Rain Fever: An Insurance Demon

[Abishai100]

This is an insurance-parody I cooked up inspired by the film Joe Versus the Volcano.

Signing off,




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An insurance-salesman named Joe was selling lots and lots and lots and lots of insurance until suddenly one day it dawned on him that he was nothing more than a 'fear-merchant' (capitalizing on the paranoia of others to 'sell' security-blankets). Joe decided he was a 'victim' of Rain Fever (a psychosomatic condition best characterized as a natural emotional uneasiness feeling when standing in the rain). Every time Joe stood in the rain, he thought about his own unrequited yearning to be a more inspiring human being.



Joe decided to pack up and start a natural and more inspiring life-work --- being the manager of a farm in the American countryside! Joe raised pigs, egg-laying hens, horses, and cattle, and he had a solid food-supply contract with a local (major) grocer. Joe was much happier being a farmer than an insurance-salesman, and he even started believing his Rain Fever was completely gone. However, one cloudy day, Joe noticed that one of his pigs was looking very very very very cynical and realized his pig (Wilber) was a 'victim' of Rain Fever!



Joe decided to purchase a small Samsung HDTV for his living-room and would watch NFL football on Sunday afternoons with his favorite pig Wilber. Joe and Wilber 'resolved' to shoo away their Rain Fever by cheering themselves up with entertainment-programs on TV designed to soothe the 'savage beast.' They realized that NFL Sunday was the best 'ticket' (or cure!). Joe and Wilber watched NFL football every Sunday and simply tried to forget about their psychosomatic predisposition to feel basically 'cynical' about the shuffling-like behaviour of a myriad 'spirits/beings/creatures/people' mindlessly serving capitalism. Joe and Wilber started feeling 'cured' of Rain Fever.



One day a mean-looking old man knocked on Joe's door. The man introduced himself as Mr. Smith, and he explained to Joe that he was sent by the U.S. government to ensure that all American farmers living in the countryside were properly insured, lest any terrorism-related 'calamity' would affect their predisposition about being properly productive. Joe realized that Mr. Smith was nothing more than a 'messenger' (or minion!) of Rain Fever, so he quickly slammed his front door closed and kept it closed until Mr. Smith simply left. Joe and Wilber spent their final days feeling simply 'absolved' of Rain Fever.

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[The Professor]

In Florida where I live you can buy insurance to protect your home against almost anything. You can add a clause to protect it from fire, you can add a clause to protect it from floods, you can add a clause to protect it from winds, you can add a clause to protect it from earthquakes, but you can't insure your home against sand storms. The reason: there's no such thing as a Sandy Clause.

 

[xband]

I suffer Rain Arthritis but that is not debilitating. I don't need to watch the weather channel.

edit: In my salad years I suffered Asphalt Rheumatism.

 

[PoliticalChic]

In Florida where I live you can buy insurance to protect your home against almost anything. You can add a clause to protect it from fire, you can add a clause to protect it from floods, you can add a clause to protect it from winds, you can add a clause to protect it from earthquakes, but you can't insure your home against sand storms. The reason: there's no such thing as a Sandy Clause.

Youse is a funny guy, Prof!

 

[eflatminor]

Fear merchant?

Why don't you try starting a bank that loans money against properties with no insurance. Should work out beautifully...