Lawyer Advice needed (child support)

[TheBrain]

I think your buddy is full of shit. She's bi-polar but she's not. He wants to live with his girlfriend so suddenly starts complaining about child support.

Cry me a river.

He's been living with his girlfriend for years. He says she's bipolar because of her actual behavior, not a diagnosis, and for you to try to judge the situation knowing as little as you do? Sit down, on this one.

You are doing the same thing. You don't know her side of the story. It could be quite different than what he is saying.

Instead of whining he should talk to an attorney about his options.

That's the damn point, he has NO options. Oh well that's not true, he does have the option of abandoning his children because the burden placed on him by the state is too much , and that happens QUITE often.

 

[Ravi]

Why in a divorce does the man have to make sure the ex wife can afford to have the same lifestyle she had when they were married? that makes no fucking sense, child support for an adult.

He's not paying alimony. He is paying child support.

And yes it makes sense to provide your children with the same lifestyle they were accustomed to...it isn't their fault your marriage fell apart.

This whole thread just confirms that marriage is a joke and a failure, and a death trap for men.

That's pretty funny since for years and years women were considered the property of their husbands. And in some countries they still are.

If you don't want to get married then don't. It is your choice. But if you have kids you should be responsible for them.

 

[TheBrain]

Why in a divorce does the man have to make sure the ex wife can afford to have the same lifestyle she had when they were married? that makes no fucking sense, child support for an adult.

He's not paying alimony. He is paying child support.

And yes it makes sense to provide your children with the same lifestyle they were accustomed to...it isn't their fault your marriage fell apart.

This whole thread just confirms that marriage is a joke and a failure, and a death trap for men.

not if you find the right woman my brother.

 

[TheBrain]

He's not paying alimony. He is paying child support.

And yes it makes sense to provide your children with the same lifestyle they were accustomed to...it isn't their fault your marriage fell apart.

This whole thread just confirms that marriage is a joke and a failure, and a death trap for men.

That's pretty funny since for years and years women were considered the property of their husbands. And in some countries they still are.

If you don't want to get married then don't. It is your choice. But if you have kids you should be responsible for them.

OMG you are dense. Do you not understand that if a man has the child half the time AND he is paying his ex 25% of his income in child support that he is paying MORE than of the support for the child? Why should a woman have to pay less than half?

 

[Ravi]

It doesn't make sense that the Father alone bears that responsibility.

It doesn't sound to me that he does. It sounds as if he makes more money and therefore is paying his fair share.

It's pretty hard to comment on this without knowing the exact details of who makes what and how much each spends on the children.

If the situation were reversed and the mother was making more money, she'd be the one paying more.

I'm not sure how it can get any fairer.

She has the kids 50% of the time.

He has the kids 50% of the time.

Why is either of them paying anything to the other? There is no legitimate reason for either to pay jack shit. Each meets the cost of providing for their children equally. That is fair.

Him paying her because he happens to earn more is NOT fair.

That is the law in New York. I think the law is written to protect children, not to protect their parents. I see no unfairness in making people responsible for those they brought into this world.

I guess it would be more fair to make the kids the wards of the state and we could all pay for them.

 

[California Girl]

It doesn't sound to me that he does. It sounds as if he makes more money and therefore is paying his fair share.

It's pretty hard to comment on this without knowing the exact details of who makes what and how much each spends on the children.

If the situation were reversed and the mother was making more money, she'd be the one paying more.

I'm not sure how it can get any fairer.

She has the kids 50% of the time.

He has the kids 50% of the time.

Why is either of them paying anything to the other? There is no legitimate reason for either to pay jack shit. Each meets the cost of providing for their children equally. That is fair.

Him paying her because he happens to earn more is NOT fair.

That is the law in New York. I think the law is written to protect children, not to protect their parents. I see no unfairness in making people responsible for those they brought into this world.

I guess it would be more fair to make the kids the wards of the state and we could all pay for them.

I said jack shit about anyone else paying for them, Ravi. Focus honey.

