Cheating on your Lover

[dilloduck]

I would think that women who experience menstrual cycles, pregnancy and menapause could at least make a stab at understanding the effects of hormones. It certainly makes it more difficult to maintain your normal, everyday composure and mood. Why is it so hard to believe that men aren't also affected by their hormones?

OK Dillo .... I will admit that hormones are burdensome. I just wonder how forgiving the world would be if women started using the hormonal excuse for murder....because that's what we feel like doing when our hormones take over....but somehow, and sometimes with the help of meds, we are able to control ourselves.

Burdensome. Good word and I think that's the point here. A man's hormonal burden takes on a different form than a woman's. Men are immoral, lazy etc when they are wrestling with theirs. Women's are understood as normal and even met with sympathy. If I could orgasm like you do when a woman walked into the room there would be no need to worry about me screwing another woman.

 

[Amanda]

I've never understood the whole swinger deal.

What's not to understand?

Tonight we went to a party and ended up in a room with 3 other couples plus a single female*. A good time was had by all. Everyone went home with their mate. Or stayed over in the room.

Trust is very important, but in a weird way it's also easier to give. Why would I want to cheat (have sex without my partner's knowledge) when I can have any man I want? Why would he ever cheat when he can have any woman he wants? Sex is fun, but it's different for us when it's between us or with other people. When I'm with my guy it's a deep emotional connection as well as a gratifying physical experience. When we're "playing" it's different. It's just fun. That's all. Mature people can do this and it can work. Fragile, emotionally weak people can't imagine how it can work. If you're counting on some social contract to keep your mate faithful then I pity you. You have NOTHING. My guy and I have something so much better. We have real trust. We talk about everything. We share what we enjoyed about our other partners. There's no jealousy, just learning how to please each other better and becoming so much closer for our ability to just open up and share.

Sometimes I have these dreams where my insecurities come out. I tell him about how I'm fearful of him getting back together with his ex, or how he'll be with someone that satisfies him better than I can. And he holds me close and tells me how I'm being silly, that no 1 could satisfy him better. We are THAT free to tell each other anything. He tells me how he sometimes worries I'll want some hardbody boy with a 9" cock instead of him. It's all so beautiful because we can truly share anything with each other. I don't know if it's because we swing or not, but I feel I have the best relationship EVER. I feel bad for anyone that can't be as free as we are with each other.

* She's part of a couple but her guy in in the Army and he's in Cali right now but they are ok with playing apart.

 

[Lumpy 1]

.............

 

[kurtsprincess]

I would think that women who experience menstrual cycles, pregnancy and menapause could at least make a stab at understanding the effects of hormones. It certainly makes it more difficult to maintain your normal, everyday composure and mood. Why is it so hard to believe that men aren't also affected by their hormones?

OK Dillo .... I will admit that hormones are burdensome. I just wonder how forgiving the world would be if women started using the hormonal excuse for murder....because that's what we feel like doing when our hormones take over....but somehow, and sometimes with the help of meds, we are able to control ourselves.

Burdensome. Good word and I think that's the point here. A man's hormonal burden takes on a different form than a woman's. Men are immoral, lazy etc when they are wrestling with theirs. Women's are understood as normal and even met with sympathy. If I could orgasm like you do when a woman walked into the room there would be no need to worry about me screwing another woman.

You can ... it takes practice though.

 

[LuckyDan]

That is totally insane. How can you say you can do that over a man whom, by the way you do not know, and tell these men on this forum that they are bad???

That is totally manipulative on your part...JMHO

Learn to control yourself

OK.....I never told anyone on this forum that they were bad.....no one here has said they are cheaters. I think everyone, up until you posted, is mature enough to discuss this subject honestly. Guess it's time to close up shop cause the kids are here.

Nite Lucky, Nite Dillo!

Nite KP----thanks for the honest chat! I'm outta here too
you too Dan ! Thanks!

This was fun. Sweet dreams all.

 

[Lumpy 1]

I've never understood the whole swinger deal.

What's not to understand?

Tonight we went to a party and ended up in a room with 3 other couples plus a single female*. A good time was had by all. Everyone went home with their mate. Or stayed over in the room.

Trust is very important, but in a weird way it's also easier to give. Why would I want to cheat (have sex without my partner's knowledge) when I can have any man I want? Why would he ever cheat when he can have any woman he wants? Sex is fun, but it's different for us when it's between us or with other people. When I'm with my guy it's a deep emotional connection as well as a gratifying physical experience. When we're "playing" it's different. It's just fun. That's all. Mature people can do this and it can work. Fragile, emotionally weak people can't imagine how it can work. If you're counting on some social contract to keep your mate faithful then I pity you. You have NOTHING. My guy and I have something so much better. We have real trust. We talk about everything. We share what we enjoyed about our other partners. There's no jealousy, just learning how to please each other better and becoming so much closer for our ability to just open up and share.

