Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[WinterBorn]

And wifey is the one that posted the spreadsheet.

So she wanted people to know she was frigid and a bad wife? Weird.

Again, that depends. Some of us see the contents of the spreadsheet as the point. Those who look a little deeper see the idea of making it into a spreadsheet as the point.

I can see both sides of it. Perhaps it could have been expressed better, but the man was trying to point out how often his advances were spurned (often for bogus reasons).

That said, I wonder about their life together. I had a friend some years ago who complained about never getting laid. I knew him and knew that he and his wife both worked, but he expected her to make dinner and clean up afterwards, while he sat in front of the tv with a beer.

I made him a bet that if he cleared the table and did the dishes, he would get laid. He thought he was going to win $50. But he showed up the next morning with a big smile on his face.

 

[ChrisL]

Maybe they aren't repressed. Maybe they just value their freedom.

Huh? I don't see how you are making the connection between having sex with one's spouse and freedom? If you wish to live a life of celibacy, that's one thing, then don't get married.

That's his choice isn't it? The point is, not to assume that everyone who doesn't want to have sex is repressed. Sometimes it isn't repression. It's a choice. Only a free people can exercise that kind of choice. If a wife does not have the ability to make that kind of choice, she's likely a muslim whose religion forbids her refusal.

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

 

[ChrisL]

So she wanted people to know she was frigid and a bad wife? Weird.

Again, that depends. Some of us see the contents of the spreadsheet as the point. Those who look a little deeper see the idea of making it into a spreadsheet as the point.

I can see both sides of it. Perhaps it could have been expressed better, but the man was trying to point out how often his advances were spurned (often for bogus reasons).

That said, I wonder about their life together. I had a friend some years ago who complained about never getting laid. I knew him and knew that he and his wife both worked, but he expected her to make dinner and clean up afterwards, while he sat in front of the tv with a beer.

I made him a bet that if he cleared the table and did the dishes, he would get laid. He thought he was going to win $50. But he showed up the next morning with a big smile on his face.

That's true. This dude could be a total jerk for all we know. Lol! Maybe both of them are!

 

[Katzndogz]

Huh? I don't see how you are making the connection between having sex with one's spouse and freedom? If you wish to live a life of celibacy, that's one thing, then don't get married.

That's his choice isn't it? The point is, not to assume that everyone who doesn't want to have sex is repressed. Sometimes it isn't repression. It's a choice. Only a free people can exercise that kind of choice. If a wife does not have the ability to make that kind of choice, she's likely a muslim whose religion forbids her refusal.

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

 

[Slyhunter]

That's his choice isn't it? The point is, not to assume that everyone who doesn't want to have sex is repressed. Sometimes it isn't repression. It's a choice. Only a free people can exercise that kind of choice. If a wife does not have the ability to make that kind of choice, she's likely a muslim whose religion forbids her refusal.

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Divorce the bitch
/thread.

 

[ChrisL]

That's his choice isn't it? The point is, not to assume that everyone who doesn't want to have sex is repressed. Sometimes it isn't repression. It's a choice. Only a free people can exercise that kind of choice. If a wife does not have the ability to make that kind of choice, she's likely a muslim whose religion forbids her refusal.

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Oh yes, I totally agree with that. That's a fact. Lol! However, it is possible that if they both behave like adults, they could work through their issues. I guess it just depends on how important the relationship is to both of them. It seems like a kind of game to them though. So many, many people are focused on other things that they tend to neglect the ones they love sometimes.

 

[Pogo]

That's his choice isn't it? The point is, not to assume that everyone who doesn't want to have sex is repressed. Sometimes it isn't repression. It's a choice. Only a free people can exercise that kind of choice. If a wife does not have the ability to make that kind of choice, she's likely a muslim whose religion forbids her refusal.

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Maybe, maybe not. Some of us believe marriage is more intended to be "for the duration" than this...

