Coloradomtnman
Rational and proud of it.
- Oct 1, 2008
- 4,445
- 935
You got it, mtnman. No one is to blame, and everyone is responsible.
Your example reminds me of something I've been studying for months called 'trauma bonding'. It's also called Stockholm Syndrome--based on what happened when bank robbers held bank employees as hostages for five days.
The hostages were terrorized and threatened with death daily. At the same time, the robbers showed little kindnesses each day--which caused the hostages to bond with their captors.
When the ordeal was over--hostages and captors parted with hugs and tears. Two of the women hostages corresponded with their perpetrators for ten years, and later married them. These women were not stupid, nor did they have bad childhoods--yet this is the result of the experience of living in terrorized captivity.
This is a reason why some people are unable to leave an abusive situation and continue to recreate the same kind of relationship with others.
Trauma bonding.
I've been reading that book for months and it makes me so pissed off I throw it across the room every time I pick it up!
You know, on the positive side, it works the other way:
My best friend and I climb together. We've nearly died a few times, and been in lots of dangerous situations. We've saved eachothers' lives as well. Where we live, he and I are well known for how close and strong a friendship we have. Our friend, Beth, calls us "soul brothers" (as in soul mates but not homosexual). In fact, I don't know anyone with as strong a friendship as ours, beyond only a few married couples (you know the kind: they really are going to stay together forever). Other than to my girlfriend of two years, I have I never had a bond to someone as strong I do with him.
But, I wonder what the statistics are on positive trauma bonds?