Oddball
Unobtanium Member
And you know that good satire has elements of truth to it, don't you?
Paul Ryan said:When Mitt Romney selected me as his running mate, I knew the Democratic attack dogs would come out in full force. They would say Im a right-wing ideologue. They would say my views on entitlement programs are far too radical. They would say putting me on the ticket immediately kills Mitt Romneys chances of becoming president because Im a liability. But if were being honest with each otherif were able to put aside the talking points for a few minutes and say what were all actually thinking and feelingI believe we can acknowledge the real truth here.
Im young, Im handsome, Im smart, and Im articulate. And that scares the ever-loving shit out of you. You can pretend like you have this thing in the bag, but you know good goddamn well that this race just got real interesting, real fast.
Its okay to admit it. Youre frightened to death of me. It might actually be healthy for you to face your fears now rather than later, when Mitt and I are leading by a few points in the polls and it looks like this thing might end badly for you. Face it: Im not some catastrophe waiting to happen, like a Sarah Palin or a Dan Quayle. On the contrary, you have the exact opposite fear. Im a solid, competent, some might say exceptional, politician.
<snip>
Yup, you should be scared shitless of me, because guess who isnt? The people of Wisconsin. They love me. Republicans and Democrats there love me. Hell, I get Democrats to vote for me even if my policies make zero sense when it comes to their livelihoods. Do you know why? Because they like me. They like my story. Young, good-looking kid who pulled himself up by his bootstraps to make something of himself. Christ, I'm a storybook candidate. I balance out this ticket so well its almost too perfect. The people of Ohio are going to think that. And seniors in Floridathe state we supposedly lost when Mitt picked mewont be so scared as soon they know that my mother lives in Florida, and that all I want to do is reform the health care system so she can receive care that makes good fiscal sense.
Boy, Im going to sell the shit out of that talking point. And Im going to do a great job of it. Why? Because Im Paul Ryan. Thats what I do.
FULL TEXT HERE!
you know thats the onion
Though he's not enough to get me to vote for Vinnie Vitalis, Ryan looks like Socrates next to Biden.