The Tweet of God!

[Statistikhengst]

God on Twitter It s funny how nearly all the people who believe global warming is a myth also believe I m not.

View attachment 35609

The Lord has just created a paradox!

All praise Him!

It's the heavenly kobaiashi maru.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Another possible tweet of G-d:

"Whoever composed EVERY SPERM IS SACRED writes crappy melodies."

 

[Derideo_Te]

Another possible tweet of G-d:

"Whoever composed EVERY SPERM IS SACRED writes crappy melodies."

How dare God diss Monty Python!

Immortality can be demotivating.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Another possible tweet of G-d:

"Whoever composed EVERY SPERM IS SACRED writes crappy melodies."

How dare God diss Monty Python!

Immortality can be demotivating.

G-d tweets:

"Monty was once an angel until he started that coconut crap. I then had a python bite him. G-d is almighty."

 

[Derideo_Te]

Another possible tweet of G-d:

"Whoever composed EVERY SPERM IS SACRED writes crappy melodies."

How dare God diss Monty Python!

Immortality can be demotivating.

G-d tweets:

"Monty was once an angel until he started that coconut crap. I then had a python bite him. G-d is almighty."

God has a mighty python that Monty worships!

 

[Tom Sweetnam]

So God...

Three issues:

What are next week's Super Lotto numbers?
What's your favorite chicken & rice recipe?
Why are you such a sadistic prick?

 

[Derideo_Te]

So God...

Three issues:

What are next week's Super Lotto numbers?
What's your favorite chicken & rice recipe?
Why are you such a sadistic prick?

 

[Carla_Danger]

View attachment 35601


God‏@TheTweetOfGod

The new U.S. Congress is 80% white, 80% male, 92% Christian, and 99% 1%.

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Anyone want to disagree with God on this one?



More tweets at;

God TheTweetOfGod Twitter

I now believe in God. Amen, brother! (giggle)

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Why would G-d tweet, when he can just control us through flouride?

Because the last time God told mankind to write down what he was saying it got lost in translation.

Now he gets to say exactly what he means in 140 characters or less. No need for any interpretations.

Moses had ONE THING he just had to do right and the damn fool dropped and broke most of it.

 

[Derideo_Te]

Why would G-d tweet, when he can just control us through flouride?

Because the last time God told mankind to write down what he was saying it got lost in translation.

Now he gets to say exactly what he means in 140 characters or less. No need for any interpretations.

Moses had ONE THING he just had to do right and the damn fool dropped and broke most of it.

Those old tablets were not as light as the ones we have today!

Oh, and you can't blame Moses for not being tablet literate either!

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Because the last time God told mankind to write down what he was saying it got lost in translation.

Now he gets to say exactly what he means in 140 characters or less. No need for any interpretations.

That's true. His tweet about Florida is unequivocal in that we should burn homosexuals at the stake.

That would fall under "human activity" and therefore is verbotten.

Not if we use drones.

We are now as powerful as God because we can watch people from above and strike them dead with a bolt from the sky.

Did you say you are as powerful as God?

You are going to burn in hell for that.

Don't let Jeremiah find out about this.

 

[Derideo_Te]

That's true. His tweet about Florida is unequivocal in that we should burn homosexuals at the stake.

That would fall under "human activity" and therefore is verbotten.

Not if we use drones.

We are now as powerful as God because we can watch people from above and strike them dead with a bolt from the sky.

Did you say you are as powerful as God?

You are going to burn in hell for that.

Don't let Jeremiah find out about this.

That is why I hid this in Politics instead of posting it in Religion & Ethics.

 

[emilynghiem]

Why would G-d tweet, when he can just control us through flouride?

Because the last time God told mankind to write down what he was saying it got lost in translation.

Now he gets to say exactly what he means in 140 characters or less. No need for any interpretations.

Moses had ONE THING he just had to do right and the damn fool dropped and broke most of it.

