I am shaking. Just...shaking.

[Gracie]

Thanks guys for the support and just listening to me. Frankly, it scared me. He is 6'2 and has strong hands. I know, because I felt his face punch and the boob twist a few years ago. My whole breast was black and blue. Tonight, he denied he ever did it. If anything shows his brain demise, it was that statement that he never hit a woman. He hit me, and he chokes his wife.

Anyway..problem will be solved soon. And I really just don't wanna talk about it any more because no matter how much I try to get the image of his angry crazy face out of my head by starting nice threads and having them deleted by a vicious bitch, nothing is working.

And seeing this thread just brings it all back, but I dare not ask it to be closed or removed because then I will be accused of being a wuss or a jerk and at the same time if it stays, it will be a nice weapon by the one getting my Feel Good threads shut down.

So...pardon me if I don't return to this thread. It will stay, because I don't need more grief. From any source. But I DO thank all of you that have given me support in this thread. It is much appreciated.

 

[mudwhistle]

Thanks guys for the support and just listening to me. Frankly, it scared me. He is 6'2 and has strong hands. I know, because I felt his face punch and the boob twist a few years ago. My whole breast was black and blue. Tonight, he denied he ever did it. If anything shows his brain demise, it was that statement that he never hit a woman. He hit me, and he chokes his wife.

Anyway..problem will be solved soon. And I really just don't wanna talk about it any more because no matter how much I try to get the image of his angry crazy face out of my head by starting nice threads and having them deleted by a vicious bitch, nothing is working.

And seeing this thread just brings it all back, but I dare not ask it to be closed or removed because then I will be accused of being a wuss or a jerk and at the same time if it stays, it will be a nice weapon by the one getting my Feel Good threads shut down.

So...pardon me if I don't return to this thread. It will stay, because I don't need more grief. From any source. But I DO thank all of you that have given me support in this thread. It is much appreciated.

Strokes effect everyone differently. My Mom lost the use of her hand and it caused her to throw temper tantrums sometimes. It sure screwed up the rest of my childhood. Lots of bad memories......

 

[Esmeralda]

I have a gun. Problem is...so does he. I asked SIL where it was and she said hidden, and the bullets in a different location.

He will not try to harm me again. Her? He might harm her, but that's her problem, no longer mine. She has been warned quite a few times and chooses to ignore it. So now they are contacting every relative to find out where they can go. I hope they find some place fast but I won't hold my breath. None of them let them come live with them when they needed a place. Only me and hubby. So now they are more or less screwed. She is 59, going on 12 mentally. He is 72, going on 8. He is weak, so he did not get to me. Which is a good thing. He falls often too. So...no threat there. Unless she didn't hide the gun well enough.
They left just now. Went to a relatives house. Let them deal with it. I'm done.

Good lord, he has a gun. I would contact the police. Someone with his mental issues should not have a gun. Also, follow through on getting them out of there ASAP.

 

[strollingbones]

ahhh dementia...what a fun game.....gracie my mother attacked me several times.....inside the assisted living....nothing like being punched and kicked by your own mom.....

people say ....o she doesnt mean it...and i am sure she doesnt....one thing to remember...is you walk away feeling like shit...i dont care how you deal with it...you always carry the guilt...guess what...they dont feel or remember a damn thing....so drop the guilt...i knew better than to bring mom into my home...it would destroy my marriage and family....i refuse to be that person who gives up everything for an aging mother...simple as that....

protect yourself and give them some time....step back from it and maybe at a later date you can help them with relocation to a needed home or facility....

 

[DigitalDrifter]

Hope all went well overnight Gracie.

That is troubling that he has a gun. Does he have easy access to it, and ammo ?

If so, I really do think you should consider talking with your local authorities. If not, can your husband sneak it away ?

