Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[Cecilie1200]

Bingo. This is the answer. No one makes up excuses in order to avoid making love if they really like it and their partner.

Holy cow...did you pc edit husband out of that???

Some people, including heteros, have long term relationships, years long and living together, without getting married. Lots of people, actually. So it does not necessarily mean that your partner is your husband or wife.

The supposed husband and wife in the OP are in their 20's. Being in your 20's and not interested in sex with your partner? Highly unlikely unless you are with the wrong person.

Actually, there are a lot of women out there, apparently, who don't care for sex. I personally think they have some sort of mental or emotional problem. Maybe they've been raised/socialized to be repressed.

 

[Cecilie1200]

He makes up spread sheets about their sex life or lack of it and he thinks she is the problem?

Again, He is the problem? Explain

He may or may not be the problem; most likely he would not be the whole problem. They have issues though. It is ridiculous to think that if your wife refuses to have sex with you 27 times, one day after another, that it is her that is the problem. You have to ask yourself why she doesn't want to do something she should enjoy and look forward to.

So, to ask your question but in reverse: explain why she is the problem?

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

I'd imagine that, like most marital problems, this has two sides to it. But while I think perhaps this isn't the best approach to take, it seems like he is at least trying to communicate about the problem.

 

[Cecilie1200]

As a Christian, we are supposed to give ourselves to our spouse, in fulfilling our marital obligation.

As a practical matter, people who routinely avoid sex with their spouse, often end up with unhappy marriages. The bitterness and lack of affection, will spill over into other things. People getting angry in their marriages over really dumb problems, in many cases in actually the result of the lack of affection in the bedroom. It's hard to be bitter over stupid issues, with someone you are routinely extremely intimate with. Not so much, when you are rarely intimate with them.

The other side, is that at some point, if the husband doesn't ditch the wife, he'll eventually switch off. He'll just shut down. This is why 20% of all married couples, live in sexless marriages.

Now of course there are other factors, like physical problems, that prevent sex. But generally, when a girl shuts down her husband enough times, he'll switch off. Then later in life, after the kids are largely out of the house, or gone, suddenly she wakes up sexually again, but he couldn't care less. He's been switched off for so long, it's not even on his radar.

This is why you see movies like Hope Springs, where the disconnected husband, and the sex starved wife, desperately seeking the attention she got when they were younger.... and duh... having sex.

Where do you think the Cougar phenomenon came from? These older chicks switch back on, while their shunned husband does not.

My opinion? And this is just my opinion, so who cares what I think? I think either spouse should never turn down the other to have sex. Unless obviously, one is being abusive or, you actually are sick, or one is hooked on porn, and wants some sick twisted crap. But otherwise, you should take up your spouse every time they want sex.

OMG You are completely blaming the woman. How Christian of you. Who would have your brand of Christianity?

Well, dear, it's a fact that when you're talking about withholding sex, it's not usually the GUY doing it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

If someone is having a problem with their spouse, the adult thing to do would be to sit down and seriously talk about it. Emailing a spreadsheet would be considered a sub-optimal way of dealing with issues.

We don't know that he HASN'T tried to talk to her. Maybe he has, and she's denied that there's a problem, or accused him of exaggerating how often she says no, so this is his way of trying to get through to her.

I actually really doubt this is the first she's heard of his unhappiness on the subject.

I did this to my ex-husband once on a non-sexual subject (and I didn't e-mail the results to him). I tried repeatedly to talk to him about a habit of his, and he refused to believe that I wasn't making it up and exaggerating. So I kept track of it in writing for a week, and then sat him down and showed him the record and made him listen to me instead of dismissing my problem. (No, you don't need to know what it was. We're divorced, but he still deserves my respect for his privacy.)

 

[Noomi]

Again, He is the problem? Explain

He may or may not be the problem; most likely he would not be the whole problem. They have issues though. It is ridiculous to think that if your wife refuses to have sex with you 27 times, one day after another, that it is her that is the problem. You have to ask yourself why she doesn't want to do something she should enjoy and look forward to.

So, to ask your question but in reverse: explain why she is the problem?

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

I'd imagine that, like most marital problems, this has two sides to it. But while I think perhaps this isn't the best approach to take, it seems like he is at least trying to communicate about the problem.

Nowhere anywhere does it state that a woman MUST have sex with her husband. This guy is a tool who keeps pestering her. Perhaps if he had more respect for her he might get some.

Until he does, he can suck it up and jack off into a toilet roll.

