USMB Coffee Shop IV

[beautress]

Go to Sunday Services jokes... thanks, Reader's Digest.

​

This priest decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf​

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.​

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.​

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"​

​

A farmer moved into town​

After getting settled in the new town, a farmer went to church for the first time. He found that the people in the church gossiped and shunned him for his poor appearance. After the service, the preacher went to the farmer and told him that "In this town, we get dressed up for church."​

"But I am but a humble farmer with no better clothes than these. What shall I do?"​

"Pray to God" the priest replied. "He will tell you what to do."​

​

The next week the farmer came back to church wearing different clothes, but they were no better than the other set of clothes he had on before. The priest interrupted the service to berate the farmer.​

"Didn't I tell you to ask God what to wear to come here?"​

"Yes sir you did."​

"And did you do that?"​

"Yes sir I did."​

"And what did God tell you to wear?"​

"Well to be honest father, he didn't know. He said he's never been in this church before."​

​

Dead or Alive?​

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?" a teacher asked the children in her Sunday school class.​

"No!" the children all answered.​

​

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"​

Again the answer was, "No!"​

​

"Well," she continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"​

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"​

​

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.​

"I need you to pray for my hearing," said Bubba. The Pastor put his hands on Bubba's ears and prayed. when he was done, he asked, "So how's your hearing?" "I don't know," said Bubba, "it isn't until next Tuesday."​

​

​

 

[Lumpy 1]

Good to see you Lumpy.

Thank You .. always smiles and hugs for you Lady Beautress ...

 

[Hossfly]

 

[Dragonlady]

Hossfly, I think I've finally found someone who loves coffee more than I do.

It's PEACH SEASON!!!! The peaches this year are so big and sweet and juicy. It's just amazing. One of the grocery chains in Canada sells "Ontario peach ice cream". It's very good, but not as good as the fresh Niagara peaches. A gentleman from Georgia was here during peach season and said "We have good peaches in Georgia, but they can't compare to your peaches".

It's been so wonderful to have a summer with events. For the past two years there have been no concerts, no summer festivals, and no fall fairs. When the CNE (Canadian National Exhibition) opened in Toronto, I nearly cried. That was always a big event for our summer.

I spent part of last week at my daughter's house. When I returned home, Miss Kitty was nowhere to be found. I checked with my cat sitter and he confirmed she had escaped. She returned home shortly after I arrived and was quite "catty" about been locked out and nobody letting her in.

Don has been my cat sitter for 6 years, and his one rule is that the cats stay indoors while he's looking after them. Nothing bad is going to happen to them on his watch. But Miss Kitty is very fast and very determined to get out in the nice weather. She is fiercely independent and has jumped out of a second floor window, onto the roof of the neighbour's deck, to get out, if I don't open that door. I'm surprised he's managed to keep her indoors for the past 18 months, especially when I was in hospital for 2 weeks straight.

My Tribunal Hearing is coming up on September 8th. Time to get my evidence submitted. This is the one where I go after the Landlord for his failure to maintain.

 

[Ringel05]

 

[mamooth]

I had the adblocker off for this site, to help the board earn some money.

Then I saw the ad with the person whose eye has been replaced by a lamprey mouth. It was on every page. Twice. For days running. And it's gross and disturbing.

Adblocker back on.

 

[Foxfyre]

I had the adblocker off for this site, to help the board earn some money.

Then I saw the ad with the person whose eye has been replaced by a lamprey mouth. It was on every page. Twice. For days running. And it's gross and disturbing.

Adblocker back on.

Yeah. I prefer to contribute a bit every year in appreciation for USMB keeping this site going, and I hope it is enough to offset blocking the ads.

 

[Foxfyre]

And I hope everybody is having a great Monday afternoon. I just returned from the kitchen where I was doing some preliminary preparation for our supper--we have an early supper instead of a late dinner here--and thought you should know:

 

[Dajjal]

 

[Hossfly]

Dragonlady

 

[Dajjal]

 

[Dajjal]

And I hope everybody is having a great Monday afternoon. I just returned from the kitchen where I was doing some preliminary preparation for our supper--we have an early supper instead of a late dinner here--and thought you should know:

View attachment 688890

You can get jar openers from Amazon.

 

[Dajjal]

 

[Foxfyre]

You can get jar openers from Amazon.

I have plenty thanks.

 

[Hossfly]

 

[Foxfyre]

View attachment 689484

Ain't it the truth? But my computer gurus tell me that it does at least slow down the hackers using automated equipment trying to access our computers.

 

[Dajjal]

 

[Hossfly]

 

[Dajjal]

 

[beautress]

Here's one similar picture I took a couple of years ago. Note that everything has an orange tint to it and the picture doesn't do it justice, it's much more intense than the photo shows.

View attachment 687307

Wow. That looks like a Heaven on earth that would be hard to part with, Mr. Ringel.