Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[bripat9643]

As much as I love sex... I still totally agree with this. Marriage should be about so much more than that.

Of course it should be. However, that doesn't mean that sex isn't still important.

If, at the ripe old age of 26, my S.O. were to suddenly decide that sex was off the table, I'd be seriously considering whether the marriage was worth preserving as well.

It's one thing to "lose the spark" in middle age after having had a life and a bunch of kids together. Losing it before the marriage has even really started is another entirely.

I find it selfish that a man would divorce the woman he supposedly loves simply because she won't spread her legs for him. It really goes to show what you males think of marriage - a reason to bang the missus when you feel like it.

If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, then she doesn't love you,or she's got some serious emotional problems.

 

[Rikurzhen]

I find it selfish that a man would divorce the woman he supposedly loves simply because she won't spread her legs for him. It really goes to show what you males think of marriage - a reason to bang the missus when you feel like it.

And women divorce their husbands because they're bored or feel that something undefined is missing from their marriage.

 

[Noomi]

Bah and bleh. I am thoroughly disgusted.

And very aware of what some of the ....cough cough....."men" are like.

/unsub

My last boyfriend dumped me via text message because I wouldn't have sex with him. On our third date, mind.

Pathetic.

 

[Noomi]

Of course it should be. However, that doesn't mean that sex isn't still important.

If, at the ripe old age of 26, my S.O. were to suddenly decide that sex was off the table, I'd be seriously considering whether the marriage was worth preserving as well.

It's one thing to "lose the spark" in middle age after having had a life and a bunch of kids together. Losing it before the marriage has even really started is another entirely.

I find it selfish that a man would divorce the woman he supposedly loves simply because she won't spread her legs for him. It really goes to show what you males think of marriage - a reason to bang the missus when you feel like it.

If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, then she doesn't love you,or she's got some serious emotional problems.

Or the guy could be a jerk. Or didn't you consider that?

 

[dilloduck]

Bah and bleh. I am thoroughly disgusted.

And very aware of what some of the ....cough cough....."men" are like.

/unsub

My last boyfriend dumped me via text message because I wouldn't have sex with him. On our third date, mind.

Pathetic.

You obviously didn't like him enough for sex anyway----smart move on his part.

 

[PixieStix]

 

[Sgt_Gath]

Or the guy could be a jerk. Or didn't you consider that?

Then why did you marry him?

 

[dilloduck]

OH THE PAIN_-----some poor married ladies actually have sex........we need a support group for the poor things.

 

[Noomi]

Or the guy could be a jerk. Or didn't you consider that?

Then why did you marry him?

Looks can be deceiving.

 

[PixieStix]

Or the guy could be a jerk. Or didn't you consider that?

Then why did you marry him?

Looks can be deceiving.

You married a guy for his looks?

 

[Noomi]

Then why did you marry him?

Looks can be deceiving.

You married a guy for his looks?

I am not married, lol.

 

[Slyhunter]

Then why did you marry him?

Looks can be deceiving.

You married a guy for his looks?

I married a girl for her looks.
Most self centered self absorbed woman on the planet.
I'm divorced.

 

[Esmeralda]

I find it selfish that a man would divorce the woman he supposedly loves simply because she won't spread her legs for him. It really goes to show what you males think of marriage - a reason to bang the missus when you feel like it.

If she categorically refuses to be intimate with him, "love" wouldn't be the proper word to describe the dynamic in the first place.

I already have a mother, I already have sisters, and I already have platonic female friends.

Why on Earth would I want to be "married" to someone like that?

Someone like what? Why do men assume that if a woman isn't interested in sex with him, it is something wrong with her? Maybe he is a lousy husband, lousy lover etc. One of her 'excuses' notes that he is drunk. What if he is a drunk? Lazy, sloppy, smelly, a 60 second guy, boring, stupid, unromantic, etc. There are a million reasons she may have lost interest in making love with this guy. It is a two way street. I mean, men even suggest a woman is frigid because she doesn't want to have sex with them. Men like that need to be looking inwards to their sexual problems with women, not blaming the woman.

 

[Cecilie1200]

And....all those excuses on the spreadsheet? Sounds like mine. Until I had enough and just said NO.
I feel for that lady. Things must be really bad for her to post it herself. Maybe she just flat has nobody to talk to about it and that's why she did post it.

Still not sympathetic. They have people you can pay if you need someone to talk to. They're called "counselors", and it sounds like her marriage could use one.

Let me just say that it seems this whole topic touches a lot of people very closely. Me as well, but I'm not the least inclined to share details of the death of my marriage with this message board, so lets just stick with . . . I have very little sympathy for her. She made marital intimacy all about her and her own selfish myopia, and there's no excuse for that.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Yeah, and some folks thought I was a bitch too when he would announce what a cold fish I was, but they never saw my tears either.

I feel a great deal of sympathy for YOU, Gracie. This woman, however, doesn't appear to have been dealing with the same sort of issues you were at all, given her subsequent posts on the subject. She seems to have a lot more in common with my ex than she does with you.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my 'excuses,' using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 'attempts' on his part.

She needs to be a better bitch. Period.

