What Does God Really Want From Marriage

Prove God doesn't exist.

Prove he/she does not exist.

THAT is the whole point. Neither can be proven. That's why its called "faith" instead of "fact". If you choose to believe, you have no choice but to put your intelligence, your logic, everything your brain tells you - all of it, you must put it on hold and CHOOSE to believe in something you will never ever know is true.

If that's what you want, then just do it.

That's a lie. Everyone who lives can know for themselves that God is real. They just have to humble themselves and sincerely seek Him. They will find Him. He reveals Himself to those who seek Him. He always has and He always will. But until you stop lying yourself and stop telling yourself you can't know, you won't ever know. Why would you? It's not different than any other thing we learn. If we tell ourselves we can't learn what 1+1 is, we will never learn that either precisely because we have closed our minds off to the possibility.

You have completely derailed the original subject and purpose of thus thread. If you want to preach, start a new thread.
 
I know for myself that there is a God because I have personal experience with Him.

My brother kept telling me that he's seen Jesus and talked to him. I finally had to tell him to shut up or they wouldn't let him out of the mental hospital. True story.
 
You have completely derailed the original subject and purpose of thus thread. If you want to preach, start a new thread.


So you derailing the thread - alright. Me responding to your derailment - not.

If you can't respond, that's find. At least be honest about it.
 
I'm fascinated by the way the American 'Christians' are so hung up on Genesis and totally ignore everything Jesus said. Sancta simplicitas!

Im fascinated by the way people can say absolutely nothing of value and think they've said something profound.

Like Joseph Smith?

Not at all. If he wasnt saying something of value, he wouldnt be hated by so many people. But That is another topic altogether.
 
I don't have much arguement regarding whether or not a god created the universe.

:eusa_hand:

However god did not create marriage.

Women created marriage.

Sort of like banks created the mortgage: You want a comfortable place to live, then you can pay for it over 30 years.
 
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Okay, I'm finally ready to expound on the reasons I started this thread. I apologize for being gone so long. I went out of town for the weekend, my laptop decided to be uncooperative on the trip, and then it took me a bit to regain my train of thought.

Let me start with the fact that God's interest where we are all concerned is our individual souls, and their disposition in eternity. Not our lives here, not our enjoyment of our lives here, not politics, or nations, or institutions, except insofar as they affect the souls of individual people. Because He loves us, He wants what is best for us, and "best" is defined as what will make us closer to Him and more likely to be in Heaven after our deaths.

That being said, how does the institution of marriage fit into His plans? What is it for? The Bible does address this question.

1) Companionship.

Human beings are social animals. We require interaction with each other; we form societies and we form emotional bonds with each other. Genesis chapter 2 tells us of the creation of Adam, and in verse 18, God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

The Apostle Paul starts his letter to the church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 7) by basically saying that single life is a great thing, a calling from God, and it would be well for others if they could embrace it. Jesus says some of the same sort of thing in in Matthew 19 when He says that it is given to some to be single. But both Paul and Jesus say that this is not the norm for most people. This is probably a good thing, since the human race would die out if it was not for the fact that most of us are wired to seek the company of the opposite sex.

2) Pleasure.

Although human beings have imposed their own odd and negative attitudes toward sex on Christianity for centuries, the truth is that God created us to have sex drives. It is a natural part of who we are as physical creatures to want sex. Human law reflects this - and has done so even in much more religious times - by declaring the marriage as having never existed on the grounds of not being consummated. Contrary to the strange notion many secular people have that Christians, even in marriage, are supposed to strive to be asexual and to find it shameful, the Bible instructs - also in 1 Corinthians 7 - that married people should not withhold themselves from each other, and that their bodies belong not just to themselves, but to their spouses as well.

CS Lewis posits in "The Screwtape Letters" the idea that God is a shameless hedonist, creating a world in which - rather than merely giving us biological drives to eat, drink, procreate, etc. - the things which are a part of the natural order also bring us pleasure, for no apparent reason than that God wants us to have pleasure in our lives.

One of the purposes of marriage (spare me the bitter jokes about the non-existence of sex AFTER marriage, please) is simply to bring pleasure and happiness into our lives in the process of fulfilling certain biological imperatives.

3) Chastity.

