How do you get a relative to move out?

[Papawx3]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

You're in luck! With all the assistance out there right now she will be living better than you once she gets hooked up with the right agencies, Papa3xs. Great to hear she has a laptop as that is what she will need to apply for foodstamps ( today ) Section 8 housing ( today ) healthcare ( today) welfare ( today ) also app for assistance from gov to go to school. Everything she needs to apply for can be found under Google How do I apply for.....and you will see it all come up I am told. Because so many Americans are applying for assistance they have literally paved the way for her!

It sounds as if you and your wife have a great relationship. I'm sure she is probably already concerned about how you are taking this extended stay. I would take your wife out to dinner ( alone ) and tell her I have done my best to help your sister because you are the love and joy of my life and there is not anything I wouldn't do to make you happy. I could not have chosen a better partner to spend the last 25 years with. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I cannot imagine life without you. I cherish our time ALONE together. Unfortunately we don't have much time alone these days because your sister hasn't kept up her end of the bargain. She has not looked for a job, etc and I feel that we are being taken advantage of. I know the assistance for food stamps, housing, school etc is a click away on her laptop yet she is playing casino games and I'm paying for it with increased bills we have had since her arrival. I have felt this way for some time now but didn't mention it. I feel I have to say something to you now because I cannot continue on this way. Period. Quit talking. Don't say another word. Let her respond. If you speak? You lose. You state your case and then it is complete silence and you let her make the next statement even if it takes 48 hours for her to get it out. If she says, maybe she needs to move. Be quiet. If she says anything that even slightly sounds accomodating............SILENCE. Do not speak.

Why am I telling you this? Because he who speaks first in this scenario? LOSES. Also........ Because if you'll do it as I am telling you - your sister in law will be out of the house quickly. There are rooms for rent by the week. Once she has applied for her food stamps, housing, etc. you can move to step 2 which is to pay 1 months rent for a rented room locally and tell her when she gets on her feet she can pay HER SISTER and you back. Your welcome. - Jeremiah

 

[editec]

How does your wife feel about this?

Reads to me like you two are being taken advantage of.

Are you in a financial position to get your Sister-in-law into a small apartment, perhaps paying her rent for 3 months or so?

You SIL sounds like she is deeply depressed.

Has she seen a shrink?

Prozac often really does help snap people out of that condition.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Prozac is an SSRI and deadly to the liver. It accumulates - diagnoses of tumors ( cancer ) in the liver from those taking Prozac is through the roof although it looks like they are trying to cover it up- the big Pharm cartels have not been truthful about the side effects of these psychotropic drugs - they are snythetic drugs that stay in the body indefinitely. Very bad news.

Passion flower tea is a great anxiety reducer and melatonin at night for sleep is a natural sleep aid. If she has any dependency issues there are rehabilitation centers -live in - where she can work while getting help. Teen Challenge - David Wilkerson Ministry offers residential treatment for those overcoming addictions. The residents work as telemarketers, sales people on phone and pay their own way. - Jeremiah

 

[editec]

Jeremiah,

Yeah I don't trust most SSRIs either, especially taken over a long period of time.

But prozac can snap people out of a deep funk like no other SSRI I am aware of.

It need not be taken for a long time to have that effect.

In the longer run it often stop working anyway.

But it sounds to me like this women might have situational depression and might benefit from a 6 month trail with prozac.

She needs to reengage with life and it reads to me like she's avoiding it, right now.

 

[jon_berzerk]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

bear with it

if it is truly important to your wife

we had a adult step kid (wifes daughter from a previous marriage)

live with us for several years that would not work or school

borrowed money or simply took it out of the wifes purse

it drove me nuts to see her abuse the mrs

and was always a sore spot between us

eventually she got tired of it

and booted her

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Jeremiah,

Yeah I don't trust most SSRIs either, especially taken over a long period of time.

But prozac can snap people out of a deep funk like no other SSRI I am aware of.

It need not be taken for a long time to have that effect.

In the longer run it often stop working anyway.

But it sounds to me like this women might have situational depression and might benefit from a 6 month trail with prozac.

She needs to reengage with life and it reads to me like she's avoiding it, right now.

I agree with you. It does sound like she is depressed. I'm sceptical about Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin - etc because doctors warn their patients they cannot take themselves off of it as they can with other drugs. I suppose it depends on the individual. - Jeri

 

[iamwhatiseem]

It goes like this...you can and should help the helpless, you cannot, and therefore should not, help the hopeless.
Hear that Obama?