Each has the children an equal amount of time. 50% per parent. Explain to me why one parent should be paying the other any support? They are both meeting a equitable split of time.... no money needs to change hand. This is discrimination against a man in favor of a woman.

 

[GHook93]

I was hanging with my friend this weekend, and was shocked to hear his Support situation. Please offer any advice if there is any.

He has 2 little girls.

He has them every other week, for the full week, bringing them to school and everything. The clothing they wear, the food they eat, etc. are all exclusive to his house, they don't bring anything from Mom's to wear or / eat or / play with.

Mom is bi-polar and lives with her parents.

Despite equal time with the kids, despite Dad being the better parent and despite Dad living on his own while mom is supported by her parents, New York State forces Dad to pay 25% of his gross pay towards child support, and Mom does not spend a dime of it on sending the kids to Dad's for the weeks.

In my opinion, this is Gender Discrimination.

Women fought for equal rights, under the Law. This doesn't mean that men should in turn be discriminated against in such a way. I'd love to help this dude out.

The standard isn't Best Interest of the Child, so your story doesn't add up. And its never 25% of the gross pay. Most states (I can only go off IL) have a standard chart that dictates the percentaged owed of NET (after taxes and deductions). The non-residence parent has to pay even in joint or co-custody. But it still doesn't add up for a few reasons. Both parents, in theory, get the same consideration. But on is being able to provide a home for the children. Living with her Parents doesn't cut it.

Best advise is your "friend" should man up and get a good lawyer. Contest custody. Attack her bi-polar disorder and her ability to provide for the children, mentally, emotional, financial and physically.

And you have to have it wrong. No way in hell its gross pay! But child support is a bitch. Especially if they award on top of that medicial bills for things such as OT and Speech Therapy, which aren't covered under most medical plans!

 

[G.T.]

I was hanging with my friend this weekend, and was shocked to hear his Support situation. Please offer any advice if there is any.

He has 2 little girls.

He has them every other week, for the full week, bringing them to school and everything. The clothing they wear, the food they eat, etc. are all exclusive to his house, they don't bring anything from Mom's to wear or / eat or / play with.

Mom is bi-polar and lives with her parents.

Despite equal time with the kids, despite Dad being the better parent and despite Dad living on his own while mom is supported by her parents, New York State forces Dad to pay 25% of his gross pay towards child support, and Mom does not spend a dime of it on sending the kids to Dad's for the weeks.

In my opinion, this is Gender Discrimination.

Women fought for equal rights, under the Law. This doesn't mean that men should in turn be discriminated against in such a way. I'd love to help this dude out.

The standard isn't Best Interest of the Child, so your story doesn't add up. And its never 25% of the gross pay. Most states (I can only go off IL) have a standard chart that dictates the percentaged owed of NET (after taxes and deductions). The non-residence parent has to pay even in joint or co-custody. But it still doesn't add up for a few reasons. Both parents, in theory, get the same consideration. But on is being able to provide a home for the children. Living with her Parents doesn't cut it.

Best advise is your "friend" should man up and get a good lawyer. Contest custody. Attack her bi-polar disorder and her ability to provide for the children, mentally, emotional, financial and physically.

And you have to have it wrong. No way in hell its gross pay! But child support is a bitch. Especially if they award on top of that medicial bills for things such as OT and Speech Therapy, which aren't covered under most medical plans!

Well he said it comes out pre-tax. 25%.

 

[Wry Catcher]

I was hanging with my friend this weekend, and was shocked to hear his Support situation. Please offer any advice if there is any.

He has 2 little girls.

He has them every other week, for the full week, bringing them to school and everything. The clothing they wear, the food they eat, etc. are all exclusive to his house, they don't bring anything from Mom's to wear or / eat or / play with.

Mom is bi-polar and lives with her parents.

Despite equal time with the kids, despite Dad being the better parent and despite Dad living on his own while mom is supported by her parents, New York State forces Dad to pay 25% of his gross pay towards child support, and Mom does not spend a dime of it on sending the kids to Dad's for the weeks.

