Acting Like a Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

[anotherlife]

I think you are off base and WAY overthinking this. But, in the end, it is what it is.

For the record, I think feminists have hurt women in the long run

I am pretty sure that women are not trophies most of the time, although sometimes every woman is a trophy.

 

[Foxfyre]

How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

****Edited by Foxfyre for brevity -
refer to OP for full quote****
------------------------------------

Carrie Gress, a homeschooling mother of four, has a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America and is a faculty member at Pontifex University. She is a regular blogger at The National Catholic Register and the author of several books, including "Ultimate Makeover: The Transforming Power of Motherhood" and "The Marian Option: God's Solution to a Civilization in Crisis."

I am a 100% full blown, outspoken feminist who has been married for a very long time to great guy who is all guy and who is not expected to demonstrate his 'feminine' side.

I have spent most of my adult life in occupations most usually held by men and I have earned just as much and usually out performed most. I admire the female American Ninja Warriors and, while appreciating their amazing physical abilities, often surpassing that of some of the men, I note that almost all are absolutely knock down drop dead gorgeous and quite feminine.

I don't want any roadblocks that prevent anybody being the best that they can be doing anything. If the woman is as reliable and productive and flexible as the guys, she deserves the same pay and opportunities they get. But if she isn't, she has no moral authority to whine about less opportunity, fewer promotions, lower pay.

But other than practical accommodations related to gender--I like separate restrooms for the girls for instance when it is practical to provide one--I don't want any standards lowered anywhere so that women can qualify for jobs. If she can do what the guys are expected to do then she qualifies. If not, she doesn't just like any guys who can't meet the qualifications don't qualify.

And I love being a girl. Being a wife. Being a mother. I don't dress like a guy, enjoy making myself pretty and smelling good, and I enjoy having a gentleman help me out of the car, adjust my chair when being seated at the restaurant, and other little social pleasantries.

Conclusion: it is not feminism that is the problem. It is man hating/emasculation and/or sense of entitlement that is the problem and, in my opinion, that is the driving force within much of the so-called militant feminism and why so many such feminists cannot sustain a heterosexual relationship.

It is common sense that feminism is a part of the LGBT movement. But why do feminists deny this?

Well, I am certainly not a member of the LGBT anything but I am a hard nosed feminist.

But then I think guys are really very nice to have around. And I believe God made men and women different for a reason. So I don't get invited to quite a few of militant feminist clubs.

 

[Spare_change]

Dr Laura addresses exactly this in her "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" book. Feminism is destroying marriages. However, there is also a lack of manhood as well among men who are perfectly happy to live like teenage boys and have mama take care of them. Where are the real men nowadays? There are some but much more rare now. Where are the men who take pride in providing for their families and being men?

You mention lack of manhood, and I ardently agree. However, we should ask what causes that. Women insist that they be considered equal. Unfortunately this has been perverted from a quest for equality to a demand for control.

The insistence of women for "equality" has manifested itself in the demand that women assume those responsibilities classically reserved for men. Men are not genetically built for that --- they want to be responsible, they want to be in charge (or, at least, to be perceived as being so), they want to feel needed and necessary. However, we now have a generation (or two) of men that has been browbeaten and demeaned for this by the perversion of the "feminist movement", and they are suppressing these feelings. We wonder why marriage is a dying condition - women don't accept the need of a man to be in charge, and men don't accept the failure of women to respect what a man brings to the marriage.

We talk about men wanting sex ... but that's not what is really going on. Men want respect ... and they will marry the woman who gives it to him. It doesn't matter how good looking she is, how great she is in bed, although those are nice attributes to have. We all know famous and successful men who are married to women who wouldn't seem to fit the ideal. She, however, brings something more valuable to the relationship than the ability to give a fantastic blow job. She knows how to make him feel like a needed and necessary contributor to the home and, more importantly, to the relationship. If a man's "perfect woman" turns out to be an ego-crushing harridan, he's outta there.

