21 Day Challenge: post without name calling.

[Dhara]

It's a piece of cake to insult the hell out of someone and never call them a name. I prefer being direct, though. It's more honest.

Or easy?

Both honest and easy.

Does your approach to being direct and honest look the same in RL?

Who me? This is honestly what I do in my RL.

 

[Dhara]

Yes, it makes sense. I wish more people would be motivated by fun, and kindness when they talk to each other.

I'm working on it myself and I don't always succeed.

Emphasize the trying part.

?? Emphasize the trying part?

Working on yourself aka trying.

Yeah, I do my best. I accept my limitations. There are definitely people I can't let in. Too toxic. But if I pull back, I can have my heart open to them. I just can't tolerate their conduct.

 

[saveliberty]

Not to say I haven't egged on another with slimy implications from time to time, though.

But, in general - I try to be consistent.

As posting is a handicapped form of communication (blind to visual or auditory cues, for exampe), I gave up trying not to ruffle feathers; it's an effort in futility in the posting world.

That is my observation of you, consistent for the most part, with some flaming tendencies at times. Even the flaming has a theme.

 

[Tilly]

I may be wrong, but I haven't witnessed much in the way of people becoming enlightened or 'corrected' here. People seem pretty entrenched and impervious.

Usually true

... but I optimistically throw light or some such stuff into the abyss...

Even lightening hits people now and again.

But who made it your job to "hit people with lightning?"

I think we all kind of want to do that much of the time, because we hold at least some strong opinions because we really do think we are right. It's how one does it that seems problematic.

 

[Dhara]

I may be wrong, but I haven't witnessed much in the way of people becoming enlightened or 'corrected' here. People seem pretty entrenched and impervious.

Usually true

... but I optimistically throw light or some such stuff into the abyss...

Even lightening hits people now and again.

But who made it your job to "hit people with lightning?"

I think we all kind of want to do that much of the time, because we hold at least some strong opinions because we really do think we are right. It's how one does it that seems problematic.

I think it's most problematic when we know in our hearts what's right for us, and then we expect other people to do the same.

That's the problem.

 

[Tilly]

I can refrain from negative speech, in this thread. Most of you follow me around the board, so this should be interesting.

Splitting hairs I know, but if a person is being willfully stupid which by definition is being ignorant and you say, your are an ignoramus, is that name calling or proper identification?

First of all, you would have to claim omnipotence to know whether a person is "willfully stupid" or not. It's an opinion, isn't it?

If you make a statement, provide a link to the pertinent facts and the person refuses to read it or acknowledge it, then it is willful ignorance. The word exists because it is possible to distinguish. Now you point out it may not be kind, but it could also be helpful/kind to enlighten the person to their error and correct it for their benefit. That is kindness.

Constructively criticise then?

I think if someone places you in that relationship it's one thing. Otherwise, we end up scolding people left and right.

Could have sworn I left Tilly and Dhara around here somewhere....

ha ha ha I'm back

 

[saveliberty]

Constructively criticise then?

Always.

Take Lucy the other day. I was using her style to enflame her. She was exposed to what others feel when attacked for their nationality or ethnic group. An object lesson, much as this thread is seeking to do. I even summarized that in four points within the thread later. I am about smiles and fun normally.

Hmmm. Kind of like exposure therapy. I guess that approach is the most appropriate and successful with some people. Do you think it 'worked' though?

Usually leaves a mark that doesn't rub off. In Lucy's case we are posting to each other on threads, so I guess I will see any result soon. Change her opinions? No. Change in behavior when we are posting? Maybe. For me, the point was I was not enjoying her posts and wanted to see a change. That required effort on my part.

 

[Tilly]

Most of us are our own worst critic - in some areas we are are more harsh with ourselves than we really should be. It's personal baggage.

As a person communicating with another, I have no idea what your (general your) personal baggage might be. As I can't figure that out, I don't tiptoe around one and be direct with another. I just go direct.

Life isn't fair - don't know how it can be - but, here, I can strive towards consistency to others. And, direct, honest, and easy (on me) is the path I choose.

Direct may equate to a clearer message less prone to misunderstanding. Direct can also be more harsh, though not necessarily. Your point was also consistency which is important to helping us understand your style of communication.

Not to say I haven't egged on another with slimy implications from time to time, though.

But, in general - I try to be consistent.

As posting is a handicapped form of communication (blind to visual or auditory cues, for exampe), I gave up trying not to ruffle feathers; it's an effort in futility in the posting world.

Good point. Someone wrote something about that on here. In the early days of the intranet, people were advised to diligently avoid employing sarcasm unless sprinkled liberally with emojis, or whatever they were called back then

 

[Dhara]

Constructively criticise then?

Always.

Take Lucy the other day. I was using her style to enflame her. She was exposed to what others feel when attacked for their nationality or ethnic group. An object lesson, much as this thread is seeking to do. I even summarized that in four points within the thread later. I am about smiles and fun normally.

Hmmm. Kind of like exposure therapy. I guess that approach is the most appropriate and successful with some people. Do you think it 'worked' though?

