How to Deal with the Family Criminal?...

[Onyx]

Wrong. Any contact with him will be a constant source of irritation to the wife. The dude's a pedophile.

Pedophile? That is nowhere in the OP. You are just making stuff up that you had not read.

Child endangerment and invasion of privacy are something like 1 year sentences on their own. The sex offender registry probably refers to the invasion of privacy charge, and the OP provided no details on what that constituted, but if it has been a child he would of been locked up for more than 8 years.

They have a 100% recidivism rate.

That's false, but not relevant to this thread either way.

The OP said nothing about the person in question being a pedophile or having the appropriate charges.

 

[Jarlaxle]

I work with a sex offender.

He was 20, had too much Corona, and took a whiz in some shrubbery.

 

[westwall]

Wrong. Any contact with him will be a constant source of irritation to the wife. The dude's a pedophile.

Pedophile? That is nowhere in the OP. You are just making stuff up that you had not read.

Child endangerment and invasion of privacy are something like 1 year sentences on their own. The sex offender registry probably refers to the invasion of privacy charge, and the OP provided no details on what that constituted, but if it has been a child he would of been locked up for more than 8 years.

They have a 100% recidivism rate.

That's false, but not relevant to this thread either way.

The OP said nothing about the person in question being a pedophile or having the appropriate charges.

I think you did not read the OP very well.

 

[Anathema]

I would tell your Mom to enjoy his company, that you will not be in attendance.

That concept has been considered, but it cuts,us off from a large percentage of family activities that we enjoy because my mother and two of my second cousins (my uncle's cousins) have decided to try and rehabilitate this man's standing in the family and reintegration him into family activities.

 

[Anathema]

Rather than replying to a dozen comments individually, let me put some additional info out there......

Yes, he is a pedophile. He was charged with 38 counts pertaining get to taking video of 25 young girls (ages 11-14) changing clothes in his home photography studio and/or exposing himself to them during photo shoots. There was never any reported physical contact. He plead guilty to the charges.

That's why this is such an issue for my wife and me. As I mentioned, my wife was sexually abused as a child, and I get to see the long term repercussions of that every day.

My mother, and 2 of my uncle's cousins have been corresponding with him in prison. He's supposedly turned his,life around and they want to try to reintegration him into the family. I don't believe in second chances for sex offenders. He'll, I'd be more open to this if he was a murderer instead of a pedophile.

Total avoidance is probably not an option. I wish it was, but that would simply ensure we don't get to see large portions of my family or attend most family events.

 

[Onyx]

I think you did not read the OP very well.

Clearly you did not.

You just said the person in question was a pedophile, although the OP does not validate that.

 

[Anathema]

Clearly you did not.

You just said the person in question was a pedophile, although the OP does not validate that.

If you'd read all the way to the bottom before posting, you would have seen my comment this morning confirming Westwall's correctness in this matter.

 

[Onyx]

Yes, he is a pedophile. He was charged with 38 counts pertaining get to taking video of 25 young girls (ages 11-14) changing clothes in his home photography studio and/or exposing himself to them during photo shoots. There was never any reported physical contact. He plead guilty to the charges.

That's why this is such an issue for my wife and me. As I mentioned, my wife was sexually abused as a child, and I get to see the long term repercussions of that every day.

Okay, thanks for providing more information.

I just want to note that there is a difference between a pedophile and a child molester, and it is possible that your uncle is actually ashamed of his actions and his attractions. I believe you should not give up on family, and his past convictions signify that he needs help and not hatred.

Due to the circumstances in your own life (involving your wife), I believe it would actually be a good idea to avoid contact. What I would not do is intentionally create a toxic environment which does not need to exist. It would not help any of the involved parties.

 

[Onyx]

If you'd read all the way to the bottom before posting, you would have seen my comment this morning confirming Westwall's correctness in this matter.

I just noticed, although I am not going to applaud Westwall for making baseless assumptions without knowing all the information.

 

[jon_berzerk]

I got word from my mother this evening that the Black Sheep of our family (my father's youngest brother) will likely be getting out of prison next April.

