Forgiveness

[boedicca]

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The forgiveness is for your attitude and to foster mental and emotional health for you. It doesn't matter whether or not the other person accepts or wants it. It's something for you to progress towards inner peace...letting go of the past.

 

[BDBoop]

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The forgiveness is for your attitude and to foster mental and emotional health for you. It doesn't matter whether or not the other person accepts or wants it. It's something for you to progress towards inner peace...letting go of the past.

Ahhh, but those last five words! Sometimes I think the past will never stay there.

But you're right. All of it is a journey, progress sometimes feels more like hope than reality. Elusive.

 

[BDBoop]

so many mean people in your real life boop....

Past-tense, thankfully. And really not so many; just a handful of repeat offenders. Three of whom are estranged, and one deceased. No, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around a situation.

 

[syrenn]

so many mean people in your real life boop....

Past-tense, thankfully. And really not so many; just a handful of repeat offenders. Three of who are estranged, and one deceased. No, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around a situation.

its still all about them being mean to you in your real life.... past tense or not.

The effects of the past tense meanness is what you are dealing with now.

 

[boedicca]

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The forgiveness is for your attitude and to foster mental and emotional health for you. It doesn't matter whether or not the other person accepts or wants it. It's something for you to progress towards inner peace...letting go of the past.

Ahhh, but those last five words! Sometimes I think the past will never stay there.

But you're right. All of it is a journey, progress sometimes feels more like hope than reality. Elusive.

You mentioned using meditation. I love using a finger labyrinth - and the metaphor of going into the center and then coming out again is very powerful.

 

[BDBoop]

Actually, I'm having trouble with the verbiage. It sounds like little kids, and/or powerless. "They were being mean to me!!" </tears>

There has been much cruelty in my past, yes. I have several dear friends who formed a much-needed support system, which helped me survive said cruelty.

 

[BDBoop]

The forgiveness is for your attitude and to foster mental and emotional health for you. It doesn't matter whether or not the other person accepts or wants it. It's something for you to progress towards inner peace...letting go of the past.

Ahhh, but those last five words! Sometimes I think the past will never stay there.

But you're right. All of it is a journey, progress sometimes feels more like hope than reality. Elusive.

You mentioned using meditation. I love using a finger labyrinth - and the metaphor of going into the center and then coming out again is very powerful.

Must Google 'finger labyrinth?'

 

[syrenn]

Actually, I'm having trouble with the verbiage. It sounds like little kids, and/or powerless. "They were being mean to me!!" </tears>

There has been much cruelty in my past, yes. I have several dear friends who formed a much-needed support system, which helped me survive said cruelty.

cruelty....mean. Same thing in my opinion.

 

[pacer]

lol... as i said.

two separate issues... religion and mental health.

I never said religion. I said spirituality. And yes, there is conclusive evidence spiritual health and mental health are intimately connected. That is not subject to debate.

Absolutely. Every problem over the age of 40 is spiritual and that includes every mental health issue under the sun. Pyschology has never "cured" anyone. That is alot of nonsense. Much of the country is medicated on anti depressants and it hasn't done a thing but create bigger problems. There is only one answer. G-d is the answer. The answer to every problem and when someone's life is not working the answer should be sought at a spiritual level. If you do not get to the root of the problem it will only come back - again and again...

You cannot pray a chemical imbalance away.

 

[Skull Pilot]

Forgiveness is for suckers.

People who betray you should be cut out of your life like the cancer they are.

 

[BDBoop]

To those who are going all Bible on me - my mother was one of the most devout women you'd ever want to meet. I am going to share a bit, and then you can tell me again what I need to do.

A little background. Church Sunday morning and night, and Wednesday night. Devotions. Led the prayer chain. If there was revival, she was there. She studied God's Word like her life literally depended on it.

One morning, my dad looked around, and decided the place wasn't spotless enough. He found dust on top of the dining room door. She failed. Again. When he was done berating her, he left for work.

Her mouth dropped open, and she screamed. And screamed. She wouldn't stop. My sister called the pastor to come over. She stopped when she saw him. He discussed the situation with her, and decided she hadn't been praying enough. It would probably help if she fasted. And he left.

You may agree with him? I don't. God gave me a brain for a reason. And I'm not trying to be sacrilegious, but God is not always the answer, no matter what the question.

 

[BDBoop]

My take on things.

 

[BDBoop]

Sorry about the language - but this does help.

 

[Gracie]

There was one I found that was PERFECT for you in my collection. Wish I could find it again.
If I do..I will post it here.

 

[Gracie]

I'm gonna go look for it!