It's real simple - if men don't get what they want, they look elsewhere, and will keep looking until they find it. In that, they are no different than women.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Not to confuse modern feminism (post 1970's) to women's liberation prior to that.
Modern feminism is a wholly destructive force that diminishes and devalues the woman's role as a caregiver and supportive wife, while rebuking manhood and seeking to emasculate him.
Show me a culture that supports the family structure, and admires it's values and principles and I will show you a productive society, low crime and general well being.
Show me a culture that diminishes family values and rejects the role of a man and a woman and I will show you chaos and amorality.

 

[Mudda]

How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

In the ongoing discussion about male and female relationships, several recent articles emphasize men’s failures for women’s discontent, such as “Childish Men are to Blame for Women Having Kids Late in Life.” Some articles pin the blame on behavior, while others look to economics, or education, such as this article in The Telegraph. It reports that, “A dearth of marriageable men has left an ‘oversupply’ of educated women taking desperate steps to preserve their fertility.” These “left-over women” are freezing their eggs for use later, should they finally meet someone suitable.

While it is tough to overlook real character flaws in men, a missing piece from these discussions is any consideration of the dramatic changes that have taken place in women over the last five decades. Perhaps females have become less marriageable? Women today are supposed to “be bold and assertive,” but could all this girl-power actually undermine our best efforts at finding marital bliss?

Feminism has ushered in a near-universal trend for women to “just one of the boys” or to be better than the boys. It is reflected in our sarcasm, sexual habits, attire, and goals. A recent study found that women are now dropping the f-bomb more than men.

“Fight like a girl,” “Strong is the new pretty,” and “Find your fierce” may sound nice, but we have to ask if they have led women to happiness or an endless fluctuation between ferocity and victimhood. For example, take Kathy Griffin presenting the faux head of Donald Trump on TV. She “resisted” but when public opinion (and a lot of money) turned away from her, she tried to spin it so she became the victim in the story.

While this example is extreme, women are daily encouraged to act boldly (and, of course, there are times when we must—I’m not suggesting becoming a door mat), but simultaneously to become the victim when things don’t go as planned. This may work in a media stunt, but it is toxic for real relationships when people are counting on wisdom, prudence, and loyalty.

What Men Find Attractive About Women
The bulk of advice women hear on happiness generally comes from other women—the new matriarchs of culture. But if we are talking about marriage, shouldn’t men’s opinions be considered? What they find attractive, compelling, endearing, and so on? You can learn a lot if you listen to men when they don’t know we are listening: poetry and music.

From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness. Looking past lyrics dripping with lust, a pattern emerges. Dante, the Beatles, Elvis, James Taylor, Sting, The Grateful Dead, Tim McGraw, and on and on—all speak of loving a truthful, kind, loyal, soulful woman who brings them peace. There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.

Even this poetic prose found on recently on Facebook by Aaron Ingram speaks to the constant desires of a man’s heart: “Can I just say that I got me a country girl, so honest, joyful and sweet. I got me an intelligent, sensitive, LOYAL queen who loves me for who I am. Makes me feel free and alive. I gots me a country girl. Thank you Maker. You are mysterious and, beautiful and faith worthy.” The message from men hasn’t changed.

Inflicting Pain Does Not Produce Gain
In the meantime, women who have found husbands aren’t finding it to be paradise either. Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women. While yes, perhaps there is blame to attribute to husbands, again there is little discussion about what women might be contributing to the split.

In a shocking admonition, love expert Andrea Miller over at Your Tango, a site dedicated to love and relationships (that also has a section on zodiac signs and horoscopes), has suggested the radical idea that a wife’s job is, in fact, to make her husband happy. She explains:

Too often these women — even the strongest, smartest, most independent of them — weirdly believe that if they inflict enough pain back onto their partners or exact enough control of them, they’ll suddenly get with the program. Instead, the opposite usually happens. Their partners — not feeling loved enough and tired of feeling nagged, controlled, and criticized — do the opposite. They withdraw and tune out. And the cycle of drama and dysfunction only becomes more vicious and protracted.