 

[ChrisL]

Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my 'excuses,' using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 'attempts' on his part.

She needs to be a better bitch. Period.

I wonder if she has always been this way, or if this just started since they've been married? If he knew she wasn't that into sex before, perhaps he shouldn't have married her in the first place? They probably shouldn't have married each other, they are obviously not very sexually compatible or something.

 

[ChrisL]

If someone is having a problem with their spouse, the adult thing to do would be to sit down and seriously talk about it. Emailing a spreadsheet would be considered a sub-optimal way of dealing with issues.

We don't know that he HASN'T tried to talk to her. Maybe he has, and she's denied that there's a problem, or accused him of exaggerating how often she says no, so this is his way of trying to get through to her.

I actually really doubt this is the first she's heard of his unhappiness on the subject.

I did this to my ex-husband once on a non-sexual subject (and I didn't e-mail the results to him). I tried repeatedly to talk to him about a habit of his, and he refused to believe that I wasn't making it up and exaggerating. So I kept track of it in writing for a week, and then sat him down and showed him the record and made him listen to me instead of dismissing my problem. (No, you don't need to know what it was. We're divorced, but he still deserves my respect for his privacy.)

He may or may not be the problem; most likely he would not be the whole problem. They have issues though. It is ridiculous to think that if your wife refuses to have sex with you 27 times, one day after another, that it is her that is the problem. You have to ask yourself why she doesn't want to do something she should enjoy and look forward to.

So, to ask your question but in reverse: explain why she is the problem?

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

I'd imagine that, like most marital problems, this has two sides to it. But while I think perhaps this isn't the best approach to take, it seems like he is at least trying to communicate about the problem.

Nowhere anywhere does it state that a woman MUST have sex with her husband. This guy is a tool who keeps pestering her. Perhaps if he had more respect for her he might get some.

Until he does, he can suck it up and jack off into a toilet roll.

It seems like they both have some growing up to do, or something. Maybe marriage counseling.

 

[Cecilie1200]

She has the vagina and the legs that open. Pretty simple

I have to take it back tho...This is his fault for dealing with this. He needs a side chick or something. What she wont another will.

I overheard a conversation once that I am quite certain I was not to hear. It was between My mother and My sister and it blew Me away because...well, who thinks their mother thinks that way?

Anyway....As I was walking by, I heard her say to My sister....."Its your body, but understand something about a man. If you won't have sex with him, he will go elsewhere for it."

Given enough time, I think this is true. Perhaps its time for....ah....this guy to move on.

Very true. The man may not want to but how long to you expect him to spank the monkey before he gets tired of it and looks elsewhere. There is no shortage of women who are willing to hop in bed with your husband. Men and women's sex drives are very different. Men have a very physical sex drive while women have a very emotional sex drive. If a woman doesn't feel like having sex on a regular basis, then she needs to ask why. Do you not feel sexy? Do you feel mentally exhausted? Not enough romance? find the issue and correct it.

After I had my kids I felt like a fat blob. I didn't feel sexy and wasn't into sex. I still did have sex anyway for my husbands sake, but I also attacked the problem with diet and exercise. New Clothes, new hair cut, new accessories really lifted my spirit as I slowly lost weight. Dates with just Hubby and I also helped so much we still do it. You have to keep your marriage fresh.

Yet another example of how I'm not very female between the ears. My sex drive is almost entirely physical. I'm awake, there are people in my life with penises, good to go.

It's likely that having a solid stainless-steel ego helps, too. Unless I'm sick, I think it's literally impossible for me NOT to feel sexy. And I've found over the years that most men aren't that hard to get along with on that subject; they'll take your word for that.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Nope. .

YUP it is. It's scary that you don't see that. If a man has to force his wife he needs to look at himself for the problem. Gentile words and kindness work better than force, unless your wife has a fetish for that type of thing. Any man trying to force himself on me gets a right to the jaw and knee'd in the nuts.

Yeah it is. And here's the other thing, purely from a male-centred perspective: Sunni I don't know if you're new to the whole sex thing but the idea that your pelvic affiliate is affiliating only because some authority requires her to --- that ain't exactly a turn-on, nomsayin'?

It is to someone like Sunni, who wouldn't get any if it were any other way.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Thus no physical force envolved but how about mental and social force?

Ok so what happens if she thinks her place and duty is different from what the men think it should be? Is she allowed to pursue her way freely or is she going to get bitch slapped from hubby? Just because a woman complies out of fear or brainwashing doesn't mean it's an OK thing to do. Lots of women do what their husband expect them to do simply to avoid a black eye.