 

[Peach]

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Oh yes, I totally agree with that. That's a fact. Lol! However, it is possible that if they both behave like adults, they could work through their issues. I guess it just depends on how important the relationship is to both of them. It seems like a kind of game to them though. So many, many people are focused on other things that they tend to neglect the ones they love sometimes.

She asked him to "spread the sheets", he misunderstood; either that or he was too busy making his "list" to notice her affection.

 

[ChrisL]

His choice? I was talking about her. If she does not like or does not want to have sex for whatever reason, it would be fair to not marry another who is apparently expecting to have a healthy normal sex life. I'm not talking about Muslims or whatever. I'm referring strictly to the situation referred to in the OP. She is obviously refusing to have sex, so she is not being repressed.

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Maybe, maybe not. Some of us believe marriage is more intended to be "for the duration" than this...

Very, very true, but I do believe that sexual intimacy is an important part of any marriage. Otherwise, why not just be roommates or friends? I know that I want to have sexual intimacy in my relationships. As a woman who happens to be quite vain (lol), I would feel terrible if I had a spouse who turned me down for sex all the time. I can only imagine that he was probably feeling terrible too, so I kind of do feel sorry for him. I mean, if she doesn't want him, then maybe it's for the best to let him go?

 

[Sgt_Gath]

He may or may not be the problem; most likely he would not be the whole problem. They have issues though. It is ridiculous to think that if your wife refuses to have sex with you 27 times, one day after another, that it is her that is the problem. You have to ask yourself why she doesn't want to do something she should enjoy and look forward to.

So, to ask your question but in reverse: explain why she is the problem?

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

I'd imagine that, like most marital problems, this has two sides to it. But while I think perhaps this isn't the best approach to take, it seems like he is at least trying to communicate about the problem.

Nowhere anywhere does it state that a woman MUST have sex with her husband. This guy is a tool who keeps pestering her. Perhaps if he had more respect for her he might get some.

Until he does, he can suck it up and jack off into a toilet roll.

Or he can get a divorce, and probably be better off for it...

 

[Pogo]

Staying married to her is definitely his choice.

Maybe, maybe not. Some of us believe marriage is more intended to be "for the duration" than this...

Very, very true, but I do believe that sexual intimacy is an important part of any marriage. Otherwise, why not just be roommates or friends? I know that I want to have sexual intimacy in my relationships. As a woman who happens to be quite vain (lol), I would feel terrible if I had a spouse who turned me down for sex all the time. I can only imagine that he was probably feeling terrible too, so I kind of do feel sorry for him. I mean, if she doesn't want him, then maybe it's for the best to let him go?

I just think people give up too easily, changing spouses like shirts. That's just me.

 

[ChrisL]

Maybe, maybe not. Some of us believe marriage is more intended to be "for the duration" than this...

Very, very true, but I do believe that sexual intimacy is an important part of any marriage. Otherwise, why not just be roommates or friends? I know that I want to have sexual intimacy in my relationships. As a woman who happens to be quite vain (lol), I would feel terrible if I had a spouse who turned me down for sex all the time. I can only imagine that he was probably feeling terrible too, so I kind of do feel sorry for him. I mean, if she doesn't want him, then maybe it's for the best to let him go?

I just think people give up too easily, changing spouses like shirts. That's just me.

I'm sure some people do. I imagine that the relationship wasn't very important to them if that's the case though.

 

[BillyV]

Because SHE is the one refusing to fulfill her marital obligations, not him. Now, it's true that he might not be inspiring her to want to, but it's still a fact that SHE is the one whose failure is the most obvious on the surface.

Actually we don't know that, as we only have his side of the story. Do we go into court, let the jury hear one side and then send them off to deliberate?

Actually, we do have part of her side; she responded to some of the avalanche of posts offering advice on the site where she originally posted the spreadsheet. Here is some of what she had to say:

It's not normal. For the most part of our relationship, we averaged 3-5 times a week I'd say? Including a non-recipricated blowjob thrown in here and there.