The reverse side of marriage's purpose in providing sexual pleasure is its provision for chastity.

Now, I know some people are saying, "How can marriage promote chastity if you're supposed to have sex with your spouse?" But notice that I said "chastity", not "celibacy". Chastity is not simply a lack of all sexual behavior. It is a lack of sexual impurity, a restraint from unlawful or sinful sexual acts. As married people are SUPPOSED to have sex with each other - the Bible exhorts them to do so, and our own laws consider a refusal to have sex with a spouse a violation of the marriage contract - there is nothing sexually impure, unlawful, or sinful about them having sex with each other. A person who regularly has sex with his or her spouse, and no one else, is chaste by Biblical lights.

Quite simply, marriage promotes chastity by giving people a lawful, righteous, and pure outlet for their sexual desires.

4) Procreation.

This is the obvious one. Human beings, like all animals, feel the need to reproduce. And, also like other animals, we have the need to protect our offspring, provide for them, and teach them what they need to be adults. Watch any mother cat and her kittens, for example, and you will see her teaching them to void their bodily wastes away from the den in order to avoid attracting predators, and how to hunt and provide food for themselves.

Humans, of course, are different from other animals in a number of ways. We take longer to reach physical maturity than most other animals, and our primary weapon, rather than fangs or claws or such, is our ability to think and learn. This makes us, our lives, and our societies infinitely more complex, and therefore requires considerably more and longer parenting and training.

Now, before someone gets their panties all in a ruffle and huffily declares that single parents can raise children, too . . . of course they can. And a one-legged man can climb a hill, if he really has to. But you would have to be a dingbat or a liar to refuse to admit that it's OBVIOUSLY easier and more optimal to climb a hill with two legs, and to raise children with two parents.

To be continued . . .
 
All of this having been said, what happens when the institution of marriage stops serving those purposes, and becomes a hinderance, rather than a help, to God's purpose of making us better people, bringing us closer to Him, and leading us eventually to Heaven?

Jesus talks about adultery as grounds for divorce, and Paul repeats it and adds that if a believer is married to an unbeliever who wants to leave, the believer should let him or her go, as well. Does this really mean that God expects, for example, a woman whose husband is an abusive drunk to stay put and "try to make the marriage work", at the risk of her safety and that of her children? Or is she allowed to leave, but required to remain single and alone? What are you supposed to do when your spouse obeys that one particular part of the marriage vows, but violates the others?

Let me give you the specific example that got me really thinking about these things - and no, it was not my own impending divorce, although that obviously contributes some to this train of thought.

I have a friend who has been married for five years. He works two jobs to keep the bills paid and his family provided for, and is understandably tired, sore, and stressed most of the time. He has asked his wife several times to please at least consider getting a part-time job to take some of the financial strain off of him, but she refuses, airily telling him that it's his job as the husband and father to be the provider and hers to take care of the house and kids. That might be okay, except that she doesn't take care of either. Aside from spending money, I've never quite figured out WHAT she does during the day while he's at work, but it's not housework and childcare. Either the kids do it, or he does when he comes home.

Because my friend is a good man and tries hard to be a good Christian, he works very hard at loving his wife. I have, in fact, never seen anyone work that hard at loving someone else in my life. Despite that, the frustration, unhappiness, and growing despair he feels is almost tangible. And not only does their marriage make him miserable, she's a terrible example to and influence on the children, encouraging them to be whining, demanding, and selfish.

The final straw was when she got into a fight with his 15-year-old daughter and hit her. The daughter defended herself, and my friend was left having to actually pull his wife off of his daughter physically. Not content with that, his wife called the cops and tried to have the daughter arrested for attacking HER! My friend then demanded that she move out immediately.

Here's the thing: Now he tells me every so often that he thinks it's "God's will" for him to forgive his wife and "fix" his marriage. The Christians around him, including his pastor, concur with this, telling him that marriage is a commitment for life, that you should do whatever you can to preserve it, yada yada, the whole dogmatic rigamarole. I appear to be the only Christian he knows who thinks it necessary to point out a few obvious facts:

1) His daughter has declared that if his wife comes back into the house, she will run away from home. I've talked to her, and she's dead serious. She will NOT live in the same house with a woman who has emotionally and physically abused her, and I can't say that I blame her.