 

[rightwinger]

Looks like you need some communication

Start setting up a timeline that results in her moving out by a certain date. Get her to agree that the timeline is reasonable
Getting a job is critical to that timeline as is starting to contribute to household expenses. Have some consequences if she is not making progress

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Jeremiah,

Yeah I don't trust most SSRIs either, especially taken over a long period of time.

But prozac can snap people out of a deep funk like no other SSRI I am aware of.

It need not be taken for a long time to have that effect.

In the longer run it often stop working anyway.

But it sounds to me like this women might have situational depression and might benefit from a 6 month trail with prozac.

She needs to reengage with life and it reads to me like she's avoiding it, right now.

I agree with you. It does sound like she is depressed. I'm sceptical about Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin - etc because doctors warn their patients they cannot take themselves off of it as they can with other drugs. I suppose it depends on the individual. - Jeri

Depression is over-rated and grossly- GROSSLY - over diagnosed to sell drugs to the "afflicted".
I wouldn't be surprised if as much as 20% of the US Population is on mood altering medication. No wonder we are so screwed up.

 

[Truthmatters]

the three of you need to sit down and talk like adults.

tell the woman what you have said here.

tell her how much you LOVE your wife and that her current effect on your family is causing stress.

tell her you were willing to help but now need some help in return from her.

Set out chores for this woman to do.

Give her family responsibilities to perform to help your family function.


Direct, REAL and honest communnication.


why is it so many people dont EVER think of this solution anymore?

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Jeremiah,

Yeah I don't trust most SSRIs either, especially taken over a long period of time.

But prozac can snap people out of a deep funk like no other SSRI I am aware of.

It need not be taken for a long time to have that effect.

In the longer run it often stop working anyway.

But it sounds to me like this women might have situational depression and might benefit from a 6 month trail with prozac.

She needs to reengage with life and it reads to me like she's avoiding it, right now.

I agree with you. It does sound like she is depressed. I'm sceptical about Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin - etc because doctors warn their patients they cannot take themselves off of it as they can with other drugs. I suppose it depends on the individual. - Jeri

Depression is over-rated and grossly- GROSSLY - over diagnosed to sell drugs to the "afflicted".
I wouldn't be surprised if as much as 20% of the US Population is on mood altering medication. No wonder we are so screwed up.

No, I think Edic pointed out it is the signs that indicate she is depressed. On the other hand, many years ago we didn't have a pill for everything. Today? We have a pill for acid reflux so you can keep eating the wrong foods. Years ago, you would have stopped eating the wrong foods to recover. Now you can carry on. We have a pill for elderly who laugh too much now. ( believe it or not ) The medical world has decided too much laughter in elderly is a sign something is wrong. They have given it a name now. Before we would have enjoyed our elders laughing and assumed they were having a good moment. Silly, eh?

Today if you are depressed you are put on a pill that could later have you commiting mass murder, suicide, any number of psychotic episodes from change in med to taking oneself off of it. If you stay on the medication for years - odds are you will be diagnosed with liver cancer where these SSRI's accumulate.

Depression is not pleasant but joy will return eventually given time. The side effects of these synthetic drugs are worse than the temporary relief they provide in my opinion. - J.

 

[Truthmatters]

I have 7 bros and sis'

everyone of them has lived with me at some point.

One of my hubbies siblings also.

Never had to kick one out.

I simpley was completely honest with them.


Honesty works

 

[TakeAStepBack]

"Take your shit and GTFO of my house."


It's that simple.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I have 7 bros and sis'

everyone of them has lived with me at some point.

One of my hubbies siblings also.

Never had to kick one out.

I simpley was completely honest with them.


Honesty works

Bully for you.

 

[rightwinger]

Take the door off her bedroom....she will move out

 

[Connery]

Have a serious talk with your wife about how you feel. If she feels the same then you have a united front. If not she should respect your feelings. You married her and while the family is part of the package, you are not the caretaker for that extended family.

Love is not a one way street and your feelings and emotional needs are as important as your wife's.

 

[007]

"Take your shit and GTFO of my house."


It's that simple.

Pack her shit for her, throw it out in the front yard along with her fat, lazy fucking ass and tell her to beat it.

Yes, it is that simple.

 

[Truthmatters]

"take your shit and gtfo of my house."


it's that simple.

the family values party

 

[AquaAthena]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

If communicating your issues about the no-longer-welcomed relative, hasn't worked, then were I you, I would move out, until the guest does. If your wife loves you as much as you love her, this should be a simple, though harsh solution.

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." ......Ben Franklin