Forgiveness

[strollingbones]

yes and i am stalking him too....i have that much time on my hands

 

[strollingbones]

and you really need to say what you have to say to me in public...your pms are just continual denials of the truth and continued bs....say what you have to say to me in public...simple as that.....or would that mean exposing yourself for the liar you are?

 

[amrchaos]

/deep breath

Okay. My sister got pregnant when she was nineteen, and my parents adopted her son. Not legally, but they were mom and dad for the first 2.5 years of his life.

Then she got sober, and remembered who raised her. She went and got him back.

My mom is deceased, but my dad thinks I helped my sister reach that decision. I did not. I wasn't even in contact with her during that portion of her life, because of the drunkenness. This is something he's dredging up from the distant past for whatever reason, and I could almost live with it if I'd actually committed this 'sin' to begin with.

Never mind the fact that they actually were incredibly abusive parents, and I will never believe she made the wrong decision in taking her son away from them.

Apologies if this is a teal deer.

Let me make sure I got this correct.

Your father is falsely accusing you of getting your sister sober and taking up her responsibility as mother. And this is currently a major problem between you and your parents?

I wish I had problems like that. Falsely accused of doing the right thing. I think the true problem lies within your father--that is knowing what his role of father is suppose to be.

I think a part of that role is raising kids to become responsible adult s. Hey look, he got two--good job dad!

I don't think this issue requires "forgiveness". This is more of a problem dealing with simple misconception and maybe some personality flaws. For instance, is it possible that your dad is actually praising you when he talks about what happened? If not, remind him of what his role is.

Maybe taking up a more assertive stance is key to resolving your problem as well. In other words, you maybe coming off as too humble when you deny the accusation. Unfortunately, some people have a tendency to associate dishonesty with humility. So I guess a blunt and somewhat egotistical attitude is necessary when dealing with your father.

By the way, have you ever rebelled against your parents when you were a teenager? If not, then I can understand why you have such a problem.

No. He does not believe she did the right thing, and he believes this is my fault. He believes the biggest heartbreak of his life, losing his only son, was my doing.

Then the issues lies with your dad.

Your sister did do the right thing and he has problems accepting this. Worst, he is berating you when he should be developing closer relationship with your sister and her son.

The real problem appears to be your fathers selfishness. He's lucky I'm not his child. I would laugh in his face over a "problem" like this. Maybe even point out that his wishes are unbecoming of an adult.

 

[TemplarKormac]

and you really need to say what you have to say to me in public...your pms are just continual denials of the truth and continued bs....say what you have to say to me in public...simple as that.....or would that mean exposing yourself for the liar you are?

No, you're copping out and running away like a coward, when directly confronted on this issue. You barked up the wrong tree. I don't take too kindly to having my name or my character slandered by the likes of you. After I made a concerted effort to rectify the situation, you ran away.

This discussion...no, this circus, is over; regardless how many times you choose to call me a liar. You by your own actions have disproven your argument and your attempted assassination of my character has failed.

Back on ignore you go.

(P.S. May I remind you also, that sharing the contents of any of my private messages to you is against site wide rules.)

 

[TemplarKormac]

i knew it....now we are conspiring against him.......get a mod...pick out a mod and lets see why your inbox isnt working....

I sent you two a message. Please tell me whether or not you got it. And I haven't accused her of doing anything.

Well in truth, several posts ago in this very thread you accused her of lying about sending the PM.

In truth, I did, because she kept saying she sent it, and I wasn't getting it. So what was I supposed to think, exactly?

 

[BDBoop]

Let me make sure I got this correct.

Your father is falsely accusing you of getting your sister sober and taking up her responsibility as mother. And this is currently a major problem between you and your parents?

I wish I had problems like that. Falsely accused of doing the right thing. I think the true problem lies within your father--that is knowing what his role of father is suppose to be.

I think a part of that role is raising kids to become responsible adult s. Hey look, he got two--good job dad!

I don't think this issue requires "forgiveness". This is more of a problem dealing with simple misconception and maybe some personality flaws. For instance, is it possible that your dad is actually praising you when he talks about what happened? If not, remind him of what his role is.

Maybe taking up a more assertive stance is key to resolving your problem as well. In other words, you maybe coming off as too humble when you deny the accusation. Unfortunately, some people have a tendency to associate dishonesty with humility. So I guess a blunt and somewhat egotistical attitude is necessary when dealing with your father.

By the way, have you ever rebelled against your parents when you were a teenager? If not, then I can understand why you have such a problem.

No. He does not believe she did the right thing, and he believes this is my fault. He believes the biggest heartbreak of his life, losing his only son, was my doing.

Then the issues lies with your dad.

Your sister did do the right thing and he has problems accepting this. Worst, he is berating you when he should be developing closer relationship with your sister and her son.

The real problem appears to be your fathers selfishness. He's lucky I'm not his child. I would laugh in his face over a "problem" like this. Maybe even point out that his wishes are unbecoming of an adult.

Every family is different. Age plays a part in things, as does the loss of my mother and several other issues as well.

My belief is this: I can only control my own thoughts and feelings. None of this is up to him. It's all up to me. In the end, if he won't accept the truth, then so be it.

 

[strollingbones]

o how funny of course you dont want your crazy ass pms revealed......

that is why you wont go public and why this all started to begin with....your first pm slamming me...the one you denied doing...well that is public now....and yet you try to say you never lied...