2) Talking about getting back together with his wife inevitably makes him miserable and depressed. Conversely, talking about plans for his future that DON'T include her make him very happy, positive, and optimistic.

3) His kids are all much happier without her around, and his health has improved immensely. Where he used to have to browbeat the kids into doing chores and helping around the house, they now do so voluntarily and cheerfully, and rather than spending every evening locked in their rooms alone, they now spend the evenings enjoying themselves together as a family. And his blood pressure levels have dropped significantly.

4) The family has begun attending church and reading the Bible again, something that the wife prevented as much as possible. Rather than being bitter and angry at God for the misery in his life, my friend has begun praying and seeking His will again. Unfortunately, this has brought him full circle to a bunch of Christians mindlessly spitting dogma at him about how he needs to get her back, no matter what.

So this is where I stand now, confused and genuinely seeking understanding, not just blank, all-encompassing cliches. Can it really be God's will for my friend to do something that will tear his family apart emotionally, cause his children to be much worse people than they would be otherwise, and move all of them farther away from God, church, and spiritual growth? If that IS His will, why? Because the institution of marriage is more important to Him than the individual human souls it affects? If that's true, WHY?
 
All of this having been said, what happens when the institution of marriage stops serving those purposes, and becomes a hinderance, rather than a help, to God's purpose of making us better people, bringing us closer to Him, and leading us eventually to Heaven?

Jesus talks about adultery as grounds for divorce, and Paul repeats it and adds that if a believer is married to an unbeliever who wants to leave, the believer should let him or her go, as well. Does this really mean that God expects, for example, a woman whose husband is an abusive drunk to stay put and "try to make the marriage work", at the risk of her safety and that of her children? Or is she allowed to leave, but required to remain single and alone? What are you supposed to do when your spouse obeys that one particular part of the marriage vows, but violates the others?

Let me give you the specific example that got me really thinking about these things - and no, it was not my own impending divorce, although that obviously contributes some to this train of thought.

I have a friend who has been married for five years. He works two jobs to keep the bills paid and his family provided for, and is understandably tired, sore, and stressed most of the time. He has asked his wife several times to please at least consider getting a part-time job to take some of the financial strain off of him, but she refuses, airily telling him that it's his job as the husband and father to be the provider and hers to take care of the house and kids. That might be okay, except that she doesn't take care of either. Aside from spending money, I've never quite figured out WHAT she does during the day while he's at work, but it's not housework and childcare. Either the kids do it, or he does when he comes home.

Because my friend is a good man and tries hard to be a good Christian, he works very hard at loving his wife. I have, in fact, never seen anyone work that hard at loving someone else in my life. Despite that, the frustration, unhappiness, and growing despair he feels is almost tangible. And not only does their marriage make him miserable, she's a terrible example to and influence on the children, encouraging them to be whining, demanding, and selfish.

The final straw was when she got into a fight with his 15-year-old daughter and hit her. The daughter defended herself, and my friend was left having to actually pull his wife off of his daughter physically. Not content with that, his wife called the cops and tried to have the daughter arrested for attacking HER! My friend then demanded that she move out immediately.

Here's the thing: Now he tells me every so often that he thinks it's "God's will" for him to forgive his wife and "fix" his marriage. The Christians around him, including his pastor, concur with this, telling him that marriage is a commitment for life, that you should do whatever you can to preserve it, yada yada, the whole dogmatic rigamarole. I appear to be the only Christian he knows who thinks it necessary to point out a few obvious facts:

1) His daughter has declared that if his wife comes back into the house, she will run away from home. I've talked to her, and she's dead serious. She will NOT live in the same house with a woman who has emotionally and physically abused her, and I can't say that I blame her.

2) Talking about getting back together with his wife inevitably makes him miserable and depressed. Conversely, talking about plans for his future that DON'T include her make him very happy, positive, and optimistic.

3) His kids are all much happier without her around, and his health has improved immensely. Where he used to have to browbeat the kids into doing chores and helping around the house, they now do so voluntarily and cheerfully, and rather than spending every evening locked in their rooms alone, they now spend the evenings enjoying themselves together as a family. And his blood pressure levels have dropped significantly.

