never used someone's first name without their permission. Oh and I was born a Yankee, can't get much further north and not be in Canada.

 

[Unkotare]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

I was raised to respect people (until they gave me a reason not to) and part of that was sir and ma'am especially towards your elders, you never used someone's first name without their permission. Oh and I was born a Yankee, can't get much further north and not be in Canada.

I introduce myself with just my first name and most people give me their first name so from that point on we are on a first name basis. I have yet to have someone tell me their name was Mr so and so.

In general I have no use for honorifics or titles and if someone insists on being addressed in such a manner I just don't use their names at all.

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

 

[Ringel05]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

I was raised to respect people (until they gave me a reason not to) and part of that was sir and ma'am especially towards your elders, you never used someone's first name without their permission. Oh and I was born a Yankee, can't get much further north and not be in Canada.

I introduce myself with just my first name and most people give me their first name so from that point on we are on a first name basis. I have yet to have someone tell me their name was Mr so and so.

In general I have no use for honorifics or titles and if someone insists on being addressed in such a manner I just don't use their names at all.

It's a simple matter of how different people were raised. I used to hate being called Mr_______ , that was my dad but after a while I realized I was now the Mr in the family and came to accept it as normal. My experience with the southwest is people tend to be more polite and somewhat more formal particularly those of Hispanic backgrounds, kinda refreshing to me. If informal floats your boat then why would I complain? I'm not going to demand you call me sir or Mr, I might consider you uncouth (or I might not) but what good would it do to demand you use honorifics?
Besides for most people it has nothing to do with wanting to feel superior but everything to do with courtesy and respect, politness.

 

[Unkotare]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

Arrested development insecurity ^^^^^

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

Arrested development insecurity ^^^^^

Pompous ass disease ^^^^^^

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

Not really a matter of equality. It's more an issue of, as I said, familiarity and intimacy. I find it very intrusive to have people I don't know addressing me as though we're long-time buds. It's the verbal equivalent of having a total stranger standing really closely to me for no apparent reason.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

I was raised to respect people (until they gave me a reason not to) and part of that was sir and ma'am especially towards your elders, you never used someone's first name without their permission. Oh and I was born a Yankee, can't get much further north and not be in Canada.

I introduce myself with just my first name and most people give me their first name so from that point on we are on a first name basis. I have yet to have someone tell me their name was Mr so and so.

In general I have no use for honorifics or titles and if someone insists on being addressed in such a manner I just don't use their names at all.

If I choose to give you just my first name, then I'm inviting you to address me by it, and that's okay. But if I don't want you to do so, for whatever reason, I WILL tell you that my name is Mrs. [Last Name], regardless of whether you gave me your first name or not. If you prefer at that point to simply not address me as anything, that's perfectly fine with me.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

I disagree on both points. There is still a need for titles to recognize the fact that I don't know you from Adam, and I don't want you addressing me as though I do. Has nothing to do with superiority on my part. I really just prefer to put distance between myself and other people until I decide that I no longer require it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

I was raised to respect people (until they gave me a reason not to) and part of that was sir and ma'am especially towards your elders, you never used someone's first name without their permission. Oh and I was born a Yankee, can't get much further north and not be in Canada.

I introduce myself with just my first name and most people give me their first name so from that point on we are on a first name basis. I have yet to have someone tell me their name was Mr so and so.

In general I have no use for honorifics or titles and if someone insists on being addressed in such a manner I just don't use their names at all.

It's a simple matter of how different people were raised. I used to hate being called Mr_______ , that was my dad but after a while I realized I was now the Mr in the family and came to accept it as normal. My experience with the southwest is people tend to be more polite and somewhat more formal particularly those of Hispanic backgrounds, kinda refreshing to me. If informal floats your boat then why would I complain? I'm not going to demand you call me sir or Mr, I might consider you uncouth (or I might not) but what good would it do to demand you use honorifics?
Besides for most people it has nothing to do with wanting to feel superior but everything to do with courtesy and respect, politness.