Too often these women — even the strongest, smartest, most independent of them — weirdly believe that if they inflict enough pain back onto their partners or exact enough control of them, they’ll suddenly get with the program. Instead, the opposite usually happens. Their partners — not feeling loved enough and tired of feeling nagged, controlled, and criticized — do the opposite. They withdraw and tune out. And the cycle of drama and dysfunction only becomes more vicious and protracted.

Miller goes on to explain that after realizing that the pain she was inflicting upon her spouse wasn’t making either of them happy, she tried something else: tenderness, less judgment and punishment, and more affection. The results, she explains, were brilliant.

I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.

While bringing out the best in her husband, Miller brought out the best of herself—kind, warm, thoughtful, compassionate. For decades, women have been told that somehow we can be happy without these things, but the real secret is as old as poetry and song.

------------------------------------

Carrie Gress, a homeschooling mother of four, has a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America and is a faculty member at Pontifex University. She is a regular blogger at The National Catholic Register and the author of several books, including "Ultimate Makeover: The Transforming Power of Motherhood" and "The Marian Option: God's Solution to a Civilization in Crisis."

Men want a hot sexy bitch who is great in the sack. Anything on top of that is pure gravy.

 

[anotherlife]

Feminism is a special interest that makes its money by legislating extortion. Also, feminism plays into the hands of ultra leftist progressive totalitarian power, by isolating each individual and exposing them to absolute government control.

 

[anotherlife]

How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

****Edited by Foxfyre for brevity -
refer to OP for full quote****
------------------------------------

Carrie Gress, a homeschooling mother of four, has a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America and is a faculty member at Pontifex University. She is a regular blogger at The National Catholic Register and the author of several books, including "Ultimate Makeover: The Transforming Power of Motherhood" and "The Marian Option: God's Solution to a Civilization in Crisis."

I am a 100% full blown, outspoken feminist who has been married for a very long time to great guy who is all guy and who is not expected to demonstrate his 'feminine' side.

I have spent most of my adult life in occupations most usually held by men and I have earned just as much and usually out performed most. I admire the female American Ninja Warriors and, while appreciating their amazing physical abilities, often surpassing that of some of the men, I note that almost all are absolutely knock down drop dead gorgeous and quite feminine.

I don't want any roadblocks that prevent anybody being the best that they can be doing anything. If the woman is as reliable and productive and flexible as the guys, she deserves the same pay and opportunities they get. But if she isn't, she has no moral authority to whine about less opportunity, fewer promotions, lower pay.

But other than practical accommodations related to gender--I like separate restrooms for the girls for instance when it is practical to provide one--I don't want any standards lowered anywhere so that women can qualify for jobs. If she can do what the guys are expected to do then she qualifies. If not, she doesn't just like any guys who can't meet the qualifications don't qualify.

And I love being a girl. Being a wife. Being a mother. I don't dress like a guy, enjoy making myself pretty and smelling good, and I enjoy having a gentleman help me out of the car, adjust my chair when being seated at the restaurant, and other little social pleasantries.

Conclusion: it is not feminism that is the problem. It is man hating/emasculation and/or sense of entitlement that is the problem and, in my opinion, that is the driving force within much of the so-called militant feminism and why so many such feminists cannot sustain a heterosexual relationship.

It is common sense that feminism is a part of the LGBT movement. But why do feminists deny this?

Well, I am certainly not a member of the LGBT anything but I am a hard nosed feminist.

But then I think guys are really very nice to have around. And I believe God made men and women different for a reason. So I don't get invited to quite a few of militant feminist clubs.

OH I know this one. How could I forget. Yes you need nice guys around. You need the sensitive guys around to dump your children on, as a result of your pregnancies from the bad boys. Who says feminism is not a winner?

 

[Foxfyre]

How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

****Edited by Foxfyre for brevity -
refer to OP for full quote****
------------------------------------

Carrie Gress, a homeschooling mother of four, has a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America and is a faculty member at Pontifex University. She is a regular blogger at The National Catholic Register and the author of several books, including "Ultimate Makeover: The Transforming Power of Motherhood" and "The Marian Option: God's Solution to a Civilization in Crisis."