4) The family has begun attending church and reading the Bible again, something that the wife prevented as much as possible. Rather than being bitter and angry at God for the misery in his life, my friend has begun praying and seeking His will again. Unfortunately, this has brought him full circle to a bunch of Christians mindlessly spitting dogma at him about how he needs to get her back, no matter what.

So this is where I stand now, confused and genuinely seeking understanding, not just blank, all-encompassing cliches. Can it really be God's will for my friend to do something that will tear his family apart emotionally, cause his children to be much worse people than they would be otherwise, and move all of them farther away from God, church, and spiritual growth? If that IS His will, why? Because the institution of marriage is more important to Him than the individual human souls it affects? If that's true, WHY?

Thank you, Cecilie. A few questions about your friends. You say they have been married 5 years and the daughter is 15 so this must be a second marriage for him? I know that step-parenting can be very demanding but I'm really taken back that she physically attacked his daughter because if they are only married 5 years that must not be her biological daughter. She has no right to do this a 15 yr old. It isn't acceptable.

I believe when children are 2 yrs old having a tantrum they may need a time out or a tap on the bottom while saying no no! But what you are describing is physical abuse. Its against the law for one! Second the daughter probably is not going to feel safe with her in the house if she has these type of anger explosions around his children. Adding to this your friend might need to get a restraining order if she begins to show up without his permission because I'm telling you now that such an attack is traumatic for a 15 yr old girls mind. Girls that age fall apart over bullying can you imagine being bullied by a grown woman living in your own house?

I can understand her fear completely. Very disturbing story, Cecilie, your friend is in trouble.

I'm going to break out a bit "different" from the pack here and say I think he needs to accept that maybe this marriage was not the Lords will and therein it isn't working out. I wonder did how long did he know her before he married her? Was he a Christian marrying a non Christian? That alone is a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sure he is being told to deny himself, take up his cross and follow Jesus but sometimes? Sometimes the best thing for everyone is the divorce because when children are involved and there is physical abuse going on? Its not a safe situation. Without meeting the woman I have not a clue what her problem is, if she has a mental illness, is just lazy, if she happened to notice his hard work ethics and saw him as an easy mark ( yes, women do this! ) but from everything you've told me? He did the right thing. She is out of the house, perhaps a restraining order will keep her out, whatever it takes at this point.

Cecilie, do you know how God says you'll have peace in a house full of strife? You must throw the mocker out. Mockers create strife, they live off of it, they torment those around them and every conversation becomes baiting for the next war, mockers will rob your peace so fast you'll wonder where did it go and what just happened! That is the truth. I'm sorry your friend is going through this and I will keep him in my prayers. I have been where he is at right now. This is not an easy thing to go through. Here is the upside:

It is wonderful that his daughter can talk to you as I think talking is going to help her get past this a little faster than holding it in and you are a woman so this is going to give her some comfort. Her dad is a male and she may not want to tell him everything this woman has done. - Jeremiah

note* Others may disagree with my belief that divorce could be the best thing for this family. Let me advise them to please look up the story of Kathryn Kuhlman ( famous evangelist ) divorce, Marie Woodworth Etter divorce ( she was also famous evangelist ) and let them know I believe God told these women to get out. Etter was in an abusive marriage to a man that was the male counterpart of how this woman has behaved. I believe both women were 100% correct in their decisions to get divorced and I'm evangelical. So there you have it.
 
What Does God Really Want From Marriage

Lots of good sex until it turns boring, then divorce to have more good sex.

:thanks:
 
All of this having been said, what happens when the institution of marriage stops serving those purposes, and becomes a hinderance, rather than a help, to God's purpose of making us better people, bringing us closer to Him, and leading us eventually to Heaven?

Jesus talks about adultery as grounds for divorce, and Paul repeats it and adds that if a believer is married to an unbeliever who wants to leave, the believer should let him or her go, as well. Does this really mean that God expects, for example, a woman whose husband is an abusive drunk to stay put and "try to make the marriage work", at the risk of her safety and that of her children? Or is she allowed to leave, but required to remain single and alone? What are you supposed to do when your spouse obeys that one particular part of the marriage vows, but violates the others?

Let me give you the specific example that got me really thinking about these things - and no, it was not my own impending divorce, although that obviously contributes some to this train of thought.