If so, he will have served 8 years of a 15 year sentence for multiple Child Endangerment and Invasion of Privacy charges he plead guilty to in 2009. These were related to a home photography business he ran. He will have to register as a sex offender and will be on lifetime parole.

Some of you know that my wife was raped and sexually assaulted on multiple occasions as a pre-teen. She still suffers the PTSD effects of those incidents even after nearly a decade of counseling (she repressed the memories for over a decade).

Assuming my uncle is released, there is a very high probability that he will be at certain family events that my wife and I also attend.

My wife has made it extremely clear that she wants nothing to do with him. I agree and feel the same way. However, my mother has made it very clear that she wants and expects me (not my wife) to at least be cordial to him at these events. I'd rather simply avoid him completely. If for no other reason than keeping me from causing a scene when I kick his ass.

What do you folks think? Any advice or suggestions on how to handle this sort of situation?

if the uncle was the perp

have the courts if they havent already

place a distance restraining order

from the victim(s)

 

[Onyx]

I work with a sex offender.

He was 20, had too much Corona, and took a whiz in some shrubbery.

This is a huge problem with the sex offender registry.

It is easy to get on, but impossible to get off.

 

[Anathema]

if the uncle was the perp.....

He was not. If he had been, he'd already be dead. As will the man who did rape her, if I ever catch up with him.

 

[Onyx]

He was not. If he had been, he'd already be dead. As will the man who did rape her, if I ever catch up with him.

Don't you think it is strange that your wife is still manifesting troubled psyche for something that had happened 40-60 years ago (considering you self identify as a crotchety old man)

She clearly never got proper closure.

 

[Anathema]

I just want to note that there is a difference between a pedophile and a child molester, and it is possible that your uncle is actually ashamed of his actions and his attractions. I believe you should not give up on family, and his past convictions signify that he needs help and not hatred.

Being remorseful doesn't take away what the victims have to deal with for the rest of their lives. I don't hate him; I just want to forget he even exists.

Due to the circumstances in your own life (involving your wife), I believe it would actually be a good idea to avoid contact. What I would not do is intentionally create a toxic environment which does not need to exist. It would not help any of the involved parties.

I would love to totally avoid contact. That was our initial plan. However, I don't want to throw away our ability to congregate with the rest of the family because of him.

 

[Anathema]

Don't you think it is strange that your wife is still manifesting troubled psyche for something that had happened 40-60 years ago (considering you self identify as a crotchety old man)

She clearly never got proper closure.

No I don't think it's strange that a horrific set of events that happened 20-25 years ago still affects her psyche. Her mind repressed these memories from her preteen years until she was 25 years old. Her own family refused to support her when the memories came to the surface. Even after a decade there are still new memories and details that she is just remembering.

Her assailant was never punished for his crimes. She and I deal with this without any emotional support from most of her family. It's us and her therapist against her own mind and memories.

 

[Papageorgio]

Tough situation. I would go to the functions and if he tries to start up a conversation, simply excuse yourself. He will figure it out and then be smart enough to leave you alone.

 

[Onyx]

I would love to totally avoid contact. That was our initial plan. However, I don't want to throw away our ability to congregate with the rest of the family because of him.

It is easy to emphasize with someone in a situation like yours.

My advice would be to forget about it and have a good time with the rest of your family. I would avoid making the situation toxic, because the only way to resolve a toxic situation is through hard confrontation, which is not something most people desire.

Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide to do. Thanks for sharing about what is going on in your life.

 

[G.T.]

I think the fact that your wife is a victim of abuse, and you proudly advised this board that you strike your wife, you belong in prison with him and neither of you stone ages feral savages belong at anyone's family gatherings.

 

[Compost]

You might consider holding a separate family gathering at your house, inviting only those you and your wife want to visit with.

 

[GaryDog]

Any function he attends I simply would not. He's a pariah and he will do nothing but harm to your family.

He is only a pariah when you have self righteous crusaders acting like they are any better.

This guys crimes all seem like they should be misdemeanors.

Wrong. Any contact with him will be a constant source of irritation to the wife. The dude's a pedophile. They have a 100% recidivism rate.

Link? Seems high.

But I know, I know, it's the era of Trump. Facts need not apply.