Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[Geaux4it]

Joe Mama

Is there anything we can do to get the cheap ass traveler to stop bringing on roller-boards and crushing my swag?

Check that bag!

V/R
Zone 5 Passenger

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Joe

If God exists, do you think God would look more like Zeus, or a dragon?

Ass-U-Me-ing God exists, I'm going to guess God looks like everything and nothing at the same time. I think giving Him either Monkey or reptilian attributes would be seriously selling Him short. Ass-U-Me-ing He exists.

Dear Joe:

If God is a He, who is the Female that makes Him one by comparison?

Are they properly married, or living in Sin?

Joe,

Following up on Pogo's questions;

Who would have the authority to marry God and HER significant other?

Since God must be an Atheist by definition doesn't it make sense that all followers of God should do likewise and be Atheists too?

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Ass-U-Me-ing God exists, I'm going to guess God looks like everything and nothing at the same time. I think giving Him either Monkey or reptilian attributes would be seriously selling Him short. Ass-U-Me-ing He exists.

Dear Joe:

If God is a He, who is the Female that makes Him one by comparison?

Are they properly married, or living in Sin?

Joe,

Following up on Pogo's questions;

Who would have the authority to marry God and HER significant other?

Since God must be an Atheist by definition doesn't it make sense that all followers of God should do likewise and be Atheists too?

"We are joined together in the Sight of MySelf, today, to formally wed Me to My soon to be Wife!"

Why would an Almighty, Divine, Omniscient God "have" to (by definition or otherwise) be an atheist?

In fact, that makes zero sense. A God is not allowed by the laws of basic logic to believe in Himself? Why not?

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Joe:

If God is a He, who is the Female that makes Him one by comparison?

Are they properly married, or living in Sin?

Joe,

Following up on Pogo's questions;

Who would have the authority to marry God and HER significant other?

Since God must be an Atheist by definition doesn't it make sense that all followers of God should do likewise and be Atheists too?

"We are joined together in the Sight of MySelf, today, to formally wed Me to My soon to be Wife!"

Why would an Almighty, Divine, Omniscient God "have" to (by definition or otherwise) be an atheist?

In fact, that makes zero sense. A God is not allowed by the laws of basic logic to believe in Himself? Why not?

If God was omniscient then She would not need to believe in anything at all since the definition of omniscient is all knowing, therefore no belief is necessary. With absolute knowledge nothing needs to be taken "on trust" either. With absolute power there is no doubt that something cannot be accomplished.

So God has no need to believe in anything including Herself. Therefore She is an Atheist by all of the terms used to define Her.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Joe,

Following up on Pogo's questions;

Who would have the authority to marry God and HER significant other?

Since God must be an Atheist by definition doesn't it make sense that all followers of God should do likewise and be Atheists too?

"We are joined together in the Sight of MySelf, today, to formally wed Me to My soon to be Wife!"

Why would an Almighty, Divine, Omniscient God "have" to (by definition or otherwise) be an atheist?

In fact, that makes zero sense. A God is not allowed by the laws of basic logic to believe in Himself? Why not?

If God was omniscient then She would not need to believe in anything at all since the definition of omniscient is all knowing, therefore no belief is necessary. With absolute knowledge nothing needs to be taken "on trust" either. With absolute power there is no doubt that something cannot be accomplished.

So God has no need to believe in anything including Herself. Therefore She is an Atheist by all of the terms used to define Her.

Semantic silliness. I "Believe" that which I know.

God may do so as well.

(If I am bound by gravity to Earth and I drop the hammer, I not only "believe" it will fall down to the ground, I "know" it too.)

An atheist does not "believe" in God. But God may very well KNOW that He exists and therefore God rightly believes it. Thus, God is not an atheist.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

There is we presume no limit on God.

Ergo, if I can properly say, "I think, therefore I Am"; then so may God.

God is presumably very much Aware of His Own ability to think. Thus, God is in the position to know of His own Existence.

There is no logical reason that denies to Him (or to anybody else) the right and the ability to believe in the things He knows.

 

[Derideo_Te]

Ironic that you used the term "semantic silliness" and then proceeded to indulge in semantic silliness.

God is an Atheist because she can use Omnipotent Duct Tape to fix anything at any time She chooses.

 

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe,

Does 'God' look anything like Oprah Winfrey?

 

[percysunshine]

There is we presume no limit on God.

Ergo, if I can properly say, "I think, therefore I Am"; then so may God.

God is presumably very much Aware of His Own ability to think. Thus, God is in the position to know of His own Existence.

There is no logical reason that denies to Him (or to anybody else) the right and the ability to believe in the things He knows.

The only limit on an average joe, is Ann Landers....

From now on, I am going to remember this picture every time average joe posts something...

 

[Esmeralda]

She certainly has lovely hair.