I have a friend who has been married for five years. He works two jobs to keep the bills paid and his family provided for, and is understandably tired, sore, and stressed most of the time. He has asked his wife several times to please at least consider getting a part-time job to take some of the financial strain off of him, but she refuses, airily telling him that it's his job as the husband and father to be the provider and hers to take care of the house and kids. That might be okay, except that she doesn't take care of either. Aside from spending money, I've never quite figured out WHAT she does during the day while he's at work, but it's not housework and childcare. Either the kids do it, or he does when he comes home.

Because my friend is a good man and tries hard to be a good Christian, he works very hard at loving his wife. I have, in fact, never seen anyone work that hard at loving someone else in my life. Despite that, the frustration, unhappiness, and growing despair he feels is almost tangible. And not only does their marriage make him miserable, she's a terrible example to and influence on the children, encouraging them to be whining, demanding, and selfish.

The final straw was when she got into a fight with his 15-year-old daughter and hit her. The daughter defended herself, and my friend was left having to actually pull his wife off of his daughter physically. Not content with that, his wife called the cops and tried to have the daughter arrested for attacking HER! My friend then demanded that she move out immediately.

Here's the thing: Now he tells me every so often that he thinks it's "God's will" for him to forgive his wife and "fix" his marriage. The Christians around him, including his pastor, concur with this, telling him that marriage is a commitment for life, that you should do whatever you can to preserve it, yada yada, the whole dogmatic rigamarole. I appear to be the only Christian he knows who thinks it necessary to point out a few obvious facts:

1) His daughter has declared that if his wife comes back into the house, she will run away from home. I've talked to her, and she's dead serious. She will NOT live in the same house with a woman who has emotionally and physically abused her, and I can't say that I blame her.

2) Talking about getting back together with his wife inevitably makes him miserable and depressed. Conversely, talking about plans for his future that DON'T include her make him very happy, positive, and optimistic.

3) His kids are all much happier without her around, and his health has improved immensely. Where he used to have to browbeat the kids into doing chores and helping around the house, they now do so voluntarily and cheerfully, and rather than spending every evening locked in their rooms alone, they now spend the evenings enjoying themselves together as a family. And his blood pressure levels have dropped significantly.

4) The family has begun attending church and reading the Bible again, something that the wife prevented as much as possible. Rather than being bitter and angry at God for the misery in his life, my friend has begun praying and seeking His will again. Unfortunately, this has brought him full circle to a bunch of Christians mindlessly spitting dogma at him about how he needs to get her back, no matter what.

So this is where I stand now, confused and genuinely seeking understanding, not just blank, all-encompassing cliches. Can it really be God's will for my friend to do something that will tear his family apart emotionally, cause his children to be much worse people than they would be otherwise, and move all of them farther away from God, church, and spiritual growth? If that IS His will, why? Because the institution of marriage is more important to Him than the individual human souls it affects? If that's true, WHY?

Thank you, Cecilie. A few questions about your friends. You say they have been married 5 years and the daughter is 15 so this must be a second marriage for him? I know that step-parenting can be very demanding but I'm really taken back that she physically attacked his daughter because if they are only married 5 years that must not be her biological daughter. She has no right to do this a 15 yr old. It isn't acceptable.

Yes, it is his second marriage. His first marriage fell under Christ's exception to the rule, in that his ex-wife cheated on him, and then abandoned him and the children for her new fellow.

I believe when children are 2 yrs old having a tantrum they may need a time out or a tap on the bottom while saying no no! But what you are describing is physical abuse. Its against the law for one! Second the daughter probably is not going to feel safe with her in the house if she has these type of anger explosions around his children. Adding to this your friend might need to get a restraining order if she begins to show up without his permission because I'm telling you now that such an attack is traumatic for a 15 yr old girls mind. Girls that age fall apart over bullying can you imagine being bullied by a grown woman living in your own house?

Since she walloped the bitch a good one, I think her mental state is pretty good on that score. :) Nevertheless, she certainly has no intention of living in the same house with her anymore, and I don't blame her in the slightest.

I can understand her fear completely. Very disturbing story, Cecilie, your friend is in trouble.