See, I looked forward to the day when I rated a Miss [Last Name], rather than automatically being addressed by my first name, because in my cultural background, it meant that I had left childhood and become an adult. It's hard for me to understand women who are desperate to be addressed as though they're younger than they are. And I love being married, so I enjoy being addressed as a married woman.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I think this brings us back to my point. There is a certain level of tolerance and compromise I have to give to people who are culturally predisposed to see formal address as an ageist insult (at least if they are in a position to make demands on me in the first place), but I think that requires an equal level of tolerance and compromise for the fact that I come from a different culture, and am just as uncomfortable with their chosen form of address as they are with mine.

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

Not really a matter of equality. It's more an issue of, as I said, familiarity and intimacy. I find it very intrusive to have people I don't know addressing me as though we're long-time buds. It's the verbal equivalent of having a total stranger standing really closely to me for no apparent reason.

I don't think being called by my first name is particularly intimate.

I introduce myself by my first name and never my last name. Tell me do you introduce yourself to a new acquaintance as Mr., Mrs or Ms So and So?

 

[Skull Pilot]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

I disagree on both points. There is still a need for titles to recognize the fact that I don't know you from Adam, and I don't want you addressing me as though I do. Has nothing to do with superiority on my part. I really just prefer to put distance between myself and other people until I decide that I no longer require it.

If I don't know you or have not been introduced to you I won't speak to you at all

 

[strollingbones]

OldLady i call people younger than i am ...sir and ma'am....the south has strong manners due to racial tensions...manners gives one a shield to use at time...my son is 35 and has excellent manners...manners will open doors for you when nothing else will in the south and poor manners can slam doors fast...you cant really go wrong with good manners...my 2 yr old going on 3....says please and thank you....excuse me...it is much easier to teach a child to have manners when the adults have manners...
here the miss and name is the popular way for kids to address adults...
i am miss owlie ...my husband is mr owl

 

[Cecilie1200]

I am a first name kind of guy.

I hate being called Mr or sir. I tend not to use titles like Dr or Professor either

I think we are too formal even if we are not as formal as we once were

The way I see it we all shit and wipe our asses every day so why not just be on a first name basis ?

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

Not really a matter of equality. It's more an issue of, as I said, familiarity and intimacy. I find it very intrusive to have people I don't know addressing me as though we're long-time buds. It's the verbal equivalent of having a total stranger standing really closely to me for no apparent reason.

I don't think being called by my first name is particularly intimate.

I introduce myself by my first name and never my last name. Tell me do you introduce yourself to a new acquaintance as Mr., Mrs or Ms So and So?

I know you don't find it overly familiar and intimate. You come from a different cultural background than I do. Kinda my point.

How I introduce myself depends on whom I'm addressing, and what they actually need to know about me. If it's the barista at the coffeehouse wanting to know what to put on my cup, then usually just my first name is fine. We aren't exactly going to converse. I just need to know which drink is mine.

My new co-workers and our business's clients, I used my first name, since I expect to work closely and be friendly with these people for quite some time.

My children's friends, teachers, etc.? I introduce myself as Mrs. [Last Name], [Child's Name]'s mother. Ditto new neighbors and other people who have no compelling reason to know my first name. They get Mrs. [Last Name], and a quick indentifier of why they're meeting me at all.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I can't see anything about the similarity in digestive tracts that makes me want to be more familiar and intimate in behavior with people.

It's metaphor.

I think everyone is equal so I don't like to use titles.
I don't care if a person is older or younger than I am I prefer a first name basis

People of low character have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

That's where you're wrong as usual.

I respect everyone equally when that is done there is no need for titles and honorifics.

Those that insist on being called Mr, or Dr or whatever have some sort of need to feel superior

I disagree on both points. There is still a need for titles to recognize the fact that I don't know you from Adam, and I don't want you addressing me as though I do. Has nothing to do with superiority on my part. I really just prefer to put distance between myself and other people until I decide that I no longer require it.

If I don't know you or have not been introduced to you I won't speak to you at all

And it's highly unlikely that I will care. As you can imagine, I'm not an especially chummy person by nature.