Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers

[Doc7505]

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers​

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers

U.S. — As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.

babylonbee.com

28 Jun 2024 ~~

As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.
News channel CNN conducted a poll asking viewers who won last night's debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, with a shocking 33% of people responding that they suffer from advanced cognitive impairment, officially placing them at or beyond the stupidity of a box of rocks.
"We can confirm over one-third of the country is drooling morons," said Dr. Bradford Doran, head of the research team conducting the poll. "While it's always been suspected that a significant number of Americans were mindless idiots, no one ever suspected that there were this many of them. It's fascinating and yet terrifying at the same time."
Experts confirmed that anyone who holds the opinion that Biden performed well enough in the debate to win could only be scientifically classified as a total imbecile. "It's true," Dr. Doran confirmed. "While people are entitled to their own opinions, anyone who honestly believes Biden won the debate can be clinically classified under the technical term ‘nincompoop.'"


Commentary:
The new benchmark test in the yearly Medicare checkup.
Imagine all of those hammers sitting in the peanut gallery listening to the Demented one tell lies in North Carolina. They put the blacks in the seats behind him. Real retards. Tater Swuft’s Tater Tots.
Once more, the BabylonBee finds satire in truth....

 

[Dont Taz Me Bro]

I think that percentage is likely higher and not satire.

 

[White 6]

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers​

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers

U.S. — As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.

babylonbee.com

28 Jun 2024 ~~

View attachment 968715​

As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.
News channel CNN conducted a poll asking viewers who won last night's debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, with a shocking 33% of people responding that they suffer from advanced cognitive impairment, officially placing them at or beyond the stupidity of a box of rocks.
"We can confirm over one-third of the country is drooling morons," said Dr. Bradford Doran, head of the research team conducting the poll. "While it's always been suspected that a significant number of Americans were mindless idiots, no one ever suspected that there were this many of them. It's fascinating and yet terrifying at the same time."
Experts confirmed that anyone who holds the opinion that Biden performed well enough in the debate to win could only be scientifically classified as a total imbecile. "It's true," Dr. Doran confirmed. "While people are entitled to their own opinions, anyone who honestly believes Biden won the debate can be clinically classified under the technical term ‘nincompoop.'"


Commentary:
The new benchmark test in the yearly Medicare checkup.
Imagine all of those hammers sitting in the peanut gallery listening to the Demented one tell lies in North Carolina. They put the blacks in the seats behind him. Real retards. Tater Swuft’s Tater Tots.
Once more, the BabylonBee finds satire in truth....

I saw that stat on CNN, though the CNN people were lamenting in shock over how badly Joe did. Nice move putting it here, but not necessary and the surprising stat was real, unlike most Babylon Bee stuff. This one, I am sure, wrote itself.

The moment, I saw it, I thought, "Are you Fucking kidding me?", but that reminded me too much of the scene from the movie The Martian.

 

[JackOfNoTrades]

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers​

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers

U.S. — As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.

babylonbee.com

28 Jun 2024 ~~

View attachment 968715​

As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.
News channel CNN conducted a poll asking viewers who won last night's debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, with a shocking 33% of people responding that they suffer from advanced cognitive impairment, officially placing them at or beyond the stupidity of a box of rocks.
"We can confirm over one-third of the country is drooling morons," said Dr. Bradford Doran, head of the research team conducting the poll. "While it's always been suspected that a significant number of Americans were mindless idiots, no one ever suspected that there were this many of them. It's fascinating and yet terrifying at the same time."
Experts confirmed that anyone who holds the opinion that Biden performed well enough in the debate to win could only be scientifically classified as a total imbecile. "It's true," Dr. Doran confirmed. "While people are entitled to their own opinions, anyone who honestly believes Biden won the debate can be clinically classified under the technical term ‘nincompoop.'"


Commentary:
The new benchmark test in the yearly Medicare checkup.
Imagine all of those hammers sitting in the peanut gallery listening to the Demented one tell lies in North Carolina. They put the blacks in the seats behind him. Real retards. Tater Swuft’s Tater Tots.
Once more, the BabylonBee finds satire in truth....

Don't you mean 67%....?

 

[deannalw]

I'm sure they fucked up and the real figure is 33% is not dumber than a bag of hammers.

I look at that number with the hairy eye of suspicion as well.

 

[MarathonMike]

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers​

Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers

U.S. — As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.

babylonbee.com

28 Jun 2024 ~~

View attachment 968715​

As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.
News channel CNN conducted a poll asking viewers who won last night's debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, with a shocking 33% of people responding that they suffer from advanced cognitive impairment, officially placing them at or beyond the stupidity of a box of rocks.
"We can confirm over one-third of the country is drooling morons," said Dr. Bradford Doran, head of the research team conducting the poll. "While it's always been suspected that a significant number of Americans were mindless idiots, no one ever suspected that there were this many of them. It's fascinating and yet terrifying at the same time."
Experts confirmed that anyone who holds the opinion that Biden performed well enough in the debate to win could only be scientifically classified as a total imbecile. "It's true," Dr. Doran confirmed. "While people are entitled to their own opinions, anyone who honestly believes Biden won the debate can be clinically classified under the technical term ‘nincompoop.'"


Commentary:
The new benchmark test in the yearly Medicare checkup.
Imagine all of those hammers sitting in the peanut gallery listening to the Demented one tell lies in North Carolina. They put the blacks in the seats behind him. Real retards. Tater Swuft’s Tater Tots.
Once more, the BabylonBee finds satire in truth....

That is the 1/3rd of America that is so emotionally controlled by Trump hate, they see nothing else.

 

[August West]

It`s an old study but there`s no reason to think that anything has changed. FOX News viewers are more likely to struggle to locate South Carolina on a map than people who get news from a variety of sources. If they can attribute their ignorance to FOX News, they`re fools to not demand reparations.

A Rigorous Scientific Look Into The 'Fox News Effect'

What is the Fox News effect? What causes it? This question was originally answered on Quora by William Poundstone.

www.forbes.com

 

[MisterBeale]

I saw that stat on CNN, though the CNN people were lamenting in shock over how badly Joe did. Nice move putting it here, but not necessary and the surprising stat was real, unlike most Babylon Bee stuff. This one, I am sure, wrote itself.

The moment, I saw it, I thought, "Are you Fucking kidding me?", but that reminded me too much of the scene from the movie The Martian.

Well. .. A nice commentary on that stat., some of those same folks that voted for Biden? At least on this site, they voted for him even before the debate occurred, or voted for him without even watching the debate. So whatever.

I have no doubts, that is probably true for the CNN poll as well.

These types of partisans would have voted for Biden if he was six feet under. IIWII.

 

[deannalw]

It`s an old study but there`s no reason to think that anything has changed. FOX News viewers are more likely to struggle to locate South Carolina on a map than people who get news from a variety of sources. If they can attribute their ignorance to FOX News, they`re fools to not demand reparations.

A Rigorous Scientific Look Into The 'Fox News Effect'

What is the Fox News effect? What causes it? This question was originally answered on Quora by William Poundstone.

www.forbes.com

This... coming from a guy that likely has to wear shoes with velcro because shoestrings confound him.

 

[PredFan]

Dumber than a box of hair.

 

[deannalw]

Dumber than a crunched cookie

 

[Votto]

I think that percentage is likely higher and not satire.

The Bee is more often right that wrong.

It is fake news you can trust after all.

 

[1srelluc]

 

[Deadstick]

American Politics seems to have turned into tribalism gone mad, looking at the so called debate shows Biden should have been sent to the funny farm a long time ago, watching those two was like two old men in a day care centre arguing over the TV remote.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

90% of that group are MAGAs,