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(Disclaimer: This is an adaptation of a divorce agreement that has been circulating around the internet for awhile.)
To All My Dearest Beloved Liberal, Leftist, Social Progressive, Regressive, Marxist, and Liberation Theologist Friends:
Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound, it is time to divide up our common property and split the sheets so to speak. To wit I propose the following:
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
WHEREAS, we have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids and for sake of future generations, but the whole of this latest election process has revealed that our relationship has clearly run its course, and
WHEREAS, our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all,
THEREFORE let's end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is the suggested model separation agreement:
1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass apportioned according to numerical representation. You can have California, Oregon, and Washington State. We'll take all the rest.
2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with all the wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, illegal aliens, unions, peaceniks, war protesters, and the OSW groups.
9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us or hit back when we are threatened or attacked.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
14. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Chevy Volt you can find.
15. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any doctors to deliver it. We'll continue to believe that healthcare is more affordable and more excellent in a free market system.
16. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", "God Bless America", and "The National Anthem."
17. You get "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".
18. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
19. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.
Please sign and pass it on if you will agree to this equitable distribution of property, values, and practices.
In the spirit of friendly parting, we will arrange for a community picnic in about 10 years to compare notes and see how each other are doing.
Sincerely,
Your Conservative Friends
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Alec Baldwin, and Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.
I've seen this one and its' "Dear Conservatives" counterpart in e-mails. Funny stuff.
Every time I see something like this I wonder how conservatives think they can stay free in a country of their own design where those in the ruling class are unencumbered by taxation, regulation and accountability and the freely exploited working class is on its own and works for practically nothing. No social mobility, no access to medical care, crappy bible based education and no way on earth to get a fair hearing of grievances.
Every time i read something like this I wonder how anyone can say one thing and then contradict themselves in the next sentence.
Lower taxes increases social mobility. The Free market gives people access to medical care. And the principles of the Bible made this nation what it is today.
No one has ever accused the Occupy Wallstreet crew of being real bright ~shrug~ But they crap all over stuff real well.
(Disclaimer: This is an adaptation of a divorce agreement that has been circulating around the internet for awhile.)
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I've seen this one and its' "Dear Conservatives" counterpart in e-mails. Funny stuff.
Yes, various versions have been circulating for awhile. Some of this one is my own work, but I didn't want to try to give the impression that the idea originated with me because it didn't. And some of it is taken from the last e-mail I received.
Still a good idea is a good idea no matter who thought it up.
well Frankie are they supposed to go left?.....thats why they are called Right Wingers....would you expect the Left Wingers to go right?.....Remain calm, and change the channel. What we need is to bring back the actual filibuster, and more compromise and MOVEMENT. Fairness doctrine I tell you. It's the RW that's veered right, and on the faulty facts so many run on....see sig pp3- proven hateful BS the "no compromise, un-American" (TIME) Tea Party GOP runs on...
What we need to do is jail every progressive on charges of treason and conspiracy...
Hey your dear leader FDR threw Japanese and Italians in camps so I'm sure you will understand.
every one of them Nick?....so far Nick your not helping the image of your new country...you are coming off looking just like the dictators you mentioned earlier....
It's a classic conservative trope. Freedom is all important -- except when people veer away from the party line. Then you get calls of RINO, treason, arrest, and deportation. "You can believe anything you want, as long as it's what we believe."
The Japanese were unjustly imprisoned....the Italians deserved it
why?.....im Italian and my Dad fought for 3 years in WW2....as well as all my Uncles....
As did many Italians
The Italians and Germans who were interned were done so because they were openly disloyal and stated their aligience to their home country. Only the Japanese were interred just for being Japanese.
I've seen this one and its' "Dear Conservatives" counterpart in e-mails. Funny stuff.
Yes, various versions have been circulating for awhile. Some of this one is my own work, but I didn't want to try to give the impression that the idea originated with me because it didn't. And some of it is taken from the last e-mail I received.