Such truth--you're finally seeing it! You're breaking free of your manpig brainwashing!

That's not the same as her wanting to do it. A real woman can do what she wants and has a productive life whether that is working outside the home or like me just being happy as a housewife and mother. I don't do it out of some forced sense of duty. I do it because I love what I do.

Don't stumble now, systyr! You may think you want to engage in disgusting hetero intercourse with a manpig, but the truth is, that swine has programmed you to think you want that. Using "a real womyn can do what she wants...I do it (stay home, copulate with a pig, etc.) because I want to!" is on the same level as a cigarette addict's "I can quit any time I want, I just don't want to right now."

The fact is, all heterosexual intercourse is rape. No exceptions.

Let me repeat that: If you've ever engaged in sexual relations with a manpig, you have been raped. I know that this is hard to grasp, but I will elaborate as I know it can aid in breaking from your programming.

Suppose the manpig oppressor you call a husband today had said, on the fyrst encounter you had with him, "Hey bytch, I'm getting laid twice tonight and you're gonna be the one to help me do that." Think about it--you don't know this manpig, and he's demanding intercourse with you, expecting you to comply. Of course you would refuse! But suppose this pig recognizes that you would reject such advances, and even if he did force himself upon you, that would merely get him imprisoned. Suppose that this pig decides to go with a route safer for him and his criminal activity--playing nice. Instead of calling you "bytch," as you get to know one another, he calls you supposedly good things like "darling," "sweetie," and "honey." Instead of demanding sex up front, he courts you--AKA, lures you--with dinner and a movie, or some other standard manpig tactic. Instead of throwing you directly into the pot of boiling water, he puts you in a pot of room-temperature water and allows it to heat up slowly, with you not noticing the incremental increase, and before you know it your sex pot has boiled over, and you've married the pig now. You are legally his property, he rapes you as he pleases, and you don't even want to voice your desire to stop it because you've been emotionally and socially programmed for years at this point that you should allow him to have his disgusting way with you. And the most shocking idea of all--you have convinced yourself at this point that this is the lyfe you lead because you choose to. The mental trappings of his prolonged manipulation have caused you to become trapped in a labyrinth of submission that you are hopelessly lost within, unable to see that no matter which way you turn--no matter which choice you make--you are submitting to his chauvinistic will, even when you think you're going your own way.

Manpigs are stupid, but they can be clever, using convoluted, deceitful plans to get what they want. All heterosexual intercourse is rape, no exceptions. Think you want it? That's just the programming talking.

Come on systyr, see the lyght! The bryght lyght of the blyndyngly obvious truths of fymynysm!

Yer nuttier than a shithouse rat.

(Note: after work Monday, I walked through the door, and had just enough time to put away my helmet and hang up my armored jacket before my wife pounced on me. I was hot, sweaty, and tired; she grabbed me and dragged me into the shower with her. That was fun.)

I usually have the most fun with my new guy after SCA fighter practice. When we first got together, he said, "I'm all soaked and sweaty. Doesn't that bother you?" I answered, "Honey, I plan to have a LOT more contact with your sweaty body in the future. I'll survive."

 

[Cecilie1200]

I love the comments here. It seems that many of you believe that a woman should submit to her husband when he pesters her.
She is not his property, and any excuse she comes up with is an excuse. No means no. Perhaps the husband should clean the house or buy her flowers, make her feel appreciated, instead of being a jerk who just sees his spouse as a walking vagina?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not married, right? No one actually WANTS your vagina, walking or otherwise?

Armchair quarterback much?

 

[Cecilie1200]

I love the comments here. It seems that many of you believe that a woman should submit to her husband when he pesters her.
She is not his property, and any excuse she comes up with is an excuse. No means no. Perhaps the husband should clean the house or buy her flowers, make her feel appreciated, instead of being a jerk who just sees his spouse as a walking vagina?

Maybe he's already tried that and she just doesn't want sex.

I think if she said she wanted to be married and rarely have sex that she would still be single today.

I wonder if they have young children, too If so, she is probably tired from looking after them all day.

Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship.

Not until it isn't IN the relationship anymore. Then it becomes important enough to be the end of the relationship.

This might surprise you, being completely inexperienced with having a man want to be with you the way you are, but people in relationships actually have OBLIGATIONS to each other. They have to actually DO things to make the relationship work, and just sitting back like a selfish cow and saying, "It's my body. You don't have a right to it" is inappropriate and an excellent way to wind up with no relationship.