That's what you get for making engraved images.

 

[emilynghiem]

God tweets, well I can hardly wait for it to catch on with the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa Claus!

God on Twitter It s funny how nearly all the people who believe global warming is a myth also believe I m not.

View attachment 35609

I also noticed the people who don't believe in spiritual healing
believe in depending on govt for health care as a right.

Devil's advocate, perhaps?

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

If those in Congress are even 1% true Christians, Derideo_Te, I'd be surprised. Both parties are quite in the world and of it - from what I can see. As for tweets from some Mocker calling himself God? Not too funny. Not funny at all actually. Reminds me of the guy who said even God could not sink the Titanic - right before it sank to the bottom of the sea. Yep.

 

[emilynghiem]

If those in Congress are even 1% true Christians, Derideo_Te, I'd be surprised. Both parties are quite in the world and of it - from what I can see. As for tweets from some Mocker calling himself God? Not too funny. Not funny at all actually. Reminds me of the guy who said even God could not sink the Titanic - right before it sank to the bottom of the sea. Yep.

Hi Jeremiah: I think the humor teaches people to let go and forgive all the hype and opposing dogma for a split second.
Like a Zen Koan riddle to rejumpstart the brain. I think God's influence is in this to try to open minds that were closed
because of issues we can all learn to laugh at. Because this is done in a forgiving spirit, it is on the good side of God.

However, if it were done with ill will and resentment of some sort, like darker humor, then no,
I agree with you that isn't good for people and can be taken wrong and be a bad influence. You are right
we would have to be careful and respectful.

Sorry if this offends you, Jeremiah.
It seems to be written in a good natured humor that is mean to uplift people, not bring anyone down or twist them against God.
Even God can use secular things for his good purposes and take no credit at all, and work in mysterious ways regardless. God is so wise in His ways, I have even seen Him use Atheists to reach people who were otherwise unreachable and bring them closer than where they were before. I think God's love and truth is behind these jokes, to make people let go.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

God using the F word and talking about how he is going to kill everyone in 2015 but says that about killing everyone each year is good humor? I fail to see it, Emily!!!!

 

[emilynghiem]

God using the F word and talking about how he talks about killing everyone each year is good humor? I fail to see it, Emily!!!!

That's not for you, that's to reach some of the harder audiences.
I know one person who might need to laugh at that one so he doesn't totally give up.

I didn't like that one as much either, to tell you the truth. I'd rather leave it out, too!
No human is perfect, and this is still written by a person or team.
The other ones are more family friendly. I like the one about the Bible being 100% accurate at close range. That's my favorite so far.

Are there ANY that you like?
That you can imagine God saying you humans need to get over yourselves, please!

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Sounds more like someone hates God and feels like mocking Him to me. Let's see how that works out for them. I'm believing it won't be good. Maybe some catastrophe will hit them so hard it will take their breath away - when they finally catch it their first words will be - Oh! God! Please help!

I've seen it all too often.

Goodnight.

 

[emilynghiem]

Sounds more like someone hates God and feels like mocking Him to me. Let's see how that works out for them. I'm believing it won't be good. Maybe some catastrophe will hit them so hard it will take their breath away - when they finally catch it their first words will be - Oh! God! Please help!

I've seen it all too often.

Goodnight.

Hi Jeremiah
The people who REALLY hate God aren't forgiving and aren't as enlightening with their humor.
I know someone whose humor is DARK because that's how he feels.

So this is light compared to that.
I guess you are so used to more positive influence
this seems too dark to you, but I see it as coming from someone
who can see the humor on both sides.

The people who cannot laugh themselves is because they can't forgive.
To make jokes on this level you'd have to let go
and the humor makes other people let go who are stuck in darker places than this!

Jeremiah this humor is not for people like you who have
already ascended to higher heavenly states.

It is for people so stuck in the mud, this is the first sign of light for them to see
they can let go and not stay stuck in resentment.