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Brother in law just attacked me again. But thank goodness he didn't get hold of me. Hubby was standing there and so was sisterinlaw. He tried very hard to get past them and the look on his face was.....crazy. And he is.
Since his last stroke...he has been losing more brain cells. He is usually quiet, but he blew up because his tv wasn't working. And if his tv isn't working, all hell breaks loose. This time, the sisterinlaw was yelling, he was yelling, neither one would listen to me or hubby trying to explain we have activate their new cable boxes before it will work and he turned to me and began yelling he was going to KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUU!

After hubby got him out of the room, I said "that's it. I refuse to live with a violent person. get out".
Hubby agreed. His brother is just too dangerous now. Time to go.

But my hands are still shaking.

You are incredibly generous, Gracie, but it is definitely time for them to go. You've done more than most people would have done. Once this matter is handled I believe you'll feel like a 2,000 lb weight is off your shoulders. You've probably been living under a level of stress you haven't realized. I'm glad you're alright and I think you are going to feel alot more alright when he's out of the house for good. I would contact the authorities and make a report. Someone else is going to be confronted with this type of behavior down the road and they may not be as gracious as you were about it. - Jeri

 

[Wry Catcher]

I don't want him committed. I want him away from me.
They are making arrangements now to move back to Arizona. The other roomie asked if she had to leave too and I said of course not. I will just rent their room out to someone else. Problem solved.

He attacked me once before. Left breast, and fisted me in the face. My breast...which is now gone due to cancer and I think the damage he did was part of that cancer....was black and blue. My face puffed up but I was ok. At least he didn't knock teeth out. This was prior to his last stroke.

But this time....his language was just fine. no stumblings, no struggling to get the words out. he flat out said "I am going to kill you. I will twist your other tit off and hope you die of cancer if I don't get kill you first".

He is back to childlike again right now. He told sisterinlaw he wouldn't have hurt me..he was just mad. She said "yes you would have hurt her. you hurt ME too. don't you remember choking me to get to her?" and he said "no".

He is her problem. Not mine. Hubby is happy I finally told them what he wanted to tell them...which is to go away. We tried to help them..and they were supposed to help us too. Since they have been here....it has been nothing but confusion, nothing done that she was supposed to do to help ME around the house, and in general...not very pleasant. Livable, but not pleasant. Adding violence on to it was the proverbial straw. No going back now. Out they go.

I also told her to tell him he is to stay 25 feet away from me at all times. And he no longer has access to my yard. He can go in the front yard, but the back yard is mine and I don't want anywhere near him.

Call you local prosecutors office and ask to speak to the deputy in charge of domestic abuse. Ask them how to obtain a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order), many jurisdictions have volunteers who will guide you through the process. Once obtained, give a copy to the local police agency and if the subject comes within (usually) 300 yards of you or your residence/place of business he will be arrested for a violation of a court order.

Then he will get the help he needs and you will too. Good luck.

 

[Iceweasel]

He shouldn't have been living with you if he beat you up. He should have been arrested for domestic violence and would have lost legal rights to a gun. It sounds like you are very forgiving, maybe too much so, but it's enabled him to do worse later on. Sounds like he needs to me on some meds at a minimum. Here it takes 90 days plus to evict someone by force so hopefully you can get him out. And change the locks right after.

 

[Wry Catcher]

He shouldn't have been living with you if he beat you up. He should have been arrested for domestic violence and would have lost legal rights to a gun. It sounds like you are very forgiving, maybe too much so, but it's enabled him to do worse later on. Sounds like he needs to me on some meds at a minimum. Here it takes 90 days plus to evict someone by force so hopefully you can get him out. And change the locks right after.

A TRO has the immediate effect of his removal from the premises.

 

[Esmeralda]

What is TRO?

 

[BDBoop]

What is TRO?

Temporary restraining order.

 

[Wry Catcher]

What is TRO?

A temporary restraining order, made by a judge restricting the restrained from having any contact with the protected person and ordering him/her to stay away, generally by 300 yards, from specific places. They are usually made for a limited time, 90 to 180 days but can be extended if the issue remains unresolved. If violated they are subject to arrest and can be found in contempt of court.

 

[Iceweasel]

What is TRO?

