Bonzi's Top 5

[ChrisL]

One of the reasons why I don't like to share with people about my issues is because there is nothing WORSE than pity. I hate that so much. People tend to feel uncomfortable around me when I tell them things, they don't know what to say, and I can see the "pity" in their faces. I'm very strong and I don't need any pity. I also don't like to be the big downer of the party.

 

[Bonzi]

I don't like that either. (Pity)

Plus, I don't think (most, not all) people really care. Most people want to be around people that are up beat, happy, fun.
People don't want to be dragged down in negativity.

There are a handful of people that I can talk to about stuff, that really care, listen and have compassion. I go to them when/if needed.

I have seen it (in church actually a lot) - if I mention anything negative I noticethem looking away (like they are trying to escape) - so, I really try never to talk about anything negative at all.

 

[ChrisL]

Now I regret sharing that. Just forget about it, please. Lol.

 

[ChrisL]

I don't like that either. (Pity)

Plus, I don't think (most, not all) people really care. Most people want to be around people that are up beat, happy, fun.
People don't want to be dragged down in negativity.

There are a handful of people that I can talk to about stuff, that really care, listen and have compassion. I go to them when/if needed.

I have seen it (in church actually a lot) - if I mention anything negative I noticethem looking away (like they are trying to escape) - so, I really try never to talk about anything negative at all.

Well, I guess this would be the perfect place to share. You can't see how they're looking at you. None of these people are a part of your life, so . . . doesn't really make too much of a difference since we are pretty anonymous here.

 

[ChrisL]

I was a member of an online support type forum before for parents who lost children, and it was terrible. Every day I would read these horribly sad stories. At first it helped because I realized that I was not alone and other people actually were going through similar things. After a while, I saw that it really wasn't helping me to "move on." I was stuck at a certain point because of it. That's when I quit that and never went back. It doesn't do any good to sit and dwell on the things that . . . hurt. At least not for me. I like to be happy and upbeat.

 

[ChrisL]

Another thing I'd like to add is that if you have children that depend on you, you HAVE to be able to focus on them. Wallowing in your sadness doesn't really help them either. In fact, I think it can do damage to them. That is another reason why I don't. My other son still needed me, and I want him to be healthy mentally and well adjusted as possible.

 

[ChrisL]

Two years following my son's death, my father passed on. He had always been a HUGE drinker, but after his split with my mother and death of his grandson, he just couldn't deal and picked up the drinking to the point where he wasn't eating anything and just consuming beer all day long. He refused to see a doctor and was really sick. He was always a clean person who took two showers per day. Towards the end, he wasn't even showering anymore. He looked and smelled like a homeless man, and of course it took it's toll on his body and he died of cirrhosis of the liver. I know that he did it on purpose because he didn't want to live anymore and that was his way of committing suicide. So there, now you know some of my deepest darkest secrets. Happy?

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Two years following my son's death, my father passed on. He had always been a HUGE drinker, but after his split with my mother and death of his grandson, he just couldn't deal and picked up the drinking to the point where he wasn't eating anything and just consuming beer all day long. He refused to see a doctor and was really sick. He was always a clean person who took two showers per day. Towards the end, he wasn't even showering anymore. He looked and smelled like a homeless man, and of course it took it's toll on his body and he died of cirrhosis of the liver. I know that he did it on purpose because he didn't want to live anymore and that was his way of committing suicide. So there, now you know some of my deepest darkest secrets. Happy?

When my son was 4 he contracted that super serious flu that kids were dying of years ago. He was in the hospital for 6 days. At the worst point there was 2 RT's and a doctor working on him in the room trying to get him to breathe. When the spell first started before the team got there, he looked at me with absolute terror in his eyes. I am super Dad, I am supposed to fix everything. I could do nothing.
After they got him to breathe and his oxygen levels stable...the brevity of the situation really hit me. We could have lost him. And the last look I would have from my son was THAT look.
I will never-ever forget that moment.
But he is here. We didn't lose him.
But I have thought about the what ifs...horror. And you went through that. The worst of it anyway. So yes, I imagine you are strong. You have to be for the ones left. Good for you for knowing that. I don't feel pity for you. Sadness of course, but also admiration for not letting it ruin you.

