Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[Coyote]

Congrats!!

When's the housewarming?

April. AVG-WIFE has some shopping to accomplish.

Hey...that's cool Joe What sort of place is it?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

​

Head & Shoulders?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I went to a lot of trouble this year picking out just the right Christmas present for my 66 year old girl friend. I bought her a Kawasaki Vulcan Classic 900 with hard Viking saddlebags, and a switchblade windshield. While I knew that she did not know how to drive a bike, I assumed that she would enthusiastically learn. To my surprise, she was not enthusiastic at all. In fact, she won't even sit on it. Naturally, I don't want a beautiful bike like this going to waste, so I ride it (just to keep the battery charged, you see). Now she is mad at me, and told me that I can cook my own dinners from now on.

What did I do wrong?

You tried to make her drive from the start.

Next time, just coax her on with you and the promise of thrilling rides that she can just relax and enjoy to start with.



Once she's hooked on the activity, she'll insist on driving once in a while

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I'm new here ... I got lost so I called Triple AAA and they towed me here.

My question is - If you write "Triple AAA", do you actually have six A's?

What if you write "Triple A"?

uh-oh, that's two questions, isn't it?

Oh crud, That makes three questions. Or does it?

I'm up to four questions now. Is that allowed?

FIVE???

Or does that make SIX??

What should I do? d

CRAP - that makes SEVEN Questions.

How many questions do you ...

The Number / Word - Word / Number Conundrum.

Kudos!
​

The answer to your question (the first one) is no, you would not have 6 'A's'.....

You'd have 3 'A's', an 'e', an 'l', an 'i', a 'p', an 'r' and a 'T'. But not necessarily in that order.​

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Is it possible to nounify a verb?

Can you please give us examples, er, uh, I mean positions?

You mean like meeting a girl named "Misty Hymen", or a dude named "Chrome Penis"?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

pro-nom-ify

I'm sorry to interrogatify you but is it even possible to eat a pronoun?

If there's gonna be a test, will we have to diagram sentences? If so, I just want to adjectivify about that now.

P.S. Do I get a prize for using those "words" in sentences?
P.S.S. Do they still teach kids to diagram sentences?



"Each year we give our next-door neighbors some cookies".

In this sentence, neighbors is an indirect object. The indirect object is one kind of adverbial objective (a noun used as an adverb). Adverbial objectives can also express time, place, and manner, among other things (cf. year in the sentence on the left). When diagramming adverbial objectives, place nothing on the first slanted line.

How about I thank your post with actual sincerity and post a song?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey...that's cool Joe What sort of place is it?

It's a classic concrete block home from the 50's with a Phoenix Palm out front and a pool in the back, just minutes from down-town shopping and the beach.

We're very excited.​

 

[Sarah G]

Buying a house.

Found a nice one, too!

Congratulations. Downsizing now or did you go big?

We're upsizing down from 26 acres and 350 square feet, to barely enough to bother mowing and 1,200 square feet.

​

It's a good idea at whatever point to begin reducing the workload. Now maybe travel to see the kids.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Hey...that's cool Joe What sort of place is it?

It's a classic concrete block home from the 50's with a Phoenix Palm out front and a pool in the back, just minutes from down-town shopping and the beach.

We're very excited.​

If you don't mind saying, where is it?

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe,

I asked my daughter where she went last Saturday night. She replied, "Me and my bff had Doobie Doobie down, but were hashtag bummed, and swerved to a cray cray jam. They really turned up, even though the dwerp was there and was really salty. After that, Beth was down for a really rattling gamble, and made me SOOF not to text it, so I'm home now."

Then she went upstairs to bed.

Can you tell me where she went?

signed

Lost in the 60's, man.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Hey...that's cool Joe What sort of place is it?

It's a classic concrete block home from the 50's with a Phoenix Palm out front and a pool in the back, just minutes from down-town shopping and the beach.

We're very excited.​

If you don't mind saying, where is it?

A town called Vero Beach, FL, on the east coast of God's waiting room.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I asked my daughter where she went last Saturday night. She replied, "Me and my bff had Doobie Doobie down, but were hashtag bummed, and swerved to a cray cray jam. They really turned up, even though the dwerp was there and was really salty. After that, Beth was down for a really rattling gamble, and made me SOOF not to text it, so I'm home now."

Then she went upstairs to bed.

Can you tell me where she went?

signed

Lost in the 60's, man.

​

Go ask Alice.​

 

[Derideo_Te]

Hey...that's cool Joe What sort of place is it?

It's a classic concrete block home from the 50's with a Phoenix Palm out front and a pool in the back, just minutes from down-town shopping and the beach.

We're very excited.​

If you don't mind saying, where is it?

A town called Vero Beach, FL, on the east coast of God's waiting room.

I used to own a timeshare just north of there on the lagoon. It was a great place for wildlife, almost like being in a Discovery documentary. It took two direct hits from hurricanes two years running so I took a buyout offer.

 

[AVG-JOE]

That was the last two storms to hit the area. 2004 & 2005.

​

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Guiseppe,

Asa immigrante froma Italia I am wanting the advicement. Ow do you say to da ladeez that you wanna ficci-fic? Whenna I try they seyz that I ama jerks and must go ficci-fic myselfs. Ow do youz speaka to da ladeez ina America?

Guido Bluballzo

 

[Derideo_Te]

That was the last two storms to hit the area. 2004 & 2005.

​

Yup!

The name of the town was Sebastian and it was ground zero for both of them.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Dear Joe,

I asked my daughter where she went last Saturday night. She replied, "Me and my bff had Doobie Doobie down, but were hashtag bummed, and swerved to a cray cray jam. They really turned up, even though the dwerp was there and was really salty. After that, Beth was down for a really rattling gamble, and made me SOOF not to text it, so I'm home now."

Then she went upstairs to bed.

Can you tell me where she went?

signed

Lost in the 60's, man.

FARM OUT!!

 

[Vandalshandle]

Joe,
In 1956, my family and I went on vacation from Atlanta, and stayed in Vero Beach, as well as other places, including Daytona. We stayed at a place called Eleanor Village. I was back in the Daytona neighborhood last year, and was amazed to see a billboard advertising the place, so it must still be there!

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Guiseppe,

Asa immigrante froma Italia I am wanting the advicement. Ow do you say to da ladeez that you wanna ficci-fic? Whenna I try they seyz that I ama jerks and must go ficci-fic myselfs. Ow do youz speaka to da ladeez ina America?

Guido Bluballzo

I speak in American. Not English. I've been to England... they talk funny.

 

[MeBelle]

Dear Joe~
(Commentary) First, it's disturbing to find another awesome thread abandoned. /commentary
~~~~~

I've been presented with a challenge.
I could go forth and accept the challenge or make the choice to lose the challenge.

What would you do?


Sarah G