Child Support is unfair

[Katzndogz]

That is my point.

The women here arent understanding that fact.

The women here have raised/are raising kids despite the fact that the kids' dads are dead beats. You'll excuse us if we look askance at non-custodial fathers who are complaining about how child support is spent, because we've heard those complaints a lot, and they usually come from men who either don't pay, or wouldn't pay anything at all if their feet weren't held to the coals.

Excuse me while I bust out my Tom Lyekis 101

Nobody asked the women here to open their legs and get pregnant. If you got pregnant to a deadbeat man, thats your fault. If condom or birth control fails thats your fault, especially if it wasnt planned.

All I am saying is the woman has no right to accept money given in the interest of the child to spend it on herself therefore, if such is the case and it is, the state should track it like an EBT and document how monies are spent.

What part are you not understanding?

The part that says LEGALLY her RIGHT is to spend it on anything she likes. You are not accepting the fact that child support is ordered by the court for the respondent to pay to the petitioner the sum of whatever it is. You may WISH that the state track it to document how the money is spent but there is nothing that mandates this be done. None.

Some states do not permit direct payment. In some states all child support goes to the state and the state sends the child support. In some states if mother is receiving state aid the child support goes to the state who then distributes the child support. In no case, whatsoever, even when paid directly by the state is there any tracking to make sure child support is used solely for the child. There is no tracking that makes sure the specific money paid to the state is used specifically for that child because money is fungible.

You just don't like it. You wish it were different. But it's not different so suck it up.

 

[Aristotle]

This is to help Katz out

What Is Child Support - Child Support Order | Lawyers.com

 

[High_Gravity]

The women here have raised/are raising kids despite the fact that the kids' dads are dead beats. You'll excuse us if we look askance at non-custodial fathers who are complaining about how child support is spent, because we've heard those complaints a lot, and they usually come from men who either don't pay, or wouldn't pay anything at all if their feet weren't held to the coals.

Excuse me while I bust out my Tom Lyekis 101

Nobody asked the women here to open their legs and get pregnant. If you got pregnant to a deadbeat man, thats your fault. If condom or birth control fails thats your fault, especially if it wasnt planned.

All I am saying is the woman has no right to accept money given in the interest of the child to spend it on herself therefore, if such is the case and it is, the state should track it like an EBT and document how monies are spent.

What part are you not understanding?

The part that says LEGALLY her RIGHT is to spend it on anything she likes. You are not accepting the fact that child support is ordered by the court for the respondent to pay to the petitioner the sum of whatever it is. You may WISH that the state track it to document how the money is spent but there is nothing that mandates this be done. None.

Some states do not permit direct payment. In some states all child support goes to the state and the state sends the child support. In some states if mother is receiving state aid the child support goes to the state who then distributes the child support. In no case, whatsoever, even when paid directly by the state is there any tracking to make sure child support is used solely for the child. There is no tracking that makes sure the specific money paid to the state is used specifically for that child because money is fungible.

You just don't like it. You wish it were different. But it's not different so suck it up.

Thats fine but we should still be able to talk about it for discussion.

 

[Luissa]

$1000 is fine but does the father even have the money though? thats my thing the child support figure has to be realistic, if I don't make that much money I couldn't give you $1000 a month even if I wanted to.

I don't know about a 1000 but the father should get a job where he can pay his share. I do not feel bad for my child's father when he can't pay the little he has to. We do what we need to do to take care of our responsibilities.
You think I do what I dreamed to do? Or work overtime because I like it? I do this and my child's father gets to party his life away. So I don't feel bad for him when he has to pay his support and has nothing much left over. He should get a second job or a better one.

Getting a better job isn't really a choice, its hard to even find a decent steady job right now. I guess the amount is different for everyone, what exactly is the "fair share"?

Get two jobs then. Work at McDonalds, work a weekend job. Right now because my kid's dad is too good for jobs like McDonalds I got about 13 bucks this month because he can't pay both me and the other mom. Of course she gets more money because she lives off the government.
I work a crappy job but it pays the bills, and I work overtime when I can. I don't see him or the other mom doing that.

Fair share would be near half of what I pay for my son a month. I would be happy with a 1/3. I used to not care about the money but since he hasn't seen him in over six months, his family never sees my son either, and the fact he can't seem to earn enough to pay the 73 he is suppose to pay me a month, I stopped feeling bad for the loser.

My dad paid his child support and covered my brothers and sisters medical no problem. And when he lost his job, he got two jobs so he could keep supporting them. He also didn't have to have the state take it out of his pay check. He also saw them often even with them living across the state. I doubt my dad ever bitched about it being fair or not.

 

[Luissa]

This is to help Katz out

What Is Child Support - Child Support Order | Lawyers.com

Are you a single parent raising a child on your own?

 

[koshergrl]

No, he's a divorced father who wants to control how his ex spends the child support she receives.

