I am shaking. Just...shaking.

[syrenn]

ahhh dementia...what a fun game.....gracie my mother attacked me several times.....inside the assisted living....nothing like being punched and kicked by your own mom.....

people say ....o she doesnt mean it...and i am sure she doesnt....one thing to remember...is you walk away feeling like shit...i dont care how you deal with it...you always carry the guilt...guess what...they dont feel or remember a damn thing....so drop the guilt...i knew better than to bring mom into my home...it would destroy my marriage and family....i refuse to be that person who gives up everything for an aging mother...simple as that....

protect yourself and give them some time....step back from it and maybe at a later date you can help them with relocation to a needed home or facility....

Then again, there are two sides to very story.

Gracie has been very up front about the person she is... she talks about it all over the forum. Hell even she hates and cant stand herself becasue she knows just who she is....mean, nasty, vicious, evil, and so on.

It could be the BIL just could not take gracies abuse anymore. Ever think of that?

 

[emilynghiem]

I can't. They live here. Today was the 30 day notice I gave them. They have 30 days.
And...brother in law is happy cuz he said he wants to go back to arizona and has been wanting to for some time now...according to SIL. So..pretty sure that is where they will go. And, BIL loves his brother. He will not stalk us or do anything else. He is childlike again, as I said. I will just avoid him and it will be ok.

I just needed to talk about it cuz I was freaked out.

Until they are gone, I hope this means you are avoiding any contact and always have TWO more people around at all times -- NO exceptions.

Where I am, if someone is a guest/visitor of the homeowner or leaseholder, and not a tenant, you can call the police to have them removed IMMEDIATELY as trespassing.

I agree with the others to document the PAST and recent abuses. And write letters demanding he get medical help for his violent outbursts, personality change and conditions, including reports and notarized statements, which you would be prepared to present in court for him and/or his enablers to be held legally responsible for further consequences.

Other people I know have filed "complaints" with police instead of formal charges, and that was enough to compel offenders to get help and take the issues seriously.

Sorry you are so traumatized Gracie; I'm sure this is to protect you and keep you away from him. You may benefit from counseling to recover so you don't carry excess fear from this; and any other vulnerability you have as a gentle soul can be addressed so you can defend yourself in the future from abusive people taking advantage of your passive nature.

Take care and I pray that you receive greater strength, help, and blessings in the future.

 

[Shaitra]

So sorry to hear about this Gracie. I'm glad you are OK and they are moving.

 

[wavingrl]

That's a tough situation.

If SIL has agreed they will move--I guess I would ? draft some sort of a written agreement with a specific date and have it notarized or try to determine what the correct legal process is.

I am glad you're 'mostly' ok---it is frightening to have to deal with that and never be certain what will provoke such an outburst.

I would not contact LE---more trouble for you quite possibly than it would be worth. Difficult to say if he 'could help it'---there have been some programs on the different brain lobes--it sounds like? frontal lobe--the one that governs impulse may be damaged. I have no expertise in this. LE could lock him up---then someone would need to bail him out and he would have a court date scheduled and more money to be spent on attorneys ---by ? SIL or possibly your DH? If they are planning to move---that sounds like the best alternative to me. My brother---drug abuse and cancer--would have violent outbursts---so pitifully out of it--when PD arrived --the last time---he had been running around the yard with a knife---discarded before they arrived. He sat on the steps and couldn't speak coherently. They had been before---knew there wasn't much that could be done. When we finally learned it was lung cancer that spread throughout his body and to his brain that explained a lot.

Very sad and very draining to deal with such a situation.

 

[Wry Catcher]

Gracie, I am with the sheriff's auxiliary volunteers in a retirement community, so I deal with these guys from time to time.

You need to start right now, in documenting further threats of any kind. That means that the next time he does it, call 911. You may have to proceed to a restraining order before it is over. it probably would not protect you, but it would start a paper trail that could lead to some sort of physical restraint. You need to have a zero tolerance policy on threats. If necessary, after you get him out of the house, arm yourself and take a course in using it. Nothing works better than the sound of a cocking shotgun to get someone's attention. if he becomes a stalker, then, of course, you would need other protection that you could have at all times. I personally knew a lady who had a similar problem with a stalker. It did not end until he was on the business end of a Colt 1911 .45 in her living room, and that is where he died.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this, but you must not give him gratis for what is causing his behavior. In the end, it makes no difference.

This is really very important. Photos, videos, notes - don't let up.