 

[Gracie]

I knew it was at the bottom section of my collection. But I found it faster than I thought I would.

This will save your own sanity. Muse on it awhile.

 

[BDBoop]

There was one I found that was PERFECT for you in my collection. Wish I could find it again.
If I do..I will post it here.

Thanks. I finally put up a board to deal with betrayal. The past hour or so has been seriously cathartic. This was the last one I found.

 

[Gracie]

I know. I am having a hard time with the inlaws and forgiving them. Hubby and I have bent over backwards so many times for them. So many times. And twice now, that nutbar has attacked me. There will be no 3rd time. And my sil? I love her, but she lies. Flat out lies about it. I guess she is protecting him, but enough is enough. He's gonna hurt her bad some day. He will get away with it too, because he is suffering demensia. And she will be dead. So who really loses out?

It's really a shame too. They both know what went down. And they both are in denial. The ONLY thing saving me from disbelief is hubby saw it up close and personal this time. Last time, all he could see was a black breast and he knew I damn sure didn't do that myself. Still..he didn't see it happen. THIS time he did.

 

[BDBoop]

I know. I am having a hard time with the inlaws and forgiving them. Hubby and I have bent over backwards so many times for them. So many times. And twice now, that nutbar has attacked me. There will be no 3rd time. And my sil? I love her, but she lies. Flat out lies about it. I guess she is protecting him, but enough is enough. He's gonna hurt her bad some day. He will get away with it too, because he is suffering demensia. And she will be dead. So who really loses out?

It's really a shame too. They both know what went down. And they both are in denial. The ONLY thing saving me from disbelief is hubby saw it up close and personal this time. Last time, all he could see was a black breast and he knew I damn sure didn't do that myself. Still..he didn't see it happen. THIS time he did.

I don't think this is the time to let go. You aren't safe yet.

 

[emilynghiem]

Hi BDBoop I am going through something similar with a friend with unfounded accusations.
In my case, his health is too poor to argue with him, so I just have to forgive and let go; and trust if it needs to be corrected the opportunity will come without stressing him out.

With you, it seems the forgiveness "of the whole situation" needs to happen to let go.
And also, there needs to be some steps taken to correct the misperception.

1. can you say you are sorry in general that the conflict happened, that things went wrong to cause the bad feelings, harm or damages to them and to your relationship, and clear some of the emotions out of the way first? First step is to restore trust and working relations, or they will not hear or trust what you say anyway.

That part is for them to forgive, if they can't it is some other issue causing it, not you.
So praying for them to to be freed of fear and unforgiveness "in general" might help.

Sometimes I say it as "I am sorry for anything I did or said wrong to hurt you"
We may not agree on all the things that happened, but I'm sorry for whatever happened to hurt you and our relationship that I value and want to restore. And whatever I did to contribute, I apologize; I never would have done that to hurt you, and do want to correct this problem because I don't want you to suffer and do want our relationship to go back to normal or be even better after we work it out.

2. for the correction part, can you put some things in writing, can you ask help from other family and friends who have good relations with this person where they trust their judgment. can you ask a pastor or counselor for advice, or agree to go see one together?

I imagined writing out a sworn notarized affidavit from me and the other people that we did not do the things I was accused of or letting them do, and even thought about calling a meeting in front of his church to face the accusations against us and state publicly we did not if that is what it took. But I don't think it needs to go that far. With you, if there is a good friend or respected family member who values this person and the relationship where it is "not about you" but about helping them, can you ask someone's advice to work it out?

Keep praying and asking all friends and family to join in prayer.
To prevent from adding to the mistrust, you might first ask this person if you can ask the family to join in praying that this gets resolved because your concern is for them not to carry this burden, and for your relationship, so it is important to establish the truth and agree it is resolved, regardless if you were at fault for whichever part or whatever happened, you want it resolved whatever it takes.

I am currently working my way through some familial issues on a therapeutic front. I know "to err is human, to forgive divine" *even though I don't actually know where the saying is from*. And I grasp the concept of seventy-times-seven. What I'm having trouble with is part of that last bit. And I don't care if you are Christian, pagan, wiccan, atheist, I would just appreciate some feedback.

How do you forgive someone who doesn't want to be forgiven because they don't believe they did anything wrong. Essentially, I'm having trouble just letting go of them believing an untruth about me, no matter how many times we discuss the situation. Not only that, but they think I need to ask their forgiveness for something I didn't do.

The issue in question is several decades old but nobody has picked at the scar for some time now.

I've been praying, meditating - and pretty much posting here to avoid dealing with the fact that I can't seem to come to grips with this issue.