 

[High_Gravity]

I don't know about a 1000 but the father should get a job where he can pay his share. I do not feel bad for my child's father when he can't pay the little he has to. We do what we need to do to take care of our responsibilities.
You think I do what I dreamed to do? Or work overtime because I like it? I do this and my child's father gets to party his life away. So I don't feel bad for him when he has to pay his support and has nothing much left over. He should get a second job or a better one.

Getting a better job isn't really a choice, its hard to even find a decent steady job right now. I guess the amount is different for everyone, what exactly is the "fair share"?

Get two jobs then. Work at McDonalds, work a weekend job. Right now because my kid's dad is too good for jobs like McDonalds I got about 13 bucks this month because he can't pay both me and the other mom. Of course she gets more money because she lives off the government.
I work a crappy job but it pays the bills, and I work overtime when I can. I don't see him or the other mom doing that.

Fair share would be near half of what I pay for my son a month. I would be happy with a 1/3. I used to not care about the money but since he hasn't seen him in over six months, his family never sees my son either, and the fact he can't seem to earn enough to pay the 73 he is suppose to pay me a month, I stopped feeling bad for the loser.

My dad paid his child support and covered my brothers and sisters medical no problem. And when he lost his job, he got two jobs so he could keep supporting them. He also didn't have to have the state take it out of his pay check. He also saw them often even with them living across the state. I doubt my dad ever bitched about it being fair or not.

I am sorry you are going through that, everyones situation is different here. I sent you a PM on this.

 

[Katzndogz]

Excuse me while I bust out my Tom Lyekis 101

Nobody asked the women here to open their legs and get pregnant. If you got pregnant to a deadbeat man, thats your fault. If condom or birth control fails thats your fault, especially if it wasnt planned.

All I am saying is the woman has no right to accept money given in the interest of the child to spend it on herself therefore, if such is the case and it is, the state should track it like an EBT and document how monies are spent.

What part are you not understanding?

The part that says LEGALLY her RIGHT is to spend it on anything she likes. You are not accepting the fact that child support is ordered by the court for the respondent to pay to the petitioner the sum of whatever it is. You may WISH that the state track it to document how the money is spent but there is nothing that mandates this be done. None.

Some states do not permit direct payment. In some states all child support goes to the state and the state sends the child support. In some states if mother is receiving state aid the child support goes to the state who then distributes the child support. In no case, whatsoever, even when paid directly by the state is there any tracking to make sure child support is used solely for the child. There is no tracking that makes sure the specific money paid to the state is used specifically for that child because money is fungible.

You just don't like it. You wish it were different. But it's not different so suck it up.

Thats fine but we should still be able to talk about it for discussion.

The discussion isn't that mothers are required to use child support solely for the benefit of the child. The discussion is then how fucked up the law is that doesn't put any restrictions on how the money is spent. It's a different discussion.

I must have had this same discussion thousands of times. It's almost impossible to inject reality into a family law situation. Spouses just don't get it. Because they don't get it, they get confused that the law doesn't at all work the way they think it should. It causes way too much pain as non custodial parents realize that the money they pay might well be used for purposes having nothing to do with their child.

 

[High_Gravity]

The part that says LEGALLY her RIGHT is to spend it on anything she likes. You are not accepting the fact that child support is ordered by the court for the respondent to pay to the petitioner the sum of whatever it is. You may WISH that the state track it to document how the money is spent but there is nothing that mandates this be done. None.

Some states do not permit direct payment. In some states all child support goes to the state and the state sends the child support. In some states if mother is receiving state aid the child support goes to the state who then distributes the child support. In no case, whatsoever, even when paid directly by the state is there any tracking to make sure child support is used solely for the child. There is no tracking that makes sure the specific money paid to the state is used specifically for that child because money is fungible.

You just don't like it. You wish it were different. But it's not different so suck it up.

Thats fine but we should still be able to talk about it for discussion.

The discussion isn't that mothers are required to use child support solely for the benefit of the child. The discussion is then how fucked up the law is that doesn't put any restrictions on how the money is spent. It's a different discussion.

I must have had this same discussion thousands of times. It's almost impossible to inject reality into a family law situation. Spouses just don't get it. Because they don't get it, they get confused that the law doesn't at all work the way they think it should. It causes way too much pain as non custodial parents realize that the money they pay might well be used for purposes having nothing to do with their child.

This conversation makes me just want to go get a vasectomy to avoid these kinds of situationd altogether to be honest.

 

[Katzndogz]

IF you are paying an unfair amount of child support because you aren't making as much money as you did or you lost your job, then your obligation is to go back to court and modify the original child support order. Don't sit around and take it. Change it. The Judge will open up the child support calculator from the computer on his bench, put in the new figures and as if by magic, you will get a new child support order.

 

[koshergrl]

Good. Think very carefully before you sleep with people, and don't move women into your house without considering what it will be like if they have care and control of future children.

 

[Luissa]

Getting a better job isn't really a choice, its hard to even find a decent steady job right now. I guess the amount is different for everyone, what exactly is the "fair share"?