I disagree, a gun in the hands of a victim of domestic violence is a very dumb idea. I ran a LE DV unit, weapons for protection in the hands of a DV Victim rarely protect her and have too often ended up in the hands of the offender and used on the victim.

My advice stands, get the TRO today and expect the perp. to test it once it's been served. So, have support at all times, don't ever attempt to reason with the perp and when the order is violated call 911, have the court order in hand and give the date signed, the name of the judge and the docket number; describe how the perp violated the order and that you are afraid for your life. If you know he has a gun, or access to one, let dispatch know. Describe him as best as you can as well as any vehicle he may have at his disposal and ask to stay on the line.

 

[Foxfyre]

He needs to do more than just leave. He needs treatment. Call the police and explain the situation. At the very least he will be taken in on a medical hold and evaluated.

The life you save may not necessarily be your own.

I concur completely with this Gracie. You must report it to the police. Without evidence of violence they probably won't do anything initially, but with such a report on file it could prompt them to take appropriate action the next time it happens. And there WILL almost certainly be a next time.

But don't let this person back into your home.

 

[Mertex]

Brother in law just attacked me again. But thank goodness he didn't get hold of me. Hubby was standing there and so was sisterinlaw. He tried very hard to get past them and the look on his face was.....crazy. And he is.
Since his last stroke...he has been losing more brain cells. He is usually quiet, but he blew up because his tv wasn't working. And if his tv isn't working, all hell breaks loose. This time, the sisterinlaw was yelling, he was yelling, neither one would listen to me or hubby trying to explain we have activate their new cable boxes before it will work and he turned to me and began yelling he was going to KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUU!

After hubby got him out of the room, I said "that's it. I refuse to live with a violent person. get out".
Hubby agreed. His brother is just too dangerous now. Time to go.

But my hands are still shaking.

Get a gun and learn to use it. IF you haven't already

-Geaux

And go to jail for the rest of your life and/or live with having killed someone.

Why do people fight for the "right" of the violent and mentally ill to keep guns?

I know....it's like "kill the mentally ill before they kill you" is the only solution.

 

[Mertex]

He needs to do more than just leave. He needs treatment. Call the police and explain the situation. At the very least he will be taken in on a medical hold and evaluated.

The life you save may not necessarily be your own.

I concur completely with this Gracie. You must report it to the police. Without evidence of violence they probably won't do anything initially, but with such a report on file it could prompt them to take appropriate action the next time it happens. And there WILL almost certainly be a next time.

But don't let this person back into your home.

They rent a room from her, it's not like she can actually keep him out without filing some kind of charges.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

He needs to do more than just leave. He needs treatment. Call the police and explain the situation. At the very least he will be taken in on a medical hold and evaluated.

The life you save may not necessarily be your own.

Calling the cops doesnt turn out to well a lot of times. Unless of course she wants to get rid of her brother in law permanently.

 

[Foxfyre]

He needs to do more than just leave. He needs treatment. Call the police and explain the situation. At the very least he will be taken in on a medical hold and evaluated.

The life you save may not necessarily be your own.

I concur completely with this Gracie. You must report it to the police. Without evidence of violence they probably won't do anything initially, but with such a report on file it could prompt them to take appropriate action the next time it happens. And there WILL almost certainly be a next time.

But don't let this person back into your home.

They rent a room from her, it's not like she can actually keep him out without filing some kind of charges.

But they're moving yes?

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

ahhh dementia...what a fun game.....gracie my mother attacked me several times.....inside the assisted living....nothing like being punched and kicked by your own mom.....

people say ....o she doesnt mean it...and i am sure she doesnt....one thing to remember...is you walk away feeling like shit...i dont care how you deal with it...you always carry the guilt...guess what...they dont feel or remember a damn thing....so drop the guilt...i knew better than to bring mom into my home...it would destroy my marriage and family....i refuse to be that person who gives up everything for an aging mother...simple as that....

protect yourself and give them some time....step back from it and maybe at a later date you can help them with relocation to a needed home or facility....

Then again, there are two sides to very story.

Gracie has been very up front about the person she is... she talks about it all over the forum. Hell even she hates and cant stand herself becasue she knows just who she is....mean, nasty, vicious, evil, and so on.

It could be the BIL just could not take gracies abuse anymore. Ever think of that?

