A Modest Proposal for a Culture of Civility

[Dim Bulb]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

 

[Mac1958]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

Bravo.

Looking at this problem from a cultural perspective, my guess is that it won't happen unless and until (1) "leaders" in our society - from all walks of life, from politics to religion to sports to pop culture - bravely lead the way, and throw down the gauntlet and challenge their supporters to behave more civilly, and (2) the more hateful and divisive voices on both ends of the spectrum are culturally marginalized as a result.

I may be naive here, but I think that could happen. It would just take a few brave souls to start the momentum. And the reason I think it will take "leaders", specifically, is because our culture is so quick to idolize and follow. We make "celebrities" out of nearly anyone, and their "endorsement" has tangible value.
.

 

[Anathema]

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable..

Then you, like Mr Reagan are not truly Conservative nor do you really believe in anything, as you are not willing to FIGHT for it. If you won't argue for it, you sure as Hell won't kill for it, and that's the determining factor in whether you truly believe in something or not.

 

[washamericom]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

i agree, 95 percent of life is local.

 

[Dim Bulb]

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable..

Then you, like Mr Reagan are not truly Conservative nor do you really believe in anything, as you are not willing to FIGHT for it. If you won't argue for it, you sure as Hell won't kill for it, and that's the determining factor in whether you truly believe in something or not.

Thank you for making my point for me.

 

[Ray From Cleveland]

You can't have civility in a country where nearly half oppose it.

Demorats continue segregating people into dozens of categories. Then they pick what category of people they like and what category of people they hate. How can you have civility with that?

It won't happen in my lifetime, but I hope we end up with a country where everybody is treated the same. No advantages or disadvantages.

 

[Mac1958]

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable..

Then you, like Mr Reagan are not truly Conservative nor do you really believe in anything, as you are not willing to FIGHT for it. If you won't argue for it, you sure as Hell won't kill for it, and that's the determining factor in whether you truly believe in something or not.

What you don't understand is that there are different ways to "fight" for something.

One way is to use reason and intelligence instead of anger and hyperbole.

True story!
.

 

[Dim Bulb]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

Bravo.

Looking at this problem from a cultural perspective, my guess is that it won't happen unless and until (1) "leaders" in our society - from all walks of life, from politics to religion to sports to pop culture - bravely lead the way, and throw down the gauntlet and challenge their supporters to behave more civilly, and (2) the more hateful and divisive voices on both ends of the spectrum are culturally marginalized as a result.

I may be naive here, but I think that could happen. It would just take a few brave souls to start the momentum. And the reason I think it will take "leaders", specifically, is because our culture is so quick to idolize and follow. We make "celebrities" out of nearly anyone, and their "endorsement" has tangible value.
.

Very good point. I think you are right, and I also think that we the people can force this more civil discourse. Someone down below said I'm not a conservative because I won't "fight." I have fought long and hard for the principles in which I believe, on a family level and on a work and macro level. I think, like Gandhi did, that "fight" takes many forms, and one of the strongest is non vitriol, non violent.

Having said that, when push comes to shove most of the men in my family have served in the Armed Forces (mostly Army) and we are willing to protect this country from its enemies. We just don't see our fellow Americans as those enemies. Fight outside your house, create civility within.

 

[Anathema]

Thank you for making my point for me.

You're welcome. Civility is a trait related to surrender and giving up, not winning. It's a waste of time and sets a bad precedent.

 

[Dim Bulb]

Thank you for making my point for me.

You're welcome. Civility is a trait related to surrender and giving up, not winning. It's a waste of time and sets a bad precedent.

It sounds like you believe civility is weakness. I respectfully disagree. The strongest cases are often those made the most quietly, with conviction and reason.

Do you feel that way when you talk to your son or daughter? Do you require them to fight with you so that you don't see them as weak?

 

[EvilCat Breath]

The country has divided into warring enemy camps. There is no civility toward the enemy in foxholes.

 

[MACAULAY]

Everybody is for, in theory:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

But, nobody follows it, certainly not anyone on a political message board safely behind an anonymous handle.

The fact is that this country is so divided that something will have to change for it to survive in tact.

There are two times in America where the country was so divided:

1) During the John Adams Administration and the fight between him and Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson ran against him, in part, because his Party in New England and New York (from whence the disagreements mostly emanate today) had passed the Sedition Act and were putting citizens in Jail for criticizing the Adams Government (Political Correctness has been around a long time--in the minds of those who think they are smarter than the rest of the Country).

Jefferson won; pardoned all the people who had been jailed for exercising their right to Freedom of Speech; then governed so fairly and justly that there dawned in America what has been called "The Era of Good Feelings".

2) The 1850's leading up to the Civil War.

How will it go this time?

No Civil War, but it doesn't look hopeful.

Its basically the Heartland against the Large Cities run by Democrats for half a Century.

Two Cultures that could hardly be more different.

So, I wish you well with the attempt at Civility, I hope you will succeed...but I am harassed by doubts..

_______________________________________

 

[Dim Bulb]

Everybody is for, in theory:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

But, nobody follows it, certainly not anyone on a political message board safely behind an anonymous handle.

The fact is that this country is so divided that something will have to change for it to survive in tact.

