Finding comfort in tragedy

[Kooshdakhaa]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

 

[Gracie]

Who is giving you grief about how you grieve? I haven't seen it. Kinda glad I haven't. I like being all mellow and shit.

 

[Mertex]

I can understand your appreciation for stories of other people having similar grief situations, because it makes you realize that you weren't singled out....that other people also have the misfortune of losing loved ones. We all experience grief at some time in our life...one would have to be a robot not to.

As for loving all your pets the same, it isn't wrong to love some more than others as long as you provide for them all without bias. Some pets are more lovable than others, so you shower more attention and loving gestures on them....but you would not want any harm to come to any of them, because you do love them all.

Hope you can find some comfort in knowing that Greta will not suffer pain anymore and maybe some other pet can win your heart.

 

[Ava]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

That was a beautiful post and I understand your every nuance. What a lady, you are.

 

[Wolfsister77]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

And loving some pets more than others. Well, our last two dogs that we lost, both within 4 months of each other was heartbreaking because they were like children to us.

These two we have now, we love and care for. They are wonderful but it isn't quite the same bond. All pets are different. You can't compare.

 

[R.D.]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

Greta was special, no one can take that from you. Shame on anyone who tried.

I would like a poem. It might prove helpful to you and others

 

[Statistikhengst]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

Greta was special, no one can take that from you. Shame on anyone who tried.

I would like a poem. It might prove helpful to you and others

That sounds like a nice idea.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

[MENTION=31092]Kooshdakhaa[/MENTION]

I hope you're okay ...

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Who is giving you grief about how you grieve? I haven't seen it. Kinda glad I haven't. I like being all mellow and shit.

No one here has given me any grief, Gracie! Everyone has been kind and this forum has been a big help to me. I do feel like I'm pushing it sometimes and someone is going to say, "Oh, enough about your loss!" But no one has.

But amongst my coworkers, family and friends, I can sense them pulling away from my sadness. And I understand. They too have grieved a loss and will no doubt grieve again. I can't blame them for wanting to enjoy the good times. They can't carry my grief for me, it is mine to deal with. I don't have any friends or family close enough to share the burden equally with me. The only one in my life who would do that is gone...yes, I'm talking about my dog Greta.

But everyone here has been very kind.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I have had two revelations lately.

One is in response to people who have criticized me for not loving all of my animals equally. Until recently, I had 12 animals, and eight of them were rescues. I lost a cat back in October, and my most beloved dog, Greta, on January 4.

Let me tell you that if I loved all these animals as much as I loved (love) Greta, and had to lose them one by one, which is inevitable...it would kill me. I'm not sure how well I am surviving her loss, but I know I would not survive going through her death over and over anew.

That is one revelation. There is a reason for not loving everyone the same.

The second revelation is this: I realized that I am finding comfort in reading about tragedy in the news.

Now a lot of people take that wrong. It doesn't mean I enjoy reading about tragedy. It doesn't mean I like it. It means I feel less alone. It means I don't feel singled out. For tragedy is everywhere, always.

Because when you are suffering, when you are grieving, people begin to turn away from you. So it is others who suffer who become your kindred spirits, even if you don't know them personally. They comfort you.

In my younger days I would have written a poem based on this idea. Perhaps I will.

[MENTION=31092]Kooshdakhaa[/MENTION]

I hope you're okay ...

I am okay. I am kind of a survivor. But I am changed by this. Just haven't figured out "how" I'm changed and what will come of it.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I've always wanted to write a novel. I've made some false starts, written notes, read a few books about how to write a book. Bought software that was supposed to lead me through the process.

I keep thinking I have the start of a novel...this concept of finding comfort in tragedy...that is how I would start it, with the protagonist realizing she/he was finding comfort in tragedy in the news. Unfortunately, that's all I have...lol.

It would be so worth writing it and see it have some success for one compelling reason...to see the dedication page when the novel is in print:

For Greta
I loved you best.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I wonder how many of my family members would be irked by that dedication. lol Matters not. Greta earned it, they did not. The only one who could begin to compete with Greta was my Mom, and she died in 1986. To mourn her, I got drunk for 10 years. Greta I am mourning stone, cold sober.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Who is giving you grief about how you grieve? I haven't seen it. Kinda glad I haven't. I like being all mellow and shit.

Oh, Gracie! I just realized what you're referring to...

It was people on a Doberman forum I visit that were making snotty remarks about me not loving all my animals the same.

I tried to explain to them that treat them all well, take very good care of them, etc., but just honestly don't love them all the same.

I haven't gone back there and told them about my revelation, about how it would be impossible to love all my animals as much as I loved Greta because to lose them one after another would kill me.

