Bill Barr tests negative for integrity!

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.​

​

Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.​

​

“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”​

​

Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.​

​

“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”​

​

Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.​

​

“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.​

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

The Attorney General submitted to the test after coming into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Rye Catcher]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.​

​

Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.​

​

“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”​

​

Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.​

​

“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”​

​

Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.​

​

“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.​

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

The Attorney General submitted to the test after coming into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.

www.newyorker.com

WINNER, BEST THREAD OF THE DECADE!

 

[Gdjjr]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

 

[DrLove]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

 

[Gdjjr]

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

Show me valid evidence to the contrary I'll consider it in my analysis. Meanwhile, History is on my side. The results speak for themselves.

 

[Harry Dresden]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

at least 95% are in that catagory.....after 5-6 years the Congressional taint sets in.....

 

[DrLove]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

at least 95% are in that catagory.....after 5-6 years the Congressional taint sets in.....

Perhaps we could agree on term limits? I've often wondered why in the hell anyone would want SO badly to stay in Congress for decades on end. For me it would be the worst job in the known universe. The only possible explanations are ego, grifting and self enrichment.

 

[Harry Dresden]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

at least 95% are in that catagory.....after 5-6 years the Congressional taint sets in.....

Perhaps we could agree on term limits? I've often wondered why in the hell anyone would want SO badly to stay in Congress for decades on end. For me it would be the worst job in the known universe. The only possible explanations are ego, grifting and self enrichment.

self enrichment down the line im sure is a big motivator....

 

[Crepitus]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.​

​

Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.​

​

“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”​

​

Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.​

​

“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”​

​

Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.​

​

“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.​

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

The Attorney General submitted to the test after coming into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.

www.newyorker.com

Oh shit! Borowitz has outdone himself with this one!

That's hilarious!

 

[jwoodie]

Repetitive moral equivalency isn't new or funny.

 

[DrLove]

Repetitive moral equivalency isn't new or funny.

I don't think you know what moral equivalency IS.
And looks to me that I lot of people enjoyed this classic Andy!

 

[Carl in Michigan]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

at least 95% are in that catagory.....after 5-6 years the Congressional taint sets in.....

Perhaps we could agree on term limits? I've often wondered why in the hell anyone would want SO badly to stay in Congress for decades on end. For me it would be the worst job in the known universe. The only possible explanations are ego, grifting and self enrichment.

The problem is you.

Why do you keep voting for them?

 

[Oddball]

Borowitz Report tests negative for being funny.

 

[DrLove]

ALL politicians and their acolyte voters test negative for intellectual honesty-

That's quite the blanket statement/ gross generalization don'tcha think?

at least 95% are in that catagory.....after 5-6 years the Congressional taint sets in.....

Perhaps we could agree on term limits? I've often wondered why in the hell anyone would want SO badly to stay in Congress for decades on end. For me it would be the worst job in the known universe. The only possible explanations are ego, grifting and self enrichment.

The problem is you.

Why do you keep voting for them?

And WHOM is it that I "vote for" exactly?
Those who despise the Dotard aren't necessarily political hacks who always vote D.

 

[HaShev]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.​

​

Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.​

​

“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”​

​

Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.​

​

“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”​

​

Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.​

​

“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.​

Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity

The Attorney General submitted to the test after coming into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.

www.newyorker.com

 

[DrLove]

View attachment 334003

WTF does Kamala Harris have to do with Borowitz satire?