ChrisL
Diamond Member
Thank you hon, but there is nothing that can be done. Right now, it is more mental. These storm systems, the crap we are dealing with, the knowledge that 30 years meant squat to those we thought would be of help, family that turned their backs, churches that said "no...Unless"...Rental prices, etc...It hit both of us night before last. I won't go into detail. Suffice it to say, karma stopped us both.
Prayers mean nothing. They are just empty words. Why would God listen to a bunch of people and not MY prayers? He wants a multitude of them or something? One is not enough?
Anyway...As you can see...I am not back "up" again. A "friend" told me to not give up. To hang in there. I've had enough of pep talks and prayers. What am I supposed to hang in for? Some magical promise of a maybe low income home because I am on a list with thousands of others? And what's to stop the managers of those apts from bumping us back because of a friend of a friend needs it more? Nothing, that's what.
A lot goes on I don't talk about here. No need to, anyway. Everything is corrupt and a lie. It's all lies. We know, because we are living it, and have done all we are supposed to do..For naught. Just more false hopes, more lies from those who claim to be government programs.
The USA is a lie. Veterans die for this country so the rich can stay rich. They come back and die in an alley in a cardboard box. Seniors, disabled, mentally ill....We are expendable. Let us die...Less air we take from them. And family? Bullshit. Money means more to them. Dollars are thicker than blood.
We have learned all this these past few months. We are living it. And "friends"? Yeah. Right. Those we have helped or treated as we wanted to be treated..Neighbors we built fences for with no charge, people we gave a hand up, business acquaintances we depended on over 30 years...Has any said "gosh, it is freezing tonight..Do you want to come in and sit by the fire?" Or "come on over and take a real shower with hot water?" Or "would you like to do a load of laundry?"....Nope. not one offer. The simple things. The human things. None forthcoming.
I hate it here now. It all meant nothing. But medical assistance is here. Nothing else, just that. Or we can move find a room, and never see another doctor. Decisions decisions.
Add that to the mental anguish of all these real truths of humanity that is lacking...You get two old, hurting, aching seniors who are ridiculed for "not thinking ahead" and it's our fault, or stop whining or worse ...Smiled at while being lied to because we trusted what they said.
Both of us no longer want to be here. We are done. There is no hope, no future, no promises. The only reason we are still here is due to an old dog that depends on us...Roof of a van or an overpass or a bush. Doesn't matter to her as long as she is with us. So, karma is our last lefeline. As long as she breathed..So do we. When she stops...So do we. It is now our pact, made in the middle of a cold storm of rain and wind...Two old people, one old dog.
I said more than I planned just now. Which is fine. I care naught anymore.
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Just remember, you are feeling down right now, and it's normal for you to feel this way considering your situation. Something is going to come up and things will get better. I wish there was something else I could say, but just keep the hope.