In my opinion, this is Gender Discrimination.

Women fought for equal rights, under the Law. This doesn't mean that men should in turn be discriminated against in such a way. I'd love to help this dude out.

Tell your friend to document everything he told you, then call the Attorney's Reference Panel (most communities have one) and find a Family Law Attorney. Your friend must document every dime he spends in support of his children prior to meeting with an attorney where he will usually get a 30-minute consultation for a nominal fee.

 

[G.T.]

I think your buddy is full of shit. She's bi-polar but she's not. He wants to live with his girlfriend so suddenly starts complaining about child support.

Cry me a river.

He's been living with his girlfriend for years. He says she's bipolar because of her actual behavior, not a diagnosis, and for you to try to judge the situation knowing as little as you do? Sit down, on this one.

You are doing the same thing. You don't know her side of the story. It could be quite different than what he is saying.

Instead of whining he should talk to an attorney about his options.

Well that's the thing, his hands are up in the air in failure. His attorney has failed to get the judge to amend anything. That's why I was hoping for an experienced lawyer here, not just opinions which help also.

He's a great guy, and he loves his little girls. He lives in Saratoga and wants to move to Schenectady. The mom lives in Schenectady, the kids go to school in Schenectady, and he works there. It makes sense, so I told him to move. He started in about how he can't afford it because of his 25% dockage, and he explained to me that his Lawyer says that's just the way it is. Sucks, really.

I don't understand why the woman or man should defer the responsibility onto the other parent for their time. I wouldn't by any means feel like an accomplished person, I'd be embarrassed.

 

[High_Gravity]

She has the kids 50% of the time.

He has the kids 50% of the time.

Why is either of them paying anything to the other? There is no legitimate reason for either to pay jack shit. Each meets the cost of providing for their children equally. That is fair.

Him paying her because he happens to earn more is NOT fair.

That is the law in New York. I think the law is written to protect children, not to protect their parents. I see no unfairness in making people responsible for those they brought into this world.

I guess it would be more fair to make the kids the wards of the state and we could all pay for them.

I said jack shit about anyone else paying for them, Ravi. Focus honey.

Each has the children an equal amount of time. 50% per parent. Explain to me why one parent should be paying the other any support? They are both meeting a equitable split of time.... no money needs to change hand. This is discrimination against a man in favor of a woman.

Basically all this does is the give the woman extra spending money for the weekend to get her hair and nails done and to tear up the club.

 

[Ravi]

She has the kids 50% of the time.

He has the kids 50% of the time.

Why is either of them paying anything to the other? There is no legitimate reason for either to pay jack shit. Each meets the cost of providing for their children equally. That is fair.

Him paying her because he happens to earn more is NOT fair.

That is the law in New York. I think the law is written to protect children, not to protect their parents. I see no unfairness in making people responsible for those they brought into this world.

I guess it would be more fair to make the kids the wards of the state and we could all pay for them.

I said jack shit about anyone else paying for them, Ravi. Focus honey.

Each has the children an equal amount of time. 50% per parent. Explain to me why one parent should be paying the other any support? They are both meeting a equitable split of time.... no money needs to change hand. This is discrimination against a man in favor of a woman.

No, you can claim that it is against the person making more money but not that it is a gender thing.

 

[G.T.]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

 

[G.T.]

That is the law in New York. I think the law is written to protect children, not to protect their parents. I see no unfairness in making people responsible for those they brought into this world.

I guess it would be more fair to make the kids the wards of the state and we could all pay for them.

I said jack shit about anyone else paying for them, Ravi. Focus honey.

Each has the children an equal amount of time. 50% per parent. Explain to me why one parent should be paying the other any support? They are both meeting a equitable split of time.... no money needs to change hand. This is discrimination against a man in favor of a woman.

No, you can claim that it is against the person making more money but not that it is a gender thing.

No, I think the Law is about Gender itself.

 

[California Girl]

He's been living with his girlfriend for years. He says she's bipolar because of her actual behavior, not a diagnosis, and for you to try to judge the situation knowing as little as you do? Sit down, on this one.