 

[Manonthestreet]

Marriage camp? Kind where they put you in paradise and hell at same time, then turn up the pressure to see if anything is left. Net connections in those places always spotty to non existant,.

 

[Bonzi]

Top 5 today (plus, most likely to date if single):

baileyn45
sealybobo
Cassy Mo
QuickHitCurepon
Lucy Hamilton

And, most likely to date if single (and if they were interested) shadow355

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

There's nothing we couldn't do.

 

[Bonzi]

There's nothing we couldn't do.

it's kinda scary...!

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

There's nothing we couldn't do.

it's kinda scary...!

We would need a lot of help from above. And a lot of time.

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

I am probably too old for you.

Although...

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

Do you think it is rather strange to become obsessed or have an attraction to a person that you don't even really know? Do you think that is a sign of some . . . disorder perhaps?

I mean, I suppose that might be normal for a teenager, but for an adult person who has actually been in and experienced the ins and outs of an actual relationship? Yikes! Lol.

It is the more you dream, the more possibilities there are down the line, rather than characterizing it as "obsession."

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

Two years following my son's death, my father passed on. He had always been a HUGE drinker, but after his split with my mother and death of his grandson, he just couldn't deal and picked up the drinking to the point where he wasn't eating anything and just consuming beer all day long. He refused to see a doctor and was really sick. He was always a clean person who took two showers per day. Towards the end, he wasn't even showering anymore. He looked and smelled like a homeless man, and of course it took it's toll on his body and he died of cirrhosis of the liver. I know that he did it on purpose because he didn't want to live anymore and that was his way of committing suicide. So there, now you know some of my deepest darkest secrets. Happy?

That's never related to suicide in any way, except in the abstract sense. Suicide is a single deliberate act and nothing else.

 

[Kat]

 

[Moonglow]

Okay, my turn to ask a question of you Bonzi. Do you feel that you have a strong need to be accepted by everyone and to try to make everyone like you at any cost? Does this do something for your self esteem?

While you feel the need to distance yourself because of previous pain and suffering?

Yes, I can admit that I do this. I have lost people that are VERY close to me in the past and have suffered a great deal because of it. I put up walls and avoid "closeness" to avoid getting hurt. I don't even like to own pets because I know that when they die, it is going to hurt. I know these things about myself, but it is NOT easy to change those habits.

I have ten dogs and 4 kids,, along with three ex wives..I tear down walls and live with the pain, it let's me know I'm alive...

 

[QuickHitCurepon]

I hope to make your top 10 list, but I would wait at least until the :17:'s come.

no clue what that means..... :17:'s?

They will have joined USMB in 2017. I am a :13: which is a lucky number for me since I was that number in my first year of Little League, when I went undefeated as a pitcher.

BTW In the minors, I played for Cabaña Hyatt House. I only went two seasons and played for National Press in the PCL league. My pitching career became dubious quickly as soon as I realized how easy it was for batters to hit home runs off of me.

Crowne Plaza Palo Alto

https://m.facebook.com/notes/crowne-plaza-palo-alto/history-of-the-cabana/47371121707/

In the next article, it talks about Steve Young. When I was there, he lived a few blocks from my mom's house.

Palo Alto History

I can see the Cabaña building from my balcony on the third floor.

 

[fbj]

Okay, my turn to ask a question of you Bonzi. Do you feel that you have a strong need to be accepted by everyone and to try to make everyone like you at any cost? Does this do something for your self esteem?

While you feel the need to distance yourself because of previous pain and suffering?

Yes, I can admit that I do this. I have lost people that are VERY close to me in the past and have suffered a great deal because of it. I put up walls and avoid "closeness" to avoid getting hurt. I don't even like to own pets because I know that when they die, it is going to hurt. I know these things about myself, but it is NOT easy to change those habits.

I have ten dogs and 4 kids,, along with three ex wives..I tear down walls and live with the pain, it let's me know I'm alive...

f I had to go to a house with 4 kids and 2 dogs I would dive off the nearest bridge LOL