They just don't get that I didn't even want all these cats and dogs...but no one else would do anything to save them, so I kind of HAD to. And once I saved them I couldn't bear to turn them in to Animal Control or entrust their safety to anyone else. So quite frankly, I'm stuck with them. And now, according to some, I'm a bad person, because I don't love them all as much as I loved Greta.

But Greta was chosen. Planned for and dreamed of and chosen. And surpassed all my expectations.

Some of the people on that Doberman forum just couldn't "get" that.

 

[JOSweetHeart]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Holly, apparently you are underestimating the depth of my grief. I know others who have lost friends and family members who are not grieving nearly like I am for my Greta. I lost my father in 2009, I did not grieve this hard for him. When she first died I was comforted by researching suicide methods. She was probably more special to me than anyone I've ever known.

As for the suicide...well, who knows there really may be an Afterlife. And I may get a chance to see Greta again. I kind of doubt it, but I don't know for sure. Suicide may throw a wrench in that, jeopardize my chances of seeing her again. Don't want to take any chances in case there actually is something beyond this life.

 

[Gracie]

You cannot go uninvited, Koosh. Trust me. I did the same thing you did or are doing. If you go uninvited....you will not see her. You have to stay here whether you like it or not. Me too. I am doomed as well. But, I have Karma to watch over. I didn't do so slick with Pretties, I am ashamed and sad to say. But she is alive and doing extremely well from what I have been told.

I miss Gracie every day. Every day. But I don't go hunting on how to kill myself any more either. So I get what you are saying. Horrible as it sounds, it was also soothing and helped me pass the hurdle.

Just one step at a time, Koosh. One day at a time.

 

[JOSweetHeart]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Holly, apparently you are underestimating the depth of my grief. I know others who have lost friends and family members who are not grieving nearly like I am for my Greta. I lost my father in 2009, I did not grieve this hard for him. When she first died I was comforted by researching suicide methods. She was probably more special to me than anyone I've ever known.

As for the suicide...well, who knows there really may be an Afterlife. And I may get a chance to see Greta again. I kind of doubt it, but I don't know for sure. Suicide may throw a wrench in that, jeopardize my chances of seeing her again. Don't want to take any chances in case there actually is something beyond this life.

I don't mean to sound rude, but my previous message wasn't even for you to begin with.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I will pray for you though.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Holly, apparently you are underestimating the depth of my grief. I know others who have lost friends and family members who are not grieving nearly like I am for my Greta. I lost my father in 2009, I did not grieve this hard for him. When she first died I was comforted by researching suicide methods. She was probably more special to me than anyone I've ever known.

As for the suicide...well, who knows there really may be an Afterlife. And I may get a chance to see Greta again. I kind of doubt it, but I don't know for sure. Suicide may throw a wrench in that, jeopardize my chances of seeing her again. Don't want to take any chances in case there actually is something beyond this life.

I don't mean to sound rude, but my previous message wasn't even for you to begin with.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I will pray for you though.

Well, you are responding to someone's comment that is directed to me on a thread that I started. Silly me for thinking your comment related to me in any way.

By the way, your words belie all your smiley faces and blessings and prayers.

Grief makes me blunt.

 

[R.D.]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

To each his own. I am like you, but I understand how others seek and get great comfort from others. I suffered my own problem last Oct and worked through it myself, but many around me worried I would need to talk about it. They had the best of intentions, I know. Kinda like huggers vs non-huggers

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Well, That is the purpose of group therapy. To know you aren't alone. So if you see others suffering, you feel less alone. Sounds normal to me.

If this is all true, then I guess that I must not be a normal person. In the last five years alone, I've lost almost 20 family members and friends. The reason why I have never once gone to group therapy is because the last thing that I need in my face is to hear about even more tragedy. In my opinion, a person shouldn't have to go to any kind of therapy in order to know that they are not alone. What gets acknowledged and addressed in the news, to me, should be enough for anyone to know that they have plenty of company. I guess that therapy for me is focusing on what makes me smile. If you have the ability still to do what makes you smile again, why sit there and do nothing? There is no time like the present!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

To each his own. I am like you, but I understand how others seek and get great comfort from others. I suffered my own problem last Oct and worked through it myself, but many around me worried I would need to talk about it. They had the best of intentions, I know. Kinda like huggers vs non-huggers

In her original comment, I don't think Wolfsister meant that we should partake in group therapy or seek comfort from others. I think she meant that she understands why reading about tragedy in the news would comfort me. It's the same principle at work as group therapy...the awareness that you are not alone. That others are also suffering...you're not being singled out. You don't have to sit with people in a circle and hold hands to get the benefits of that "awareness."