 

[Pogo]

Dear Joe:

Okay. I bought this new doo-hicky a few days ago to go along with my whats-it. I don't have instructions but there's a what-cha-ma-call-it that's supposed to connect the doo-hicky to the whats-it but I don't have a what-cha-ma-call-it. I do, however, have a thing-a-ma-jig. Is there a way I can replace the what-cha-ma-call-it with the thing-a-ma-jig?

Signed, anxious in Denver

Yes indeed! Just order a flangheimer adapter from Acme Supply and hope that you have room on your chassis.

Just don't let [MENTION=19170]Coyote[/MENTION] help with the installation!

Dear Joe:

Speaking of framistans, what do you think of this product? I'm watching one on eBay.

""

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Ironic that you used the term "semantic silliness" and then proceeded to indulge in semantic silliness.

God is an Atheist because she can use Omnipotent Duct Tape to fix anything at any time She chooses.

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

 

[IlarMeilyr]

There is we presume no limit on God.

Ergo, if I can properly say, "I think, therefore I Am"; then so may God.

God is presumably very much Aware of His Own ability to think. Thus, God is in the position to know of His own Existence.

There is no logical reason that denies to Him (or to anybody else) the right and the ability to believe in the things He knows.

The only limit on an average joe, is Ann Landers....

From now on, I am going to remember this picture every time average joe posts something...

She spoke with a lisp.

I wonder if Joe does, too?

 

[Derideo_Te]

Ironic that you used the term "semantic silliness" and then proceeded to indulge in semantic silliness.

God is an Atheist because she can use Omnipotent Duct Tape to fix anything at any time She chooses.

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

 

[Pogo]

Ironic that you used the term "semantic silliness" and then proceeded to indulge in semantic silliness.

God is an Atheist because she can use Omnipotent Duct Tape to fix anything at any time She chooses.

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

Dear Joe:

Given the conceptual definition of "God", how could God have Her own "God"?

Who created God? And once we establish That, Who created That God?

And so on and so on?

Does God therefore look like this?

""


Or did She clone herself parthenogenically from a Holy Stem Cell?

And if She did create herSelf, what was her previous job? I mean how do we know She's even qualified? Does She have a Birth Certificate?

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe:

Okay. I bought this new doo-hicky a few days ago to go along with my whats-it. I don't have instructions but there's a what-cha-ma-call-it that's supposed to connect the doo-hicky to the whats-it but I don't have a what-cha-ma-call-it. I do, however, have a thing-a-ma-jig. Is there a way I can replace the what-cha-ma-call-it with the thing-a-ma-jig?

Signed, anxious in Denver

Yes indeed! Just order a flangheimer adapter from Acme Supply and hope that you have room on your chassis.

Just don't let [MENTION=19170]Coyote[/MENTION] help with the installation!

Dear Joe:

Speaking of framistans, what do you think of this product? I'm watching one on eBay.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k9x2gUHbQs"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k9x2gUHbQs[/ame]

Pogo,

Don't buy it. I bought one, and it shorted out the very first time I tried to fill the solenoid capacitor with coconut oil.

 

[Vandalshandle]

Joe,

Do you think that the death of Phil Everly is going to have a negative impact on the professional career of the Everly brothers, or will he just become a silent partner, sort of like Jan (of Jan and Dean) after his auto accident?

 

[Derideo_Te]

Yes indeed! Just order a flangheimer adapter from Acme Supply and hope that you have room on your chassis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGlBIod-cPg
Just don't let [MENTION=19170]Coyote[/MENTION] help with the installation!

Dear Joe:

Speaking of framistans, what do you think of this product? I'm watching one on eBay.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k9x2gUHbQs"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k9x2gUHbQs[/ame]

Pogo,

Don't buy it. I bought one, and it shorted out the very first time I tried to fill the solenoid capacitor with coconut oil.

You can't just use OTC coconut oil! It has to be denaturized, homolgulated, priaxite coconut oil from Garbonzo palms grown on south, south west facing beaches. No wonder it shorted. The electronitic enzymological detractors would have underloaded and quadcoupled the enfragogulative transformers.

 

[percysunshine]

Dear Joe;

I have a dachshund that likes to clean our living room carpet with his tongue every evening. Dust, dirt, sweaty feet secretions... everything.

Is this healthy for a dog?

 

[IlarMeilyr]

Ironic that you used the term "semantic silliness" and then proceeded to indulge in semantic silliness.

God is an Atheist because she can use Omnipotent Duct Tape to fix anything at any time She chooses.

I was merely extending your semantic silliness, but doing it by resort to logic.

And the fact that I am right is established by your implicit concession.

If you doubt this, just ask Joe.

Joe,

Ilar still has doubts that he can "logically" prove his point. Please be so kind as to explain logically that God (if she existed) would be an Atheist given all of the current terms that are used to describe her.

TYIA
on the Jersey Shore.

I DID prove my point via logic.

That you failed to grasp it is on you. But there may be help for you: Ask Joe.

But, this time, try asking him the right question with the correct premises.