Sometimes I have these dreams where my insecurities come out. I tell him about how I'm fearful of him getting back together with his ex, or how he'll be with someone that satisfies him better than I can. And he holds me close and tells me how I'm being silly, that no 1 could satisfy him better. We are THAT free to tell each other anything. He tells me how he sometimes worries I'll want some hardbody boy with a 9" cock instead of him. It's all so beautiful because we can truly share anything with each other. I don't know if it's because we swing or not, but I feel I have the best relationship EVER. I feel bad for anyone that can't be as free as we are with each other.

* She's part of a couple but her guy in in the Army and he's in Cali right now but they are ok with playing apart.

I can't quite understand how it would work out but I hardly consider myself a fragile, emotionally weak person. I was simply brought up with a different perspective. I
don't see the necessity. Now part of me wants to make a judgment on your point of view, I guess because it's different and out of the norm I'm familiar with.. But it seems to be working for you so why should I..best to you.. I say..

 

[Amanda]

I've never understood the whole swinger deal.

What's not to understand?

Tonight we went to a party and ended up in a room with 3 other couples plus a single female*. A good time was had by all. Everyone went home with their mate. Or stayed over in the room.

Trust is very important, but in a weird way it's also easier to give. Why would I want to cheat (have sex without my partner's knowledge) when I can have any man I want? Why would he ever cheat when he can have any woman he wants? Sex is fun, but it's different for us when it's between us or with other people. When I'm with my guy it's a deep emotional connection as well as a gratifying physical experience. When we're "playing" it's different. It's just fun. That's all. Mature people can do this and it can work. Fragile, emotionally weak people can't imagine how it can work. If you're counting on some social contract to keep your mate faithful then I pity you. You have NOTHING. My guy and I have something so much better. We have real trust. We talk about everything. We share what we enjoyed about our other partners. There's no jealousy, just learning how to please each other better and becoming so much closer for our ability to just open up and share.

Sometimes I have these dreams where my insecurities come out. I tell him about how I'm fearful of him getting back together with his ex, or how he'll be with someone that satisfies him better than I can. And he holds me close and tells me how I'm being silly, that no 1 could satisfy him better. We are THAT free to tell each other anything. He tells me how he sometimes worries I'll want some hardbody boy with a 9" cock instead of him. It's all so beautiful because we can truly share anything with each other. I don't know if it's because we swing or not, but I feel I have the best relationship EVER. I feel bad for anyone that can't be as free as we are with each other.

* She's part of a couple but her guy in in the Army and he's in Cali right now but they are ok with playing apart.

I can't quite understand how it would work out but I hardly consider myself a fragile, emotionally weak person. I was simply brought up with a different perspective. I
don't see the necessity. Now part of me wants to make a judgment on your point of view, I guess because it's different and out of the norm I'm familiar with.. But it seems to be working for you so why should I..best to you.. I say..

To be honest with you, it's not the "norm" I was brought up with. It's not something I think I would have considered "normally".

But.... well... It came up. And when I thought about it I couldn't see anything inherently wrong with it.

I decided to go with it and see where things ended up.

I have to report that I couldn't have been more surprised. I'm so happy with sharing my man. I don't think I could have imagined how well I'd deal with all of this. When you get past the social norms it's an exhilarating idea. You don't have to worry or think about what your SO will do. Why would they "cheat" when they can have it just by being honest?

Sure, I can imagine if my guy weren't getting what he needs emotionally from me that he might cheat. But we're so open. I can't imagine how he could feel he wasn't getting what he needed without talking to me about it.

I feel really bad for any one not in a situation like mine. What I live everyday is how a relationship should be, IMO.

 

[Shadow]

So every man that has ever cheated is lazy, stupid or weak ?

Yeah, I caught that, too. Are lazy guys up to much? Do they even attract committed partners to cheat on?

It's not physical laziness ... it's emotional laziness.

I agree with this. It's the thrill of the new and exciting relationship (the chase...the aspect of being with someone who is trying to flatter and impress etc)...instead of having to work on the relationship that is now older, more settled and caught in a routine.

 

[editec]

Never say never.

The world is way more complex than some of you imagine it to be.

 

[jillian]

doesn't matter... they'll pass judgment anyway.

 

[Intense]

So, what if one or the other is on the disabled list long term (like forever, and only where sex is concerned) and they are in a committed relationship, and the other is not on the disabled list? Does the non disabled have to stare down the barrel of a lifetime of celibacy even if she or he feels a financial and emotional responsibility to stay in said committed relationship? Its a hard world for cut and dried pronouncements.

Unless the disabled partner agrees to let you have girlfriends.

Otherwise you can leave or stay and be celibate.