A temporary restraining order, made by a judge restricting the restrained from having any contact with the protected person and ordering him/her to stay away, generally by 300 yards, from specific places. They are usually made for a limited time, 90 to 180 days but can be extended if the issue remains unresolved. If violated they are subject to arrest and can be found in contempt of court.

Then that's what I would do if I was her.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

What is TRO?

A temporary restraining order, made by a judge restricting the restrained from having any contact with the protected person and ordering him/her to stay away, generally by 300 yards, from specific places. They are usually made for a limited time, 90 to 180 days but can be extended if the issue remains unresolved. If violated they are subject to arrest and can be found in contempt of court.

Then that's what I would do if I was her.

I agree. It might be uncomfortable to address the gun issue but I'd have Law Enforcement take his weapon for his own safety and the safety of others. A restraining order isn't going to stop a mentally unstable person with a gun. That concerns me.

 

[Iceweasel]

I agree. It might be uncomfortable to address the gun issue but I'd have Law Enforcement take his weapon for his own safety and the safety of others. A restraining order isn't going to stop a mentally unstable person with a gun. That concerns me.

I don't think they can, that's why a DV conviction would have come in handy.

 

[dr.d]

Meanwhile, both SIL and BIL told some whoppers to their relatives. They said I just told them to move. So now their relatives think hubby and I are just being mean. Eye roll.

Geez...the "blame the victim game"...and I thought hubby and I had the worst relatives in that dept.
- by the bye: it's a wise move to hang on to ur BIL's gun until he moves out...
Too bad it can't be confiscated indefinitely


Sent from my iPhone using USMessageBoard.com

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Best solution is probably to shoot the fucker!

And go to jail for the rest of your life.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Gracie, I am with the sheriff's auxiliary volunteers in a retirement community, so I deal with these guys from time to time.

You need to start right now, in documenting further threats of any kind. That means that the next time he does it, call 911. You may have to proceed to a restraining order before it is over. it probably would not protect you, but it would start a paper trail that could lead to some sort of physical restraint. You need to have a zero tolerance policy on threats. If necessary, after you get him out of the house, arm yourself and take a course in using it. Nothing works better than the sound of a cocking shotgun to get someone's attention. if he becomes a stalker, then, of course, you would need other protection that you could have at all times. I personally knew a lady who had a similar problem with a stalker. It did not end until he was on the business end of a Colt 1911 .45 in her living room, and that is where he died.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this, but you must not give him gratis for what is causing his behavior. In the end, it makes no difference.

This is really very important. Photos, videos, notes - don't let up.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Brother in law just attacked me again. But thank goodness he didn't get hold of me. Hubby was standing there and so was sisterinlaw. He tried very hard to get past them and the look on his face was.....crazy. And he is.
Since his last stroke...he has been losing more brain cells. He is usually quiet, but he blew up because his tv wasn't working. And if his tv isn't working, all hell breaks loose. This time, the sisterinlaw was yelling, he was yelling, neither one would listen to me or hubby trying to explain we have activate their new cable boxes before it will work and he turned to me and began yelling he was going to KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUU!

After hubby got him out of the room, I said "that's it. I refuse to live with a violent person. get out".
Hubby agreed. His brother is just too dangerous now. Time to go.

But my hands are still shaking.

Get a gun and learn to use it. IF you haven't already

-Geaux

And go to jail for the rest of your life and/or live with having killed someone.

Why do people fight for the "right" of the violent and mentally ill to keep guns?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Unfortunately...a violent person on involuntary hospitalization is released as soon as some shrink deems him not to be an "imminent" danger...that can be just a couple of days and typically involves no follow up.
Scary that Gracie's assailment, who is evidently dangerously mentally ill..has unfettered use and ownership of a gun.


Sent from my iPhone using USMessageBoard.com

Just makes me shake my head that some believe he should have the right to keep a gun.

Sadly, if a situation like this ends in a gun battle, everyone loses.

Good luck Gracie. I hope you're actually able to be free of the horrible stress of this threat.