The purpose of a romantic relationship is to fulfill each other's emotional needs. Any woman who's so piss-stupid she doesn't know that men primarily express and fulfill emotional needs is through sex DESERVES to be single and bitter.

 

[Cecilie1200]

what's shocking about the story is most women still expect you to have sex with them even if they are stinking LOL

Possibly because a lot of men will.

 

[Cecilie1200]

If she is having to make that many excuses, he's the one with the problem....either he is a sorry ass lover, or, he doesn't know how to pick women......

He's the one with the problem? Explain

The man is creating a spreadsheet rather than developing ways to woo his wife and persuade her to be with him.

You want more sex? Work for it. Women don't need to just give you what you want for no reason.

Um, being married is a reason. Pretty damned GOOD reason, in my opinion.

 

[Cecilie1200]

You think the spreadsheet was the first response to this problem? Like he got in bed said "lets do it" she said no and he left the room? 27 times?

Probably.

You don't seem to realize that the art of getting sex, usually has nothing to do with asking for sex. it's about making them feel desire for you

Seduction should not stop just because you are married.

True, but neither should communication. She's clearly got some sort of issue if she's saying, "No" so much, so why isn't SHE being proactive about it? Why doesn't she TELL him what the fucking problem is? Get some therapy? Something?

 

[Cecilie1200]

I hate to say this, but for most men, it is. It might not be to you, and I completely understand that. But for most men, if they didn't have this sexual drive, they likely wouldn't be marrying.

I'd point to myself as an example.

See? Why are you apologizing or hate to say something that should be common knowledge?

Instead ya'll saying sex dont really matter when thats completely false

Yes, you are of course correct.

I guess I hate to say it, because I know it pisses some people (generally women) off, and I honestly do not say things to intentionally make people mad.

Nevertheless, this is the truth. Most men, if they didn't have this sexual desire that women fulfill, would never get married. That's just how it is.

Unfortunately, I think too many women get their views of marriage from romance novels, chick flicks, and Disney. All of which portray an extremely unrealistic view of relationships. Then they get married, and end up disappointed.

Doesn't help when your high school sex ed teacher has you putting condoms on cucumbers.

I mean, cucumbers? Seriously?! Talk about raising false hopes.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Beleive it or not, not everyone feels horny every day.

I believe it, but I do not comprehend it.

 

[asterism]

He may or may not be the problem; most likely he would not be the whole problem. They have issues though. It is ridiculous to think that if your wife refuses to have sex with you 27 times, one day after another, that it is her that is the problem. You have to ask yourself why she doesn't want to do something she should enjoy and look forward to.

So, to ask your question but in reverse: explain why she is the problem?

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

I'd imagine that, like most marital problems, this has two sides to it. But while I think perhaps this isn't the best approach to take, it seems like he is at least trying to communicate about the problem.

Nowhere anywhere does it state that a woman MUST have sex with her husband. This guy is a tool who keeps pestering her. Perhaps if he had more respect for her he might get some.

Until he does, he can suck it up and jack off into a toilet roll.

That perspective is not conducive to a happy relationship. The guy is a whiny bitch, but the girl is just simply a bitch. It's not about "pestering" and it's not about "obligation." It's about her not communicating about why she isn't all over her husband (you're not married, so I don't expect you to understand the significance). There's a problem there.

He's obviously got some issue too, but wanting to commune with his WIFE is not one of them. I sense an affair and/or a divorce in their future. I find women who have an attitude that sex is simply about the guy getting off to be very sad. They just don't get it. No problem, there are plenty of women out there who do - and will. If you think this guy is just trying to get off you're wrong. He'd have been fucking around much sooner than this if that's all it was about.

There's a reason she's not sexually attracted to him, regardless of his obvious flaws.

 

[Cecilie1200]

they shouldn't have gotten married at all....

Again, the only answers are "his fault" or "Time machine"

wrong it's both their fault...why the fuck would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't .
might as well spank the sausage...

She's his wife. One presumes that he still loves and desires her, and would like her to want sex with him in return.

I frankly think he should just accept that the marriage is over.

 

[Cecilie1200]

The guy is a douche, put it that way.

The more parsimonious explanation is that the wife is a selfish, frigid harridan.

The wife is not property and does not have to have sex with her husband if she doesn't want to.

. . . says the "woman" no man wants, anyway. Tell us more about how to do things you've never done.