Usually leaves a mark that doesn't rub off. In Lucy's case we are posting to each other on threads, so I guess I will see any result soon. Change her opinions? No. Change in behavior when we are posting? Maybe. For me, the point was I was not enjoying her posts and wanted to see a change. That required effort on my part.

Why not just put her on ignore until your patience with her returns? That's what I do. It helps me a lot.

 

[Kat]

Are you in?

I am.

Sure. I can go for that. I am not big on name calling anyhow. (think I did it only once since being back).
I don't particularly enjoy others doing it either..I sort of look past it. Though I do admit here and there I have giggled.

 

[Dhara]

Most of us are our own worst critic - in some areas we are are more harsh with ourselves than we really should be. It's personal baggage.

As a person communicating with another, I have no idea what your (general your) personal baggage might be. As I can't figure that out, I don't tiptoe around one and be direct with another. I just go direct.

Life isn't fair - don't know how it can be - but, here, I can strive towards consistency to others. And, direct, honest, and easy (on me) is the path I choose.

Direct may equate to a clearer message less prone to misunderstanding. Direct can also be more harsh, though not necessarily. Your point was also consistency which is important to helping us understand your style of communication.

Not to say I haven't egged on another with slimy implications from time to time, though.

But, in general - I try to be consistent.

As posting is a handicapped form of communication (blind to visual or auditory cues, for exampe), I gave up trying not to ruffle feathers; it's an effort in futility in the posting world.

Good point. Someone wrote something about that on here. In the early days of the intranet, people were advised to diligently avoid employing sarcasm unless sprinkled liberally with emojis, or whatever they were called back then

Unfortunately, written speech often seems set in stone. I rarely see someone reverse their bias against another on forums like these.

 

[Tilly]

It's a piece of cake to insult the hell out of someone and never call them a name. I prefer being direct, though. It's more honest.

Or easy?

Both honest and easy.

Does your approach to being direct and honest look the same in RL?

Who me? This is honestly what I do in my RL.

Sorry, I was asking Si Modo.

 

[eagle1462010]

Are you in?

I am.

Sure. I can go for that. I am not big on name calling anyhow. (think I did it only once since being back).
I don't particularly enjoy others doing it either..I sort of look past it. Though I do admit here and there I have giggled.

 

[Dhara]

It's a piece of cake to insult the hell out of someone and never call them a name. I prefer being direct, though. It's more honest.

Or easy?

Both honest and easy.

Does your approach to being direct and honest look the same in RL?

Who me? This is honestly what I do in my RL.

Sorry, I was asking Si Modo.

Oh, OK. I don't read her.

 

[Si modo]

It's a piece of cake to insult the hell out of someone and never call them a name. I prefer being direct, though. It's more honest.

Or easy?

Both honest and easy.

Does your approach to being direct and honest look the same in RL?

Nope. Although I am still quite direct, I have the luxury of have many other forms of communication available to buffer the hit. Just the other day, a person came into my office to take some papers off my desk to process further. She assumed they were in one pile (she has fucked with shit on my desk before and I have asked her to leave it alone and wait until I am finished). So, on Wednesday, when she tried it again, I snapped, "Don't fuck with my piles!" She stopped immediately, but we laughed, too, because I had a smile on my face - but, she knew I meant what came out of my mouth.

For other folks who I find to be a bit unstable upstairs and more into personal shit than goal or mission focused - I simply don't interact with them at all, except for the business at hand. And, I'm direct as hell.

I don't poke or egg on others because it's counterproductive and I don't have work friends - poor professional judgement to do so.

There are some with whom I prefer to have a trivial non-work convo for stress relief, but never anything deep or personal.

But, yes, in general I am direct at work. In general, I use profanity, but in limited instances. I have conflicts - they are unavoidable and useful in problem solving and growth - but I chose not to combat.

I keep it simple - goo for efficiency, good for efficacy. The job is challenging enough not to have any personal issues get in the way.

 

[saveliberty]

Humor is especially difficult on a message board. Some will see the humor easily and respond, others will be like whoa, way too immature and unfunny. Even I think gee, that was stupid, what was I thinking? Pretty intense around here at times. If I can get a smile in there, maybe it becomes less tense. Maybe through humor someone lets their guard down enough to consider my point? Sarcasm is just a confirmation I don't expect understanding.

 

[Tilly]

Are you in?

I am.

Sure. I can go for that. I am not big on name calling anyhow. (think I did it only once since being back).
I don't particularly enjoy others doing it either..I sort of look past it. Though I do admit here and there I have giggled.

Yay

 

[Dhara]

Humor is especially difficult on a message board. Some will see the humor easily and respond, others will be like whoa, way too immature and unfunny. Even I think gee, that was stupid, what was I thinking? Pretty intense around here at times. If I can get a smile in there, maybe it becomes less tense. Maybe through humor someone lets their guard down enough to consider my point? Sarcasm is just a confirmation I don't expect understanding.

Humor is difficult on a message board. Most of us don't each other all that well. Light hearted ribbing is most enjoyable done with people who are genuinely fond of each other.

 

[saveliberty]

My job is 90% relationships be it with other managers, staff, vendors or customers. Being personal is critical.

 

[Dhara]

This is a REALLY high bar. Very difficult.