He sounds very calculating. No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with him. He probably will send her an evaluation after the act, as to how her performance was. What a control freak.

What a dumb ass, women are slow cookers, not microwaves

Whichever appliance this broad is, she seems to be unplugged.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I didn't need an excuse. I just said NO and that was it. If he had his way, we would be doing it 6 times a day. Oh hayell no. About 12 years ago I said "That's it. I'm done". And I was.

(He was an alcoholic. By the time he finally got sober...it was too late. I love him..but I am not IN love with him. And thats that).

With us, it was the opposite. I was the one with the high sex drive, and he was the one who was usually saying, "Let's just cuddle." Now that we're divorced, he keeps wanting to get frisky, and I resent being put in the position of having to say, "That ship has sailed, dude." He's still my best friend, but I got over being attracted to him ages ago.

About a month after his first divorce (which was entirely amicable), my uncle got the surprise of his life when he found his ex in his bedroom. They had regular hookups until she got engaged about 3 years later.

He was invited to her wedding, and they're still in touch.

Oh, I'm not the least bit surprised. But I don't trust him in this arena. Years of getting worked up, only to have him decide he just doesn't feel sexy enough left me just flat-out uninterested. I literally cannot work up any more sexual attraction for him now than I could for my brother.

Interestingly, this was not the reason I divorced him. It was, however, endemic of the pattern that WAS the reason I divorced him. Basically, I woke up one morning and realized that I didn't have a husband; I had a roommate, and one I really didn't like living with very much. What relationship we had left would be exactly the same whether I lived in the same house or a separate one. As a matter of fact, the relationship has been friendlier since I moved out.

So yeah, I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you are refusing your partner a regular, intimate emotional connection with you (and that's what marital sex is, folks) for any reason other than serious physical ailment, you are failing your fucking marriage. I don't care what reason, rationalization, or excuse you've got. You are throwing your marriage away with both hands, and when it dies, it is going to be your fault. Period. Get off your ass, fix whatever needs fixing, spank your inner moppet, whatever you have to do.

 

[Cecilie1200]

With us, it was the opposite. I was the one with the high sex drive, and he was the one who was usually saying, "Let's just cuddle." Now that we're divorced, he keeps wanting to get frisky, and I resent being put in the position of having to say, "That ship has sailed, dude." He's still my best friend, but I got over being attracted to him ages ago.

Mine never wanted to just cuddle. Cuddle meant "fuck". If he touched me, it was not on the arm, or a quick hug or a pat on the hand in passing. Nope. His hand always went straight to my breast to knead, or on my crotch or aimed to my ass crack. I was a slab of meat and nothing more. And when I did relent, it was not me he was making love to. It was someone else in his fantasy land drunken stupor.
His best friend (the bottle) destroyed what little bit of love I had left and finally it was enough to kill it where there was not even a spark.
We are remarried. But we are just roommates. He is my best friend. Like my brother. If he wants sex....he knows he can go anywhere he wants to get it and I won't give a damn. Only rules I have are....don't bring her home and if he wants something more serious with whomever, TELL ME so I can make arrangements to leave. He has not brought anyone home....and he said he doesn't want me to leave. So...here I am.

Honestly...that sounds like one of the most toxic relationships possible.

Well, alcohol IS a poison, and just look how it can poison everything around it.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Think about it: "husband complains wife declines sex" is not a story.

So it's the spreadsheet that's got your panties all bunched up? If he had used NotePad and printed off a letter to her with all of the same information of date + excuse + outcome then you'd be fine with it?

Maybe he could use a little lesson in romancing her

Maybe she could use a little lesson in not being such a self-absorbed, demanding twat. "I don't feel sexy enough to reassure you that I still love you. How about you work even harder at convincing me, so you can REALLY feel unloved?" What a terrific notion. She blows off being a wife, so she should be bribed and rewarded into putting some effort into her marriage? God, if all women are such precious little spoiled princesses, maybe it's no wonder that most marriages end in divorces these days.

 

[Cecilie1200]

He sounds very calculating. No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with him. He probably will send her an evaluation after the act, as to how her performance was. What a control freak.

What a dumb ass, women are slow cookers, not microwaves

Yes, which is why she did not have sex with him.....Would you have sex with a computer? A spreadsheet?

Hey, it's what every woman wants --- to feel like an "X" on a graph of how many strokes are used on Wednesdays as compared to Mondays.
Nothing better to moisten the muffin. On your anniversary you get a powerpoint.

Exactly.....Who wants to have sex with such an uptight asshole?

Okay. Sooo... Apparently, neither of you are big fans of men with personalities which fall in more on the "rational" and "systematic" rather than "emotional" and "impulsive" side of the spectrum. Duly noted.

So what?

It doesn't change the fact that she apparently liked this guy well enough to date him for three years, and remain married to him for another two. It also doesn't change the fact that she has a certain responsibility to uphold her end of the relationship, and that she is currently miserably failing to do so.

She needs to get her act together or just let the guy go, IMO. She's clearly got some issues with the relationship that she's not making known.

I'm with you there. Piss or get off the frigging pot.