Still a good idea is a good idea no matter who thought it up.
A turd is still a turd no matter how much you polish it.
I've seen this one and its' "Dear Conservatives" counterpart in e-mails. Funny stuff.
Yes, various versions have been circulating for awhile. Some of this one is my own work, but I didn't want to try to give the impression that the idea originated with me because it didn't. And some of it is taken from the last e-mail I received.
Still a good idea is a good idea no matter who thought it up.
A turd is still a turd no matter how much you polish it.
Really Betty? You go all serious with a Harry Truman pic as a counter? It's HUMOR fer peanut's sake! And it's not bad! I mean cmon, there's some valid parody there!
Anyways, if you're going to post a pic in response to a HUMOROUS post, make it something more like this...
really betty? You go all serious with a harry truman pic as a counter? It's humor fer peanut's sake! And it's not bad! I mean cmon, there's some valid parody there!
Anyways, if you're going to post a pic in response to a humorous post, make it something more like this...
you put up what you want, and i shall do the same.
like this.
really betty? You go all serious with a harry truman pic as a counter? It's humor fer peanut's sake! And it's not bad! I mean cmon, there's some valid parody there!
Anyways, if you're going to post a pic in response to a humorous post, make it something more like this...
you put up what you want, and i shall do the same.
like this.
lol!!!!
Your energy monarchs will not be using it, especially not the bill of rights. Besides why would the new confederates not draft their own where Christian conservative ideological purity will be a requirement for office or that makes creationism the official policy or English the official language? In other words the friction here is the liberal interpretation of various portions of the constitution. Rewrite it to truly make conservative America the inflexible static society they seem to crave, leave the liberal constitution behind, it's conservatives who want to change it the most these days, now's your chance to set the founders true intention of corporate/religious domination in stone.
There are no 'Confederates' asshole.
Read the tenants of the OP.
The OP is stupid, I'm exploring this need to purge the "real" America of impure thoughts and people. Liberals do not have this separatist impulse and do not sit around fantasizing about a ideologically pure society, it's creepy in a way.
Conservative Land would have a Second Amendment........that's all they need
Liberal Land would wish the Second Amendment existed if it didn't...
If you have a strong first amendment, you don't need a second
No, actually; my statement stands.
filing divorce counter-suit in libz v. Conz
we have reviewed your proposal entitled "dear liberals: I want a divorce!" and on advice of our legal counsel we must say "screw you and your horse" and instead present the following proposals:
1. Your stated ownership of our nation's founding documents and national symbols is at odds with your past behavior and stated wish to live separately so conz will at once refrain from claims of ownership and instead disavow any relationship with the founding principals of our union.
2. Take your precious money and go elsewhere.
The libz, hereafter called the "united states of america" or the "usa", does not need your financial support enough to warrant putting up with your incessant whining and political sabotage in future.
If the conz, hereafter called "the whiners", feel that they are unwilling or incapable of fulfilling their social responsibility then they are invited to vacate the premises, otherwise the whiners are to invited to stay, live up to their social obligations and contribute to the national household in a constructive, meaningful way whereafter the invitation to gtfo will be withdrawn permanently.
The usa considers the whiners to be our brothers and sisters, friends and co-workers and has no desire to see the whiners go but feel that a continued, intractable separation requires your permanent absence from the american household if you cannot bear proximity to the usa as a whole or contribute to the well being of the household.
http://www.usmessageboard.com/politics/226270-filing-divorce-counter-suit-in-libz-v-conz.html
Every time i read something like this I wonder how anyone can say one thing and then contradict themselves in the next sentence.
Lower taxes increases social mobility. The Free market gives people access to medical care. And the principles of the Bible made this nation what it is today.
No one has ever accused the Occupy Wallstreet crew of being real bright ~shrug~ But they crap all over stuff real well.
You blurt out some trickle down drivel and then say I'm not bright? The irony is delicious. There is no real social mobility until some liberal builds a ladder to scale the wall Conservatives put up.
