Offensive jokes

[Votto]

What do you get when you cross a gay eskimo with Barak Obama?


Answer: A snow blower that does not work.

 

[jacobwhite08]

aww..

 

[Indofred]

There were two gay dudes in a telephone box trying to ring each other.

 

[Indofred]

An Irish bloke saw a sign and said to his mate, "Hey, Murphy, there's a job here for tree fellers".
"Don't be silly, Paddy" said Murphy, "there's only two of us".

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do gay guys use ribbed condoms?

Better traction in the mud!

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do they make aspirin white?

So it will work!

 

[Billo_Really]

What's 12 inches long and makes a woman scream in the morning?

Crib death!

 

[Billo_Really]

What do you get when a blonde stands on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

 

[Billo_Really]

What's the difference between a Porche and a Mercedes?

Lady Di wouldn't be caught dead in a Porche!

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think we care!

 

[Geaux4it]

Ok- This guy stops in at the local pub for a cold one and as he is bellying up to the bar he looks down at the end to see a gorilla. Surprised, he asked why there was a gorilla sitting at the bar. The barkeep responds,

'he does tricks'

Really? Like what kind of tricks?

The barkeep responds,

'Here watch.. I'll show you'

So the barkeep walks down to the end of the bar, reaches behind the counter, and comes out swinging







WHAM goes a baseball bat off the gorillas head






Promptly the gorilla drops to its knees and begins to smoke the barkeeps pole. Shortly thereafter he quickly composes himself and scampers over to ask the patron what he thought of the gorilla and his gifted tricks?



The patron was indeed amazed and just couldn't believe what he just witnessed. So he says;


'You know, that was pretty impressive. Never seen anything like it.'


The barkeep responds


'Yea, I know. I hear that often. Do you want me to show you the trick again?'



The patron says



'Sure, but just don't hit me so hard'



-Geaux

 

[Delta4Embassy]

How many religious people does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but instead of changing it they'll just sit there staring at it hoping for God to make it work again.

 

[Votto]

Abortion jokes.

Knock, knock,
Who's there?
You'll never know.


Why did the fetus cross the road?
Because they move the dumpster.


So a fetus wakes up one morning, only to find out that he is in the process of being aborted and asks the doctor, "What the hell are you doing?" The doctor then turns to the mother and smiles and says, "Good thing you are aborting such a stupid kid."



How many dead fetus' does it take to heat a hospital?




President Clinton was presented with an abortion bill in the Oval Office one day and then turns and says, "I though I paid that years ago."

 

[Billo_Really]

How many religious people does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but instead of changing it they'll just sit there staring at it hoping for God to make it work again.

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark!

 

[S.J.]

I told my friend they were gonna send a woman to the moon.

He said "Why, does it need cleaning"?

 

[S.J.]

I got a chain letter saying that if I don't forward this on - a dead girl will appear in my closet!

Guess who's getting laid tonight?

 

[S.J.]

The secret to a good marriage is having sex at least 3 times a week.

And at least once with your wife...

 

[S.J.]

I treated my wife to some special ribbed condoms tonight.

All she needs now is someone desperate enough to fuck her...

 

[S.J.]

I called my boss today.

"I won't be coming tomorrow," I said, "My grandmother has died."

"That's bullshit," he replied, "You've already used this excuse three times before."

"I know," I answered, "My grandfather was a Muslim."

 

[Votto]

I called my boss today.

"I won't be coming tomorrow," I said, "My grandmother has died."

"That's bullshit," he replied, "You've already used this excuse three times before."

"I know," I answered, "My grandfather was a Muslim."

How many left wingers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they scurry like roaches at the sight of light.