Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe,

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand

(It wasn't Jesus was it? )

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

If everyone on the earth orgasmed simultaneously could we change our planets orbital track?

Also, if I spank my monkey, will he behave better on long trips?

Sincerely,

Pop23

1. I don't know - but I'm willing to participate in an experiment.

2. I don't know - mine always behaves best when someone else spanks it. Especially on long trips.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

Can racoons twerk?

 

[AVG-JOE]

omg Pops...


Dear Joe:

My DD got me a bag of Hershey kisses, just because she loves me.

However she left the bag in a very warm car and the Kisses have taken a shape never before seen by monkey.

I see the benefits of having to pull every tiny piece of foil and Hershey tag off of every candy but it gets dam tiring.

What advice can you give me?

PS-Stop eating chocolate is NOT advice.

First thought that comes to my mind is a microwave oven and a colander.

Then I remembered you said "foil"!​

Colander (or other strainer) and a double boiler!

 

[AVG-JOE]

Or you could get off your cheap butt and go meet a friend for mocha.

 

[Pop23]

Dear Joe:

What does it really sound like when a dove cries?

Regards

Pop23

P.S.

Why is beer so darn yummy?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Which do you prefer, odd numbers or even numbers?

Sarah G

Gosh!

I never really thought about it.... rare indeed are the days that I'm asked for my preferences. Aren't you just the sweetest!



Even numbers. I prefer even numbers.

I don't know why ​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Darling Joe,

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

One....Two.....Tha-ree....

Regards from Rosie

That depends on the skills of the licker, my dear

My personal best is twelve. ​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Sarah G

There's an ap for that.

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Boxers or briefs? (Sorry, just had to ask that).

Sarah G

Like with most Monkeys, boxers, briefs or neither depends on the party I'm dressing for.

 

[Pop23]

Dear Joe:

Do you ever wish you were a real newspaper reporter and not just writing advice columns? ( not that there's anything wrong with that)

Best wishes

Pop23

 

[AVG-JOE]

Can you please tell me what has happened to baton twirling? It's as if it never existed.

When the 2012 championships came down to a sudden death twirl-off between this guy and Justin Bieber, the bottom simply fell out of the fan base and the sport never recovered.

​

Nobody blames this guy ^​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand

(It wasn't Jesus was it? )

The Landscaper?


Though Jesus IS cool.... Nobody can trim a bush like Jesus.... 'cept for maybe Juan.

Anyhoo - I think the answer to your question is Barry.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Or is it Sir Paul McCartney who's responsible for all the Silly Love Songs...

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Can racoons twerk?

Only racoons with actual jobs or guns can twerk. Congress made sure of that in 1873

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

What does it really sound like when a dove cries?

Regards

Pop23

P.S.

Why is beer so darn yummy?

It sounds weirdly like women drooling.




And beer is yummy because Monkeys are smarter than they look from space.

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

Do you ever wish you were a real newspaper reporter and not just writing advice columns? ( not that there's anything wrong with that)

Best wishes

Pop23

When I'm imaginary, I'm everything.

`​

 

[Esmeralda]

I am just wondering about belt buckles. I have a phobia about belt buckles. Don't know where it comes from. I have never had any confrontation or feud with a belt buckle in the past, but they give me the heeby jeebies.

Any advice?

(Do you think there is something Freudian going on? )

 

[AVG-JOE]

Probably Freudian... First a couple of questions... is it belt buckles constricting your waist that cause distress, or belt buckels on other people?

In either case, is it a fear that the buckles will come undone, spilling out their hidden treasures, or fear that they won't?

How do you feel about shoes for pilgrims?

 

[Esmeralda]

Probably Freudian... First a couple of questions... is it belt buckles constricting your waist that cause distress, or belt buckels on other people?

In either case, is it a fear that the buckles will come undone, spilling out their hidden treasures, or fear that they won't?

How do you feel about shoes for pilgrims?

Oh, gosh! How did you know??