There are two times in America where the country was so divided:

1) During the John Adams Administration and the fight between him and Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson ran against him, in part, because his Party in New England and New York (from whence the disagreements mostly emanate today) had passed the Sedition Act and were putting citizens in Jail for criticizing the Adams Government (Political Correctness has been around a long time--in the minds of those who think they are smarter than the rest of the Country).

Jefferson won; pardoned all the people who had been jailed for exercising their right to Freedom of Speech; then governed so fairly and justly that there dawned in America what has been called "The Era of Good Feelings".

2) The 1850's leading up to the Civil War.

How will it go this time?

No Civil War, but it doesn't look hopeful.

Its basically the Heartland against the Large Cities run by Democrats for half a Century.

Two Cultures that could hardly be more different.

So, I wish you well with the attempt at Civility, I hope you will succeed...but I am harassed by doubts..

_______________________________________

Thanks for your response. My view is if we can accomplish civility on an anonymous bulletin board like this for even a brief time, think of what else we could do in this culture. These forums are the hardest places to start, which is why we should start here, imho.

 

[Frankeneinstein]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

That's why I don't curse or call names on the board, never get mad [you have already lost once you're mad] and do not let it get personal...I have so much more in common with democrats than republicans, but the left has very bad entitlement attitude issues...I was a part of the democratic party when it was great, did or tried to do all the right things, I have seen over the years it's loss of all principle that it once held dear all in the name of PC...republicans...exactly the same as they have always been...steady and poised in defeat, ruthless in victory.

 

[Anathema]

It sounds like you believe civility is weakness. I respectfully disagree. The strongest cases are often those made the most quietly, with conviction and reason.

I definitely see it as weakness. I'm not interested in convincing anyone of anything and never have been. That's not my job.

do you feel that way when you talk to your son or daughter? Do you require them to fight with you so that you don't see them as weak?

Children are a different issue. It is not a child's place to question their Parents. Their place is to learn Right and Wrong from their elders and go forth knowing and living under those ideals.

 

[miketx]

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable..

Then you, like Mr Reagan are not truly Conservative nor do you really believe in anything, as you are not willing to FIGHT for it. If you won't argue for it, you sure as Hell won't kill for it, and that's the determining factor in whether you truly believe in something or not.

Thank you for making my point for me.

Showing your true snowflake side, huh?

 

[Dim Bulb]

It sounds like you believe civility is weakness. I respectfully disagree. The strongest cases are often those made the most quietly, with conviction and reason.

I definitely see it as weakness. I'm not interested in convincing anyone of anything and never have been. That's not my job.

do you feel that way when you talk to your son or daughter? Do you require them to fight with you so that you don't see them as weak?

Children are a different issue. It is not a child's place to question their Parents. Their place is to learn Right and Wrong from their elders and go forth knowing and living under those ideals.

Thanks for your response. So if a citizen questions their government, that's okay, but a child que

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable..

Then you, like Mr Reagan are not truly Conservative nor do you really believe in anything, as you are not willing to FIGHT for it. If you won't argue for it, you sure as Hell won't kill for it, and that's the determining factor in whether you truly believe in something or not.

Thank you for making my point for me.

Showing your true snowflake side, huh?

Thank you for your response. I take it you'd rather engage in name calling than take responsibility for how we can all change the culture. That's your choice, and I respect it. But I think it's bad for America.

 

[Mr Natural]

I'm a conservative and I yearn for the time when people treated each other with respect, even when they had major disagreements over policy.

The way I think of it, we all are creating the culture of the US every day, in every interaction, in every post, in every discussion. It isn't someone "other" than us, it is us. How we relate to each other creates a patchwork or mosaic of our total culture. Its starts on this micro, one on one level, and it is repeated everywhere in the country until we create an overall culture of dialogue. Right now it isn't terribly pretty.

So I ask myself before I engage in conversation, "What kind of a country do I want to live in?" Do I want to live in a country in which it's okay to question my opponents sanity and/or "Real American" status? Do I want to live in a country where some of the vitriol that people spout at each other creates the culture?

No, I choose civility. If we all make the same choice in how we talk to each other, we can disagree, as Ronald Reagan said, without being disagreeable.

It starts with every small discussion, every post, every interaction. It's up to us, not anyone else. And it isn't "their" fault, whoever "they" might be to you. "They" are Americans too.

i agree, 95 percent of life is local.

At least 95 percent. Probably a lot higher.

 

[Dim Bulb]

It sounds like you believe civility is weakness. I respectfully disagree. The strongest cases are often those made the most quietly, with conviction and reason.

I definitely see it as weakness. I'm not interested in convincing anyone of anything and never have been. That's not my job.

do you feel that way when you talk to your son or daughter? Do you require them to fight with you so that you don't see them as weak?

Children are a different issue. It is not a child's place to question their Parents. Their place is to learn Right and Wrong from their elders and go forth knowing and living under those ideals.

So it's okay to fight except where you believe it's not okay to fight. I believe it's okay to disagree with anyone. The President (as I did vociferously on ACA), the Congress (as I did on raising the debt ceiling) and with the Supreme Court (as I did on Citizens United).

 

[Ray From Cleveland]

The country has divided into warring enemy camps. There is no civility toward the enemy in foxholes.

That's because there is no middle ground any longer. The right is pushing to go more right and the left is pushing to go more left.

Where is the middle-ground between constitutionalism and Communism?