 

[Lumpy 1]

Bones... you of all people should learn how to forgive. If I've wronged you I'm sorry, although I'll probably never know what it is I did. And I forgive you for your sudden show of disrespect towards me as well. In a thread called "forgiveness" perhaps you should learn to practice it before lecturing me on it. Understand? You need to think about forgiviness before you ever demand it of others.

Good morning.

Forgiveness and Bones have never met, especially when she's the one that should apologize.....

 

[BDBoop]

Lumpy, is it wrong of me to be disappointed in you right now?

 

[Lumpy 1]

Lumpy, is it wrong of me to be disappointed in you right now?

Whatever you enjoy my "sweet and sour" sister girl.

I started reading the thread but then I realized we were out of Kleenex....

What did I miss?

 

[BDBoop]

Nothin much, really.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Nothin much, really.

I haven't been posting much for some time now, all indications are dat dat daaaaa, Drama's afoot..

Could I get an update on who hates whom and such...

 

[Sallow]

I am currently working my way through some familial issues on a therapeutic front. I know "to err is human, to forgive divine" *even though I don't actually know where the saying is from*. And I grasp the concept of seventy-times-seven. What I'm having trouble with is part of that last bit. And I don't care if you are Christian, pagan, wiccan, atheist, I would just appreciate some feedback.

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The issue in question is several decades old but nobody has picked at the scar for some time now.

I've been praying, meditating - and pretty much posting here to avoid dealing with the fact that I can't seem to come to grips with this issue.

You don't.

Simply it's up to you whether you want to continue to have a relationship or not.

 

[BDBoop]

Of course I do. This is not a deal breaker (unless he decides it is). This is me trying to work things out in my heart and mind, not force him to accept the truth.

 

[Darkwind]

I am currently working my way through some familial issues on a therapeutic front. I know "to err is human, to forgive divine" *even though I don't actually know where the saying is from*. And I grasp the concept of seventy-times-seven. What I'm having trouble with is part of that last bit. And I don't care if you are Christian, pagan, wiccan, atheist, I would just appreciate some feedback.

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The issue in question is several decades old but nobody has picked at the scar for some time now.

I've been praying, meditating - and pretty much posting here to avoid dealing with the fact that I can't seem to come to grips with this issue.

Will have to learn to accept that you cannot have a good relationship with everyone whom you consider important. File it in the back of your mind that you and them see things differently and then move on. To consider the why they won't apologize for doing something you consider wrong, and they don't is just giving them free rent in your head.

I prefer the line from the Goo Goo Dolls song Iris.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming"

 

[Lumpy 1]

I am currently working my way through some familial issues on a therapeutic front. I know "to err is human, to forgive divine" *even though I don't actually know where the saying is from*. And I grasp the concept of seventy-times-seven. What I'm having trouble with is part of that last bit. And I don't care if you are Christian, pagan, wiccan, atheist, I would just appreciate some feedback.

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The issue in question is several decades old but nobody has picked at the scar for some time now.

I've been praying, meditating - and pretty much posting here to avoid dealing with the fact that I can't seem to come to grips with this issue.

You don't.

Simply it's up to you whether you want to continue to have a relationship or not.

People should learn how to decide and move on..There's the past, the present and the future, only one exists...

 

[BDBoop]

Some of you are truly insightful when you're not busy showing your asses.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;running;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

[Lumpy 1]

Some of you are truly insightful when you're not busy showing your asses.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;running;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I've seen your ass...

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

BD, the truth is the boy was not your fathers son. He is your sisters son and when she got welll enough? She took her son back and became a responsible parent which is something your father should have rejoiced over. Obviously that isn't what happened and you have somehow become the scapegoat in all of this. I have apologised for things I did not do before. I merely didn't get into details and just made the apology. I felt it was better to be misunderstood and "seek to be at peace with all men" then to vindicate myself on the matter but that was not an easy thing to do. It takes realizing what you've already stated. That he probably isn't going to acknowledge what really happened. That what you are doing is really about honoring your father and asking God to work out the rest. I believe He will in due time.

Forgiveness is an interesting subject. CMike is actually quoting Jewish faith principles in the matter of the person asking forgiveness. In Christianity we must forgive even when they don't ask for it. But forgiveness and trust are two different things. You can forgive someone but if their behavior has not changed towards you it would be using wisdom not to trust them. God would not expect anyone to leave themselves open for more abuse.

It is making the "decision" to forgive which is difficult, not the actual forgiveness because once the decision is made it is as if God puts wings on that burden and it takes flight from our shoulders immediately. There is an immmediate sense of relief - it is as if a weight has been lifted.. that is a tangible sign something is happening.

You were unjustly accused. Of that there can be no doubt. Your patience in the trial has been remarkable which has produced good fruit in you. You're not bitter. You're sweeter from the experience. You are very compassioniate and very forgiving with people. You don't hold onto anything it seems. You are able to let things go quickly which is an amazing attribute to have. This isn't something that you haven't let go of. This is something that your father hasn't let go of and I am praying this trial comes to an end. It is clear you love your father and I pray he shows you how much he loves you too. Because he does.

 

[BDBoop]

Well, damn YOU for making me cry!

/she said politely

*hugs*

Thank you, Jeri. I hope you know what a blessing you are to me.



And I was so proud no tears were shed in the making of this thread. HA! Lesson learned on the "before a fall" front.