You have enough "hate issues" to keep you busy for the next millenium, Syrenn. Keep it to yourself and stop trying to poison everyone else here with it. Gracie apologises, Gracie forgives, Gracie is honest about her feelings. Gracie is light years ahead of you. In my opinion. Grow up.

- Jeremiah

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

He needs to do more than just leave. He needs treatment. Call the police and explain the situation. At the very least he will be taken in on a medical hold and evaluated.

The life you save may not necessarily be your own.

I concur completely with this Gracie. You must report it to the police. Without evidence of violence they probably won't do anything initially, but with such a report on file it could prompt them to take appropriate action the next time it happens. And there WILL almost certainly be a next time.

But don't let this person back into your home.

They rent a room from her, it's not like she can actually keep him out without filing some kind of charges.

I believe they agreed to move so she won't be stuck in that situation. ( thank God )

 

[Katzndogz]

Two of the things a medical hold does is One, remove the violent person temporarily. Two, it gives the people in the home some time to make necessary arrangements. This man's wife intends to move him to Arizona. She needs time to make those arrangements without being distracted by pending unpredictable and explosive incidents. With any effort at all, by the time the man is released, he won't even come back to this home, but be directly on his way out of state.

 

[Wake]

Brother in law just attacked me again. But thank goodness he didn't get hold of me. Hubby was standing there and so was sisterinlaw. He tried very hard to get past them and the look on his face was.....crazy. And he is.
Since his last stroke...he has been losing more brain cells. He is usually quiet, but he blew up because his tv wasn't working. And if his tv isn't working, all hell breaks loose. This time, the sisterinlaw was yelling, he was yelling, neither one would listen to me or hubby trying to explain we have activate their new cable boxes before it will work and he turned to me and began yelling he was going to KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUU!

After hubby got him out of the room, I said "that's it. I refuse to live with a violent person. get out".
Hubby agreed. His brother is just too dangerous now. Time to go.

But my hands are still shaking.

You're doing the right thing. You and your husband's life comes first, and you shouldn't have to deal with someone threatening to kill you over a TV. Sadly, your brother-in-law doesn't seem to understand what he's doing.

I don't know much about the situation, but do you think an assisted living place or group home could work?

 

[Wake]

ahhh dementia...what a fun game.....gracie my mother attacked me several times.....inside the assisted living....nothing like being punched and kicked by your own mom.....

people say ....o she doesnt mean it...and i am sure she doesnt....one thing to remember...is you walk away feeling like shit...i dont care how you deal with it...you always carry the guilt...guess what...they dont feel or remember a damn thing....so drop the guilt...i knew better than to bring mom into my home...it would destroy my marriage and family....i refuse to be that person who gives up everything for an aging mother...simple as that....

protect yourself and give them some time....step back from it and maybe at a later date you can help them with relocation to a needed home or facility....

Then again, there are two sides to very story.

Gracie has been very up front about the person she is... she talks about it all over the forum. Hell even she hates and cant stand herself becasue she knows just who she is....mean, nasty, vicious, evil, and so on.

It could be the BIL just could not take gracies abuse anymore. Ever think of that?

That's... not called for.

Experience in the healthcare field taught me just how violent people with dementia/Alzheimer's can be. One of my caregivers was violently grabbed by her shoulder and thrown out of our clients home because he didn't like her red hair. However, he's fine with me there, and he doesn't remember a thing. What I'm saying is that people with memory problems like dementia can be volatile, because various parts of their brains are degenerating. The behaviors Gracie mentioned of her BIL seem typical of one suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. I've seen it. I've smelt it. I've bled from it (punched, stabbed by utensils, kicked).

Please don't try to use Gracie's emotional experience against her in order to try and make her look bad. That's classless, and if you want to stoop to that level you can do so in the appropriate place. Just got me angry that you'd do something so obvious in this thread, when clearly you can see Gracie was emotionally traumatized. That's just... "Gee, really?" That's what I honestly feel reading that bit when going through this thread.

 

[Jughead]

I am very saddened to hear about this event, Gracie. Thank the Lord that you were not seriously harmed. I would have called the law if I were in your shoes, but I understand that he is family, and that you may not want to get him into hot water. Also the fact that he's leaving will mean that he'll be out of your life, hopefully for good. While he's still there, do not under any circumstance remain alone with him. He has physically hurt you before, and tried to again, so I wouldn't trust him. Also, carry your gun on your person at all times while he's there. Lock the door of your room whenever you are asleep, and keep your gun close by (like inside the top drawer of the night stand).

My prayers are with you, Gracie!