Andylusion
Platinum Member
Maybe women should keep their legs crossed, or stop getting divorced.
I can assure you that getting divorced isn't the problem. The problems are things that did (or didn't) happen prior to the wedding. For example:
Failing to be sufficiently circumspect prior to wedding is one problem. This may come as a shock to you, but anyone who's gone through the process of becoming a partner in a large firm -- accounting, consulting or law, at least -- is in most, if not all, cases better known and understood -- personality, interests, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, etc. -- by the firm than was the person's spouse on the day they wed, yet one's relationship in a firm is generally thought of -- when the relationship begins -- as more temporary than is the relationship that officially commences with a marriage.Lastly, perhaps your remark has something to do with another member's comments...I don't know. I just want to say that whatever problems exist are not necessarily due to the woman involved. Were that not so, gay male relationships would nearly never need to end, and gay female ones would probably nearly never last.
Failing to be flexible as the nature of the relationship and the parties to it change is another problem. The fact of the matter is that one's "core" being doesn't really ever change, at least not according to the very old people with whom I've chatted about how they've changed. What they tell me is that the way(s) one's core beliefs and values are expressed is what changes over time. If one were a bit more validly circumspect in considering the nature of the person to whom one may want to become betrothed, one might notice early that the core of that person isn't a good fit with oneself, even though there's nothing wrong with that person in the abstract.
Failing to know oneself well and failing to know what one wants in a partner are yet other major problems. Everyone wants someone who's kind, thoughtful, responsible, etc. Lots of folks have those qualities. Not so many have them expressed in just the right way for oneself. But one can't know what modes of expression are ideal for oneself until one knows oneself very, very well, core personality strengths and core personality weaknesses. This is a tough thing to figure out for our culture doesn't exactly encourage one to be the "you" one just. Instead, it welcomes the "you" that fits what we (society) consider "normal."
Failing to be sufficiently circumspect prior to wedding is one problem.
I don't think that's an issue. For thousands of years of human history, people didn't know tons about the other person until their wedding. Even today, in many cultures, you see a girl, you ask your parents to talk to their parents. You meet with the girl. You talk with the girl one day, and in one day determine if you are going to marry, and then you marry. They often know nothing, except what the parents of the potential spouse tell you, and what neighbors and relatives say.
And the divorce rate in arranged marriages like that, are a tiny fraction of what they are here.
Failing to be flexible, sounds more like failing to not be selfish. One's core? Depends on what you are talking about. If you mean if one is Christian, and the other is Muslim... ok yeah, great point. But neither should be marrying the other to begin with, regardless of anything else.
But if you mean, she's a left-wing Democrat, and he's a right-wing Republican.... no that's not a problem. That's being selfish. Don't talk about it. Let it go. Keep your mouth shut, and have a good marriage.
Failing to know oneself well and failing to know what one wants in a partner. Again, true. But like I said, that's just selfishness. Stop being so self centered. Most spouses know what makes their partner happy. They just want what makes themselves happy. Stop being such narcissistic pigs.
As for it being the man's fault... of course. If he's hooked on drugs, an alcoholic, or is violent. Clearly that's on him.
If he's sleeping with other women, and the wife is willing to have regular sex... then that's on him.
So obviously there are examples where it's the man that is at fault. No one suggested otherwise.
But the statistical fact is, most divorces are not due to those things, and most are initiated by the women.