I am a 100% full blown, outspoken feminist who has been married for a very long time to great guy who is all guy and who is not expected to demonstrate his 'feminine' side.

I have spent most of my adult life in occupations most usually held by men and I have earned just as much and usually out performed most. I admire the female American Ninja Warriors and, while appreciating their amazing physical abilities, often surpassing that of some of the men, I note that almost all are absolutely knock down drop dead gorgeous and quite feminine.

I don't want any roadblocks that prevent anybody being the best that they can be doing anything. If the woman is as reliable and productive and flexible as the guys, she deserves the same pay and opportunities they get. But if she isn't, she has no moral authority to whine about less opportunity, fewer promotions, lower pay.

But other than practical accommodations related to gender--I like separate restrooms for the girls for instance when it is practical to provide one--I don't want any standards lowered anywhere so that women can qualify for jobs. If she can do what the guys are expected to do then she qualifies. If not, she doesn't just like any guys who can't meet the qualifications don't qualify.

And I love being a girl. Being a wife. Being a mother. I don't dress like a guy, enjoy making myself pretty and smelling good, and I enjoy having a gentleman help me out of the car, adjust my chair when being seated at the restaurant, and other little social pleasantries.

Conclusion: it is not feminism that is the problem. It is man hating/emasculation and/or sense of entitlement that is the problem and, in my opinion, that is the driving force within much of the so-called militant feminism and why so many such feminists cannot sustain a heterosexual relationship.

It is common sense that feminism is a part of the LGBT movement. But why do feminists deny this?

Well, I am certainly not a member of the LGBT anything but I am a hard nosed feminist.

But then I think guys are really very nice to have around. And I believe God made men and women different for a reason. So I don't get invited to quite a few of militant feminist clubs.

OH I know this one. How could I forget. Yes you need nice guys around. You need the sensitive guys around to dump your children on, as a result of your pregnancies from the bad boys. Who says feminism is not a winner?

LOL. That kind of feminism absolutely isn't in my book.

BUT, again, I do consider myself a feminist who champions the right of women to be women, to LIKE being women, to appreciate women, to understand that our gender is not a handicap in any way but rather suits us to be important in the family, in the work place, in the social order.

And while except in very narrow definitions, our gender should not prevent us from being the best that we can be or from qualifying us for whatever we legitimately qualify for, I think we are better suited for certain roles in the scheme of things. But we can love being women and excel as human beings without putting down and/or emasculating men or asking or demanding them to be anything other than as God naturally created them to be.

 

[Aletheia4u]

How Acting Like A Feminist Can Ruin Your Marriage

In the ongoing discussion about male and female relationships, several recent articles emphasize men’s failures for women’s discontent, such as “Childish Men are to Blame for Women Having Kids Late in Life.” Some articles pin the blame on behavior, while others look to economics, or education, such as this article in The Telegraph. It reports that, “A dearth of marriageable men has left an ‘oversupply’ of educated women taking desperate steps to preserve their fertility.” These “left-over women” are freezing their eggs for use later, should they finally meet someone suitable.

While it is tough to overlook real character flaws in men, a missing piece from these discussions is any consideration of the dramatic changes that have taken place in women over the last five decades. Perhaps females have become less marriageable? Women today are supposed to “be bold and assertive,” but could all this girl-power actually undermine our best efforts at finding marital bliss?

Feminism has ushered in a near-universal trend for women to “just one of the boys” or to be better than the boys. It is reflected in our sarcasm, sexual habits, attire, and goals. A recent study found that women are now dropping the f-bomb more than men.

“Fight like a girl,” “Strong is the new pretty,” and “Find your fierce” may sound nice, but we have to ask if they have led women to happiness or an endless fluctuation between ferocity and victimhood. For example, take Kathy Griffin presenting the faux head of Donald Trump on TV. She “resisted” but when public opinion (and a lot of money) turned away from her, she tried to spin it so she became the victim in the story.