A few months ago I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I looked horrible naked and none of my clothes fit nicely, I had a muffin top. I've been trying to eat better and go to the gym ever since.
My weekday routine has been shower, go to work, get off at 4pm, go home and cook dinner, go to the gym, watch some TV, sleep. He's never up to have sex in the morning, and I never want to have sex after being all sweaty and gross from the gym.
He's totally guility of bottling up his emotions and then they come out in one fell swoop. Once or twice a year I'll come home and he'll just start in on me. But it's always been real issues, discussed (for the most part) maturely. Not this spiteful, childish stuff.

It sounds like this has been going on for some time ("a few months") and this guy is at the end of his patience. In any case, she corroborates the fact that she is refusing him and then rationalizes it away. Of course she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do, but the act of refusing for lame reasons and not sharing the real reason leads me to conclude that she has as much of a communication problem as he does. And the "non-reciprocated" line tells me she may be a little self-centered as well.

 

[WheelieAddict]

Total fail. They both will be better off divorced.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I didn't need an excuse. I just said NO and that was it. If he had his way, we would be doing it 6 times a day. Oh hayell no. About 12 years ago I said "That's it. I'm done". And I was.

(He was an alcoholic. By the time he finally got sober...it was too late. I love him..but I am not IN love with him. And thats that).

With us, it was the opposite. I was the one with the high sex drive, and he was the one who was usually saying, "Let's just cuddle." Now that we're divorced, he keeps wanting to get frisky, and I resent being put in the position of having to say, "That ship has sailed, dude." He's still my best friend, but I got over being attracted to him ages ago.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Maybe the wife suffers from chronic depression or something?

Maybe the way he approaches her for sex turns her off? Maybe instead of coming out and just asking her (which is actually quite UNromantic LOL), he should just start touching her and loving her, you know?

What I mean is, instead of saying "come on baby, let's do it," perhaps he could take a more romantic approach?

We don't know that he didn't. And saying, "Well, maybe she has depression" doesn't excuse her. If her health problems are damaging her marriage, she needs to get off her dead ass and handle it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Yes, you are of course correct.

I guess I hate to say it, because I know it pisses some people (generally women) off, and I honestly do not say things to intentionally make people mad.

Nevertheless, this is the truth. Most men, if they didn't have this sexual desire that women fulfill, would never get married. That's just how it is.

Unfortunately, I think too many women get their views of marriage from romance novels, chick flicks, and Disney. All of which portray an extremely unrealistic view of relationships. Then they get married, and end up disappointed.

Doesn't help when your high school sex ed teacher has you putting condoms on cucumbers.

I mean, cucumbers? Seriously?! Talk about raising false hopes.

well actually... that depends....

No . . . No, it really doesn't. They teach you to expect a cucumber, and then you get . . . a pickle. If you're lucky. A cocktail weiner, if you're not.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Seduction should not stop just because you are married.

True, but neither should communication. She's clearly got some sort of issue if she's saying, "No" so much, so why isn't SHE being proactive about it? Why doesn't she TELL him what the fucking problem is? Get some therapy? Something?

They're both 26 years old. Clearly they don't have the communication thing down yet.

Yeah, I think that's painfully obvious. I really would like to hear more about what preceded this.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Some people, including heteros, have long term relationships, years long and living together, without getting married. Lots of people, actually. So it does not necessarily mean that your partner is your husband or wife.

The supposed husband and wife in the OP are in their 20's. Being in your 20's and not interested in sex with your partner? Highly unlikely unless you are with the wrong person.

Actually, there are a lot of women out there, apparently, who don't care for sex. I personally think they have some sort of mental or emotional problem. Maybe they've been raised/socialized to be repressed.

Maybe they aren't repressed. Maybe they just value their freedom.

Their freedom from sex?

 

[Pogo]

Doesn't help when your high school sex ed teacher has you putting condoms on cucumbers.

I mean, cucumbers? Seriously?! Talk about raising false hopes.

well actually... that depends....

No . . . No, it really doesn't. They teach you to expect a cucumber, and then you get . . . a pickle. If you're lucky. A cocktail weiner, if you're not.

Well.... maybe you do...