Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[Pop23]

Dear Joe,

Even tho I'm clueless about the topic of monkeys that continues to appear in your column, I'm slightly repulsed.

Why is that?

How do you feel about monkeys wearing belt buckles and pilgrim shoes?

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

why are all these people monkeying around with you??


(scratches head, eats a banana, swings to next tree).


Hmmmmm....

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

how can you tell the difference between a lucky monkey and an unlucky monkey?

Among monkeys? Couldn't tell you. They're cute creatures, but I can't relate to living in their skin.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Eh6ulmeJ0]baby monkey nala gets a bath - YouTube[/ame]

Now, Monkeys are a different story. You can tell the lucky Monkeys by their attitude.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JgSHDY7AfM]Dance Monkeys Dance - YouTube[/ame]

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Even tho I'm clueless about the topic of monkeys that continues to appear in your column, I'm slightly repulsed.

Why is that?

'Cause you didn't capitalize the 'M' in 'Monkeys'.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

how can you tell the difference between a lucky monkey and an unlucky monkey?

The lucky monkey is the one with luck?

And, let's be real here. Is that what Joe would have said if this were his answer?

No. But I like the way you're thinking!​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

how can you tell the difference between a lucky monkey and an unlucky monkey?

The lucky monkey is the one with luck?

And, let's be real here. Is that what Joe would have said if this were his answer?

In Joe's absence allow me to clarify the difference between monkey and Monkey.

As Joe put it, sentience matters.

We are Monkeys who are lucky enough to have figured out how to fling our dung at each other via the internet.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Derideo_Te again.

Bummer!

 

[AVG-JOE]

The lucky monkey is the one with luck?

And, let's be real here. Is that what Joe would have said if this were his answer?

In Joe's absence allow me to clarify the difference between monkey and Monkey.

As Joe put it, sentience matters.

We are Monkeys who are lucky enough to have figured out how to fling our dung at each other via the internet.

Oh, I thought the lucky monkey is the one to get laid the most....

That, my friend, is evidence of, not cause of.

 

[Derideo_Te]

Another question for Joe about us Monkeys.

If we are not the center of the universe then where is the center?

Follow up question, how much are the seats at the center of the universe anyway?

 

[Amelia]

Every point is the center of the universe.

 

[AVG-JOE]

"Welcome!"

"Please read the http://www.usmessageboard.com/annou...48-usmb-rules-and-guidelines.html#post6790048 before posting."

​

Ok, I'll pass that along to them.

They are so cute!

Naked too!

Monkeys and their clothing... Don't get me started!!

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe:

When the questions you get turn to [M]onkeys and sex and getting laid and so forth, do you ever take a pause and think to yourself (I have no idea how you might think to another person):

AIDS?

Sleepless in Uruaguay

Nope. Never think about AIDS at all. Like I said... I'm one lucky Monkey and I know it.

What's not to like? 21st Century middle-class American life:

> Relatively safe food and water with pretty much 24/7/365 access to whatever I want.

> Shared infrastructure that allows me to cross the country within hours in a private, chemically fueled vehicle, and go around the globe in hours if I'm willing to share the ride.

> Air conditioning.


We all bitch about how difficult it is to live under the tyrannical yoke of those fucking (insert your preferred political party to flame here) but, shame The Devil and tell the truth, life in 21st Century America ain't too bad for most of us.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

I ain't gonna bump no more with that big fat woman!

Does that make me a bad person?

Thanks in advance for your sage advice

Regards

Pop23

The key is in the word 'that'.

By specifying a specific fat woman you plan to avoid, you revealed that you were not a bigoted hater of women in general, or of fat women in particular, just a regular guy who finally met a woman you don't want to have sex with.


I hear there's a small club.

`​

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe,

Hot make up sex or slow romantic sex?

Sarah G

 

[Pop23]

Dear Joe:

Thanks for all you great advice. I do have a serious question though

If righty is tighty and lefty is loosy, what is upsy and downsy.

Signed

Pop23

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

why are all these people monkeying around with you??


(scratches head, eats a banana, swings to next tree).


Hmmmmm....

I don't know... I've always been one of those Monkeys who other Monkeys want to open up to. My inner sociopath finds it a bit annoying, but the intellectual voice in my head understands the value, and the emotional voice is intrigued by the raw Monkey on Monkey mental contact.

Responsibilities of being a lucky Monkey.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Another question for Joe about us Monkeys.

If we are not the center of the universe then where is the center?

Follow up question, how much are the seats at the center of the universe anyway?

The center of the universe can't be calculated until 'universe' is defined. Monkeys get to define their own universe... it's part of the deal with Sentience.


If the tickets aren't free for all, I'm not going.

"It's a free concert!"​

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov-m3iBaMNA]John Morris - Announcements - WOODSTOCK - YouTube[/ame]

Woodstock! ​

 

[RosieS]

Dear Joe,

Hot make up sex or slow romantic sex?

Sarah G

And can you lick your eyebrows?

TIA

Regards from Rosie

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Hot make up sex or slow romantic sex?

Sarah G

Hot make up sex AND slow romantic sex.

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

Thanks for all you great advice. I do have a serious question though

If righty is tighty and lefty is loosy, what is upsy and downsy.

Signed

Pop23

Upsy and Downsy are two Dwarfs who got fired early in production. Rumor was they were caught kissing, but nothing was ever proved.

Snow White was supposed to have 9 li'l sidekicks.​

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI0x0KYChq4]Heigh Ho - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - YouTube[/ame]

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

Hot make up sex or slow romantic sex?

Sarah G

And can you lick your eyebrows?

TIA

Regards from Rosie

Some tasks require a friend.