You are doing the same thing. You don't know her side of the story. It could be quite different than what he is saying.

Instead of whining he should talk to an attorney about his options.

Well that's the thing, his hands are up in the air in failure. His attorney has failed to get the judge to amend anything. That's why I was hoping for an experienced lawyer here, not just opinions which help also.

He's a great guy, and he loves his little girls. He lives in Saratoga and wants to move to Schenectady. The mom lives in Schenectady, the kids go to school in Schenectady, and he works there. It makes sense, so I told him to move. He started in about how he can't afford it because of his 25% dockage, and he explained to me that his Lawyer says that's just the way it is. Sucks, really.

I don't understand why the woman or man should defer the responsibility onto the other parent for their time. I wouldn't by any means feel like an accomplished person, I'd be embarrassed.

It seems to me that, in normal circumstances, the law should be that each parent gets 50% custody, and meets the full cost of that percentage alone. The only time that one parent should have primary or sole custody is if there is a serious and legitimate reason. That would stop all this bullshit about child support.

 

[TheBrain]

I was hanging with my friend this weekend, and was shocked to hear his Support situation. Please offer any advice if there is any.

He has 2 little girls.

He has them every other week, for the full week, bringing them to school and everything. The clothing they wear, the food they eat, etc. are all exclusive to his house, they don't bring anything from Mom's to wear or / eat or / play with.

Mom is bi-polar and lives with her parents.

Despite equal time with the kids, despite Dad being the better parent and despite Dad living on his own while mom is supported by her parents, New York State forces Dad to pay 25% of his gross pay towards child support, and Mom does not spend a dime of it on sending the kids to Dad's for the weeks.

In my opinion, this is Gender Discrimination.

Women fought for equal rights, under the Law. This doesn't mean that men should in turn be discriminated against in such a way. I'd love to help this dude out.

The standard isn't Best Interest of the Child, so your story doesn't add up. And its never 25% of the gross pay. Most states (I can only go off IL) have a standard chart that dictates the percentaged owed of NET (after taxes and deductions). The non-residence parent has to pay even in joint or co-custody. But it still doesn't add up for a few reasons. Both parents, in theory, get the same consideration. But on is being able to provide a home for the children. Living with her Parents doesn't cut it.

Best advise is your "friend" should man up and get a good lawyer. Contest custody. Attack her bi-polar disorder and her ability to provide for the children, mentally, emotional, financial and physically.

And you have to have it wrong. No way in hell its gross pay! But child support is a bitch. Especially if they award on top of that medicial bills for things such as OT and Speech Therapy, which aren't covered under most medical plans!

Well he said it comes out pre-tax. 25%.

HE told you wrong or you misheard. Child support is figured on net pay in ALL states per federal law. The only leeway states have in the matter is that some have a standard percentage and some use a formula that considers the income of both parents to determine how much the child should cost to raise and what the non custodial parent's share of that is, but it all figured on net income.

 

[California Girl]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

I personally think that's a good idea. It gives the kids a sense of their own space in each of their two homes.

 

[G.T.]

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/pdfs/cssa_2011.pdf

 

[High_Gravity]

He's not paying alimony. He is paying child support.

And yes it makes sense to provide your children with the same lifestyle they were accustomed to...it isn't their fault your marriage fell apart.

This whole thread just confirms that marriage is a joke and a failure, and a death trap for men.

That's pretty funny since for years and years women were considered the property of their husbands. And in some countries they still are.

If you don't want to get married then don't. It is your choice. But if you have kids you should be responsible for them.

Nobody said fathers shouldn't be responsible for their children, however in this case if the custody is split 50-50 each way, this guy has no reason to be paying any child support whatsoever.

 

[G.T.]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

I personally think that's a good idea. It gives the kids a sense of their own space in each of their two homes.

I agree it's just messed up he's paying 25% of his pay towards the Mom's purchases of those things (in theory of what she SHOULD use the money for), yet they're not allowed to use any of it at his crib.