Get two jobs then. Work at McDonalds, work a weekend job. Right now because my kid's dad is too good for jobs like McDonalds I got about 13 bucks this month because he can't pay both me and the other mom. Of course she gets more money because she lives off the government.
I work a crappy job but it pays the bills, and I work overtime when I can. I don't see him or the other mom doing that.

Fair share would be near half of what I pay for my son a month. I would be happy with a 1/3. I used to not care about the money but since he hasn't seen him in over six months, his family never sees my son either, and the fact he can't seem to earn enough to pay the 73 he is suppose to pay me a month, I stopped feeling bad for the loser.

My dad paid his child support and covered my brothers and sisters medical no problem. And when he lost his job, he got two jobs so he could keep supporting them. He also didn't have to have the state take it out of his pay check. He also saw them often even with them living across the state. I doubt my dad ever bitched about it being fair or not.

I am sorry you are going through that, everyones situation is different here. I sent you a PM on this.

I understand everyone's situation is different. And some dad's do have to pay a lot. I just don't feel bad for the ones who are paying a reasonable amount and bitch about it.

 

[Luissa]

IF you are paying an unfair amount of child support because you aren't making as much money as you did or you lost your job, then your obligation is to go back to court and modify the original child support order. Don't sit around and take it. Change it. The Judge will open up the child support calculator from the computer on his bench, put in the new figures and as if by magic, you will get a new child support order.

I think that is fine if they are still working, or trying to bring in a certain income. If they are not they need to get two jobs.

 

[Katzndogz]

Thats fine but we should still be able to talk about it for discussion.

The discussion isn't that mothers are required to use child support solely for the benefit of the child. The discussion is then how fucked up the law is that doesn't put any restrictions on how the money is spent. It's a different discussion.

I must have had this same discussion thousands of times. It's almost impossible to inject reality into a family law situation. Spouses just don't get it. Because they don't get it, they get confused that the law doesn't at all work the way they think it should. It causes way too much pain as non custodial parents realize that the money they pay might well be used for purposes having nothing to do with their child.

This conversation makes me just want to go get a vasectomy to avoid these kinds of situationd altogether to be honest.

One of my clients was being dinged for child support. At 23, he had five children by four women. He was on his way to being another Octodad! I sat him down, put him through the numbers as a counter worker at McDonalds, including salary increases and promotions with projections for the next eighteen years for just the five children he already had. The poor boy had no future, but he did go down and get a vasectomy.

 

[Katzndogz]

IF you are paying an unfair amount of child support because you aren't making as much money as you did or you lost your job, then your obligation is to go back to court and modify the original child support order. Don't sit around and take it. Change it. The Judge will open up the child support calculator from the computer on his bench, put in the new figures and as if by magic, you will get a new child support order.

I think that is fine if they are still working, or trying to bring in a certain income. If they are not they need to get two jobs.

Get two jobs, and have mom go right back to court to modify the child support upwards because Dad is now working two jobs.

 

[jillian]

IF you are paying an unfair amount of child support because you aren't making as much money as you did or you lost your job, then your obligation is to go back to court and modify the original child support order. Don't sit around and take it. Change it. The Judge will open up the child support calculator from the computer on his bench, put in the new figures and as if by magic, you will get a new child support order.

I think that is fine if they are still working, or trying to bring in a certain income. If they are not they need to get two jobs.

Get two jobs, and have mom go right back to court to modify the child support upwards because Dad is now working two jobs.

if dad is making more money he SHOULD pay more. no?

same as if he's making less money he should pay less money.

i'm not sure i see a problem there.

 

[High_Gravity]

Good. Think very carefully before you sleep with people, and don't move women into your house without considering what it will be like if they have care and control of future children.

Damn good point.

 

[High_Gravity]

The discussion isn't that mothers are required to use child support solely for the benefit of the child. The discussion is then how fucked up the law is that doesn't put any restrictions on how the money is spent. It's a different discussion.

I must have had this same discussion thousands of times. It's almost impossible to inject reality into a family law situation. Spouses just don't get it. Because they don't get it, they get confused that the law doesn't at all work the way they think it should. It causes way too much pain as non custodial parents realize that the money they pay might well be used for purposes having nothing to do with their child.

This conversation makes me just want to go get a vasectomy to avoid these kinds of situationd altogether to be honest.

One of my clients was being dinged for child support. At 23, he had five children by four women. He was on his way to being another Octodad! I sat him down, put him through the numbers as a counter worker at McDonalds, including salary increases and promotions with projections for the next eighteen years for just the five children he already had. The poor boy had no future, but he did go down and get a vasectomy.

See by the time he figured it out his life was pretty much over. This is a very eye opening experience to go through all at once.

 

[jillian]

Good. Think very carefully before you sleep with people, and don't move women into your house without considering what it will be like if they have care and control of future children.

stop it allie... not everything in life is doing lifetime penance for mistakes we may have made.

the world has never appreciated martyrs... especially when the martyrdom is self-inflicted.

you have this bizarre idea that we're supposed to suffer for everything.

why?

 

[koshergrl]

You just really can't abide by the premise of the CDZ, can you, jillian...