How do you get a relative to move out?

[boedicca]

Change the locks.

 

[Michelle420]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

Is she a senior citizen age?

There are all sorts of programs for seniors including lowered rentals for apartments.

Keep in mind though that this is family. This is your wifes sister and they are family they grew up together and it sounds like they are close.

Think about if the roles were reversed and you had died and your wife had fallen into deep grief over the loss of you.

How would you have wanted your wife to be treated by family?

If you want to help but also have your privacy you could discuss this with your wife.

If you own your own property perhaps zoning would let you add an addition with a separate entrance.

If the issue is finances you should talk to your wife about it and have the evidence such as bills to compare before she lived there and bills to show the amount of money extra that it is costing.

Your wife may be willing to supplement that by working an extra job for the pocket money.

Someone else mentioned this but it's worth saying it again, while the sister may have no desire to work and feign sickness to get out of change it may be psychological rather then pure laziness.

She may be afraid to be alone and if she gets work and Independent she may dread being kicked out.

In that case getting her some therapy or if your family is religious some religious counseling might be helpful.

Try not to assume things tell your side of how you feel and ask other's how they feel that will start a dialogue.

I tell you this because I had two deaths this year in my family, and I could have helped one of those members and didn't. Now they are gone forever.

 

[eflatminor]

During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially.

This is an easy one. Give her 30 days to find full time employment to pay her share or get out. No choice in the matter. Your house, your rules.

 

[earlycuyler]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

Tell her to kick rocks.

 

[earlycuyler]

This is going to be fairly long, but please bear with me.
My wife's (widowed) sister has been living with us for the past year and I'm ready to tell her to hit the road. Her husband died 3 years ago and she spent the first year in mourning for him. OK, fine. In the meanwhile she was unable to keep up the mortgage payments on the house she and her late husband 'owned', so the finance company foreclosed on it.
Then she hooked up with a previous husband and stayed with him for another year They finally got fed up with each other and parted company- again.
Her late husband barely had enough life insurance to pay for his funeral and burial plot but there was nothing left for her to support herself on. She wasn't working so she accumulated a bunch of debt. The only thing she really has to her name is the car that they owned, which she had to get put in just her name, and some furniture from their home. So she listened to one of these advertisements on the tv about filing for bankruptcy so she figured it was her best shot at getting out from under all her debt. She got rid of almost $100K of debt, but now she can't buy anything on credit and won't be able to for at least another 8 years.
OK so she was about to get put out on the street when my wife asked me if she could move in with us for a short while. Like a fool, I said OK, thinking it was only going to be for a short while. She could get out and get a job and help with the bills here. Virtually all of our household bills, utilities, laundry, etc., have risen by 50% or more. That is with the exception of the mortgage payment which has stayed the same. Our food bill, otoh, has easily doubled.
During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially. She won't get out and find a job because every time it gets mentioned, she gets "sick". Yes, I know it's just an act and she's playing on our sympathies. But she's the laziest person I've ever met. She doesn't want to do anything to help out around the house during the day, but will sit up playing casino games on her laptop while raiding our refrigerator at night. We make sure the kitchen is clean and the dishes are done before we go to bed but the sink is half full of dirty dishes again in the morning.

I love my wife to death. We are going to be celebrating our 25th Anniversary later this year. She is the love and the joy of my life and there is nothing in this world I would ever do to hurt her.
But enough is enough, and I'm about ready to tell her sister to get the hell out of my house.
Any thoughts on the matter? Anyone? HELP!!!!

If communicating your issues about the no-longer-welcomed relative, hasn't worked, then were I you, I would move out, until the guest does. If your wife loves you as much as you love her, this should be a simple, though harsh solution.

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." ......Ben Franklin

I say they stink after 3 hours.

 

[Michelle420]

During this past year she hasn't done squat to help out financially.

This is an easy one. Give her 30 days to find full time employment to pay her share or get out. No choice in the matter. Your house, your rules.

It is his wifes house too and it is possible she has equal decision power in the matter

 

[Truthmatters]

"Take your shit and GTFO of my house."


It's that simple.

Pack her shit for her, throw it out in the front yard along with her fat, lazy fucking ass and tell her to beat it.

Yes, it is that simple.

this is the party that insists personal compassion is enough to take care of the poor against all facts and even their own obvious lack of compassion.


The right is full of sociopaths

 

[CMike]

What's the wife's position?

 

[007]

"take your shit and gtfo of my house."

it's that simple.

the family values party

... and your's is the sit around on your fat, lazy, unemployed ass and sponge off others party.

Fuck off, moron.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Your wife does not have the right to put her sister's needs before yours.

You must consider your wife's needs, she must consider yours, and the sister's comes last.

 

[g5000]

Everything hinges on the wife. If the wife wants her sister to say, you are going to have to abide that wish.

If the wife backs you in wanting to boot the freeloader, the direct and honest approach is always best. Lay out it to SIL just like you laid it out in the OP. "You won't get a job, and you are adding X percent to our food, gas, and utility bills. This is a financially unsustainable situation for us. It is time to go. You made promises to get employment, and you have not, so don't bother making any more promises. It is time...to...go. You have 30 days."

She will find someone else to take her in. The ex-husband was Plan A. You were Plan B. Trust me, she has Plans C, D, E, and F. You won't be tossing her out into the cold. She's ready for this contingency.

 

[JakeStarkey]

No, the husband does not have to abide the wife's wants, because if the wife puts her sister before her husband, their relations is broken, perhaps fatally.

The wife and husband have to talk this out.

 

[boedicca]

Clearly, your sister-in-law needs to avail herself of the many benefits offered by Obama to the country's Julias:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96QTR9Q4VrY]Life of Julia[/ame]

 

[Gracie]

Everything hinges on the wife. If the wife wants her sister to say, you are going to have to abide that wish.

If the wife backs you in wanting to boot the freeloader, the direct and honest approach is always best. Lay out it to SIL just like you laid it out in the OP. "You won't get a job, and you are adding X percent to our food, gas, and utility bills. This is a financially unsustainable situation for us. It is time to go. You made promises to get employment, and you have not, so don't bother making any more promises. It is time...to...go. You have 30 days."

She will find someone else to take her in. The ex-husband was Plan A. You were Plan B. Trust me, she has Plans C, D, E, and F. You won't be tossing her out into the cold. She's ready for this contingency.

on last two paragraphs

 

[Connery]

Stand on your own two feet and be assertive. Stop enabling that freeloader.. and if the wife does not respect your feelings pack her bags too!!!! Enough of this bullshit!!!

Here are some sage words


I should have changed that stupid lock!
I should have made you leave your key!
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I]I Will Survive - YouTube[/ame]....

 

[CMike]

Change the locks.

I think that would be illegal.

 

[g5000]

No, the husband does not have to abide the wife's wants, because if the wife puts her sister before her husband, their relations is broken, perhaps fatally.

The wife and husband have to talk this out.

A marriage does not last 25 years by taking a stand against the wife.

 

[boedicca]

Change the locks.

I think that would be illegal.

Really? One cannot change the locks on one's house? What law is that?

 

[rightwinger]

Tell your wife you are becoming sexually attracted to her sister and don't think you can take it much longer

 

[boedicca]

Tell your wife you are becoming sexually attracted to her sister and don't think you can take it much longer

This is the correct motorcycle. Brilliant!