I'm going to break out a bit "different" from the pack here and say I think he needs to accept that maybe this marriage was not the Lords will and therein it isn't working out. I wonder did how long did he know her before he married her? Was he a Christian marrying a non Christian? That alone is a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sure he is being told to deny himself, take up his cross and follow Jesus but sometimes? Sometimes the best thing for everyone is the divorce because when children are involved and there is physical abuse going on? Its not a safe situation. Without meeting the woman I have not a clue what her problem is, if she has a mental illness, is just lazy, if she happened to notice his hard work ethics and saw him as an easy mark ( yes, women do this! ) but from everything you've told me? He did the right thing. She is out of the house, perhaps a restraining order will keep her out, whatever it takes at this point.

See, that's what I think, too. From everything I can understand, she initially presented herself as the perfect, old-fashioned wife, interested in taking care of the house, raising the kids, going to church, getting a property where they could raise animals and grow a vegetable garden and the whole nine yards. In very little time, she was quitting her job, refusing to get another one, cheating on him, causing problems that isolated them from the other church members, and just generally making everyone's lives miserable.

Now, of course, she's all tears and apologies and promises to "change" and learn to be all the things she promised she was at the outset, and all I can think of is the guys who get drunk, beat the crap out of their families, then apologize with candy and flowers the next day, only to do it again and again for the next however-many years.

Cecilie, do you know how God says you'll have peace in a house full of strife? You must throw the mocker out. Mockers create strife, they live off of it, they torment those around them and every conversation becomes baiting for the next war, mockers will rob your peace so fast you'll wonder where did it go and what just happened! That is the truth. I'm sorry your friend is going through this and I will keep him in my prayers. I have been where he is at right now. This is not an easy thing to go through. Here is the upside:

It is wonderful that his daughter can talk to you as I think talking is going to help her get past this a little faster than holding it in and you are a woman so this is going to give her some comfort. Her dad is a male and she may not want to tell him everything this woman has done. - Jeremiah

note* Others may disagree with my belief that divorce could be the best thing for this family. Let me advise them to please look up the story of Kathryn Kuhlman ( famous evangelist ) divorce, Marie Woodworth Etter divorce ( she was also famous evangelist ) and let them know I believe God told these women to get out. Etter was in an abusive marriage to a man that was the male counterpart of how this woman has behaved. I believe both women were 100% correct in their decisions to get divorced and I'm evangelical. So there you have it.

Well, thank you for considering the situation on its individual merits, rather than lapsing into blank dogma. This really preys on my mind, particularly since I'm undergoing my own divorce, because it's always hard to break away from established belief and practice without worrying that you're straying badly into sin without realizing it. I imagine the early Lutherans felt much the same concerns.
 
Yes, well this is what I believe, Cecelie. Only you know what you are going through in this situation and what kind of environment it creates if you stay, etc. that is between you and God but know this! God isn't going to throw you away because you got a divorce. His love isn't going to increase if you don't get one and it won't diminish if you do! His love is the same for you irregardless of what you do - just to encourage you in case you start getting into condemnation. God never condemns you. That's the other guy..

Your friends wife sounds like a controller. You never mentioned control but I am really feeling that is an issue with this woman. Controllers react in different ways when their plans don't work out. They will cry, threaten, use anger, rage, sympathy, intimidation, coercion ( you made a vow to God, you must keep it..... ) anything to hold the person they are controlling in that place. It is spiritual. It is called a Spirit of Control. Ask your friend to ask his pastor about that. I'm sure he is familiar with what I am speaking of. Best wishes to you, Cecilie! Good night. - Jeremiah
 
Adam and Eve weren't married. And god didn't expect them to be. Church is just a way for pedophiles and other con men to take your money.
 
Adam and Eve weren't married. And god didn't expect them to be. Church is just a way for pedophiles and other con men to take your money.

If you think Adam and Eve weren't married, then you clearly havent read even the first pages of the Bible.
 
Adam and Eve weren't married. And god didn't expect them to be. Church is just a way for pedophiles and other con men to take your money.

If you think Adam and Eve weren't married, then you clearly havent read even the first pages of the Bible.

I'm still trying to understand the first paragraph where god made the world in 6 days. I'm still trying to figure out how they came to that conclusion, which is not supported by facts, scientific or otherwise.
 

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