Anything Goes Humor

[Auld Phart]

 

[sealybobo]

Where u been?

 

[TyroneSlothrop]

 

[Auld Phart]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

 

[sealybobo]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

Hope she comes back.

 

[Auld Phart]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

Hope she comes back.

Hope she's allowed back

 

[sealybobo]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

Hope she comes back.

Hope she's allowed back

I'd love to know what she said. I can't imagine.

 

[Wyld Kard]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

 

[Wyld Kard]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?"

He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

 

[sealybobo]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?"

He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

I was getting a rectal exam and the nurse walks in and says " sir what are you doing in here?" Confused I said "I'm getting a rectal exam". She says not you! And then the man in the white lab coat ran out of the room.

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Bonzi]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

Hope she comes back.

Hope she's allowed back

I'd love to know what she said. I can't imagine.

Imagination is a wonderful thing

 

[sealybobo]

Where u been?

apparently, she said something she shouldn't have last Monday

Hope she comes back.

Hope she's allowed back

I'd love to know what she said. I can't imagine.

Imagination is a wonderful thing

Glad you're back! They've slowed me down before. I could enter but everything was real slow for a few days

 

[Auld Phart]

I still think her hubby chained her to the bed, and lost the key

 

[Bonzi]

Watched (or read) 50 Shades of Grey one too many times....

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Auld Phart]