While this example is extreme, women are daily encouraged to act boldly (and, of course, there are times when we must—I’m not suggesting becoming a door mat), but simultaneously to become the victim when things don’t go as planned. This may work in a media stunt, but it is toxic for real relationships when people are counting on wisdom, prudence, and loyalty.

What Men Find Attractive About Women
The bulk of advice women hear on happiness generally comes from other women—the new matriarchs of culture. But if we are talking about marriage, shouldn’t men’s opinions be considered? What they find attractive, compelling, endearing, and so on? You can learn a lot if you listen to men when they don’t know we are listening: poetry and music.

From the dawn of time, men croon about particular attributes especially found in women: loyalty, sweetness, a calming presence, kindness, thoughtfulness. Looking past lyrics dripping with lust, a pattern emerges. Dante, the Beatles, Elvis, James Taylor, Sting, The Grateful Dead, Tim McGraw, and on and on—all speak of loving a truthful, kind, loyal, soulful woman who brings them peace. There has been no love song dedicated to a nagging, angry, self-absorbed woman.

Even this poetic prose found on recently on Facebook by Aaron Ingram speaks to the constant desires of a man’s heart: “Can I just say that I got me a country girl, so honest, joyful and sweet. I got me an intelligent, sensitive, LOYAL queen who loves me for who I am. Makes me feel free and alive. I gots me a country girl. Thank you Maker. You are mysterious and, beautiful and faith worthy.” The message from men hasn’t changed.

Inflicting Pain Does Not Produce Gain
In the meantime, women who have found husbands aren’t finding it to be paradise either. Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women. While yes, perhaps there is blame to attribute to husbands, again there is little discussion about what women might be contributing to the split.

In a shocking admonition, love expert Andrea Miller over at Your Tango, a site dedicated to love and relationships (that also has a section on zodiac signs and horoscopes), has suggested the radical idea that a wife’s job is, in fact, to make her husband happy. She explains:

Too often these women — even the strongest, smartest, most independent of them — weirdly believe that if they inflict enough pain back onto their partners or exact enough control of them, they’ll suddenly get with the program. Instead, the opposite usually happens. Their partners — not feeling loved enough and tired of feeling nagged, controlled, and criticized — do the opposite. They withdraw and tune out. And the cycle of drama and dysfunction only becomes more vicious and protracted.

Too often these women — even the strongest, smartest, most independent of them — weirdly believe that if they inflict enough pain back onto their partners or exact enough control of them, they’ll suddenly get with the program. Instead, the opposite usually happens. Their partners — not feeling loved enough and tired of feeling nagged, controlled, and criticized — do the opposite. They withdraw and tune out. And the cycle of drama and dysfunction only becomes more vicious and protracted.

Miller goes on to explain that after realizing that the pain she was inflicting upon her spouse wasn’t making either of them happy, she tried something else: tenderness, less judgment and punishment, and more affection. The results, she explains, were brilliant.

I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.

While bringing out the best in her husband, Miller brought out the best of herself—kind, warm, thoughtful, compassionate. For decades, women have been told that somehow we can be happy without these things, but the real secret is as old as poetry and song.

------------------------------------

Carrie Gress, a homeschooling mother of four, has a doctorate in philosophy from the Catholic University of America and is a faculty member at Pontifex University. She is a regular blogger at The National Catholic Register and the author of several books, including "Ultimate Makeover: The Transforming Power of Motherhood" and "The Marian Option: God's Solution to a Civilization in Crisis."

It is in a man nature to be look upon as something special. But he doesn't want to express that to his wife how much he needs to have her attention, because it makes him look like a whimp. But when a woman belittles the man, it crushes his heart. But then when another woman comes along, giving him that attention that he is lacking, that he will start being infatuated with her. But some women knows that a man like to be uplifted, and that they uses it as a weapon when they are upset at them. But when a woman has sexual relations with her man, that if she cannot climax, then she should fake it by shivering and scratching up her man's back. It might be painful for the man, but he will like it and will go over to his friend's homes and use it as an conversational piece.