Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[AVG-JOE]

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

Dear Joe:

Given the conceptual definition of "God", how could God have Her own "God"?

Who created God? And once we establish That, Who created That God?

And so on and so on?

Does God therefore look like this?

""


Or did She clone herself parthenogenically from a Holy Stem Cell?

And if She did create herSelf, what was her previous job? I mean how do we know She's even qualified? Does She have a Birth Certificate?

The answer to these questions is pretty involved...

I have provided a link: Religion and Ethics - US Message Board - Political Discussion Forum​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe,

Do you think that the death of Phil Everly is going to have a negative impact on the professional career of the Everly brothers, or will he just become a silent partner, sort of like Jan (of Jan and Dean) after his auto accident?

Phil's GONE?!?

​

 

[Statistikhengst]

Oh, noes!!!

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

If a 5 year old child sits down, examines the dirt in his fingernails and comes to the conclusion that an entire universe could be within that dirt and he had better not clean it off, cost what is will, is that five year old

a.) brillilant
b.) crazy as a bat
c.) Statistikhengst on a hot Middletown, OH day in 1968

???

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

Speaking of framistans, what do you think of this product? I'm watching one on eBay.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k9x2gUHbQs

Pogo,

Don't buy it. I bought one, and it shorted out the very first time I tried to fill the solenoid capacitor with coconut oil.

You can't just use OTC coconut oil! It has to be denaturized, homolgulated, priaxite coconut oil from Garbonzo palms grown on south, south west facing beaches. No wonder it shorted. The electronitic enzymological detractors would have underloaded and quadcoupled the enfragogulative transformers.

Still doesn't make it chop, bop, slice or dice.

`​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe;

I have a dachshund that likes to clean our living room carpet with his tongue every evening. Dust, dirt, sweaty feet secretions... everything.

Is this healthy for a dog?

No.

I know that it makes you feel funny, and that feeling gives you a boost in The 4F, but you need to stop wearing salami in your socks, Bro'.

 

[AVG-JOE]

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

I DID prove my point via logic.

That you failed to grasp it is on you. But there may be help for you: Ask Joe.

But, this time, try asking him the right question with the correct premises.

There's such a thing as a wrong question?


I did NOT know that!

 

[Vandalshandle]

I hate to have to say it, Joe, but Phil Everly just hasn't been himself since he died.....

 

[Pogo]

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

Sorry Bud...

Can't do it.​

If God is, I believe that She believes in Himself.

Astutely phrased. But begs another question ---

... Are we saying God is capable of anything, yet incapable of self-doubt?


For that matter, what kind of self-help Books are on God's Bookshelf?
What does God Read in general? Other than this thread?

 

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe,

If one and one make two, how is it that mommy (1) and daddy (1) make baby (3)? Math is so confusing.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If a tree fell in the forest, and there was no one there to hear it, would USMB members still argue?

(I'm still waiting to hear about the connection between Oprah and God. Thanks in advance. )

Yes, but they argue over pixels instead of paper, so the trees don't mind so much.


I don't think that there is a connection between Oprah and God. Other than the probability of Jimmy Hoffa having been a Catholic.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe:

How on Earth do you get a girl to go out with you?

I married her. I've had a date for every New Years since

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I just bought a Japanese made product with the following user instructions:

"Insert loving tip of Sensei Warrior into soft Lotus Flower in spring. Twist in the direction of the rising run. If not wet enough, insert again, but coax Lotus Flower into Kabuki position. 240 V"


So, can I use this electic shaver, or not?

translatingly yours,

Stat

Yes. But not on your face.

 

[Statistikhengst]

 

[AVG-JOE]

Pogo,

Don't buy it. I bought one, and it shorted out the very first time I tried to fill the solenoid capacitor with coconut oil.

You can't just use OTC coconut oil! It has to be denaturized, homolgulated, priaxite coconut oil from Garbonzo palms grown on south, south west facing beaches. No wonder it shorted. The electronitic enzymological detractors would have underloaded and quadcoupled the enfragogulative transformers.

Now you're just being impultuous.

You say that like it's a bad thing!​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

I DID prove my point via logic.

That you failed to grasp it is on you. But there may be help for you: Ask Joe.

But, this time, try asking him the right question with the correct premises.

Dear Joe:

What exactly ARE the right premises? If my key works in the door and all my stuff is here, am I not home?

Home is where the stuff is, and the way to a man's heart hangs just below his stomach!

 

[Statistikhengst]

I DID prove my point via logic.

That you failed to grasp it is on you. But there may be help for you: Ask Joe.

But, this time, try asking him the right question with the correct premises.

Dear Joe:

What exactly ARE the right premises? If my key works in the door and all my stuff is here, am I not home?

Home is where the stuff is, and the way to a man's heart hangs just below his stomach!

Well, I always the way to mine to be a little more to the south than that.

 

[Manonthestreet]

Hey Joe,
Are you related to the Great OZ? You present as a nebulous everyman, an AVG JOE behind a cyber curtain but who doesn't require supplicants to provide proof of worthiness yet you can almost see their elevation and wonder as they float away muttering to themselves " yes......YES ...it makes so much sense now.."

 

[AVG-JOE]

So where is Joe anyway?

He has a gigantic inbox.

You have no idea.

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe,

Who will help me bake this cake?

The Little Red Hen