That's a hard row to hoe mud. My mom left my father after many years of celibacy, and while it wasn't the only issue, it was definitely a factor. This happened when I was the same age as my daughter is now, and at 22, I was left to fail to convince a man who had no bait on his hook that life was worth living. He killed himself, and I felt responsible. She had every right to a full life, fully lived, and while that wasn't the only problem in their marriage, it might have been the basis for many of the others. So tell me, would it have been better for her to have an affair and find some happiness in life, or was it better for her to take his with her and run with it? Is a mate required to decompose at the same (sometimes accelerated rate), as their spouse or are they allowed to find some solace in this life while maintaining other responsibilities?

In this case, I think the French have the better answer. The home, marriage and family, is the center of economic and social security, and the variables of life are taken as they come.

That's a hard nut to crack Barb. You are mixing multiple issues here. Of course you were not responsible for your dad's issues or choices. The failure was not yours. That is an unfair burden.

Had I been in a position where my spouse was incapable of intimacy, be it temporal or what ever, I would still try to make the relationship work. Infidelity, is probably a deal breaker for me. Still, it's hard to predetermine. I would probably consider giving a year of celibacy on both our parts, and see how we both felt about it after that. Words are one thing, what we actually choose when gut punched is another matter. I would respect a person and their decision no matter which way it goes.

 

[goldcatt]

Never say never.

The world is way more complex than some of you imagine it to be.

No, the world is incredibly complex. And I'd like to think if I were in a relationship that I valued for every other reason, whether married or not, that I could both keep a promise of exclusivity and try at least to work out the issues with a well-meaning partner who has a "weak moment". I've never had a problem with the former, for me personally I'll admit the latter would be difficult - I don't know about impossible. There are just too many emotions bound up in sex within a relationship for me, as there are with a lot of people. Some people would mock that itself as weak, I can't imagine it any other way. But it does make exclusivity more of an issue. When oone person cheats, there's more than one thing of value being betrayed.

 

[Sherry]

Wow, you guys have some mighty deep conversations after midnight. Good job, Lump.

 

[dilloduck]

Wow, you guys have some mighty deep conversations after midnight. Good job, Lump.

I'm still recovering----it's almost like a hangover.

 

[Sherry]

Wow, you guys have some mighty deep conversations after midnight. Good job, Lump.

I'm still recovering----it's almost like a hangover.

Yeah, good thing I wasn't around and drinking, or one of your posts might have inspired me to say things that I would regret in the morning.

 

[dilloduck]

Wow, you guys have some mighty deep conversations after midnight. Good job, Lump.

I'm still recovering----it's almost like a hangover.

Yeah, good thing I wasn't around and drinking, or one of your posts might have inspired me to say things that I would regret in the morning.

You wouldn't be the first one who has done that ----actually it was pretty fun and thought provoking.

 

[strollingbones]

i am always amused at people who value sexuality in thier relationship more than the finer thing of the relationship...or perhaps i should say forced fidelity...cause that is what it is...its human nature to have more than one sexual partner....mongonomy....is forced....by religion etc...

my motto...if i dont know about it...i dont care....he goes out of town....he can do whatever he wants...as long as he is not stupid and flaunts it...he has had a vas for 28 years....and never brought home any diseases..etc..

i, myself, love a good trip out of town on occasion

 

[strollingbones]

and yes, frogen, that is exactly why you love me....lol

 

[goldcatt]

i am always amused at people who value sexuality in thier relationship more than the finer thing of the relationship...or perhaps i should say forced fidelity...cause that is what it is...its human nature to have more than one sexual partner....mongonomy....is forced....by religion etc...

my motto...if i dont know about it...i dont care....he goes out of town....he can do whatever he wants...as long as he is not stupid and flaunts it...he has had a vas for 28 years....and never brought home any diseases..etc..

i, myself, love a good trip out of town on occasion

That's up to you, and if it works for you that's fine. It's just that some people aren't as able to separate the sexuality from what you call the finer things. You're right about fidelity being forced though, it should never be an ultimatum. But if it matters to me I doubt I'd be happy long term with somebody who wasn't willing to make that choice.

 

[dilloduck]

i am always amused at people who value sexuality in thier relationship more than the finer thing of the relationship...or perhaps i should say forced fidelity...cause that is what it is...its human nature to have more than one sexual partner....mongonomy....is forced....by religion etc...

my motto...if i dont know about it...i dont care....he goes out of town....he can do whatever he wants...as long as he is not stupid and flaunts it...he has had a vas for 28 years....and never brought home any diseases..etc..

i, myself, love a good trip out of town on occasion

That's up to you, and if it works for you that's fine. It's just that some people aren't as able to separate the sexuality from what you call the finer things. You're right about fidelity being forced though, it should never be an ultimatum. But if it matters to me I doubt I'd be happy long term with somebody who wasn't willing to make that choice.

I think the concept of having one sexual partner is basically sound but I'm certainly not going to be devasted if a partner "strays" when the realtionship is solid in other areas. It's no different that a partner agreeing to stay within a budget and then spending to much one day. It happens. Expecting people to be perfect is a sure fire way to be disappointed.