In 2016... What the hell does "Gay" even mean?

[Asclepias]

While I believe sexual attraction can change over time, you seem to be equating who a person is with at the moment to their sexual orientation.

If a person is attracted to only the opposite sex, they are heterosexual. If a person is only attracted to the same sex, they are homosexual. If a person is attracted to both sexes, they are bisexual. Those are the basic definitions.

Things get more complicated with differing gender identities, but I'm trying to keep it simple both because it's easier to talk about and because I'm not well informed about a lot of recent terms for sexuality and gender identity.

No, I said "At what point do they become "gay"? If they like it but went back to their girlfriends when they got out, were they ever gay?"

There are straight guys that went to prison and came out gay and stayed that way. At what point did they become "gay"? Like I said I don't care what people call themselves, a man is always a man and homosexual acts are what they are. No need to mind read.

The point at which a person is not attracted to the opposite sex but is attracted to the same sex is the point at which they are gay.

It's hard to give a definitive answer about specific individuals because no one else can know what they are thinking and feeling. It's not about a particular act, it is about that person's attraction to the genders, and only that person knows the truth about who they are attracted to (if they even realize it themselves).

You seem to be looking for an answer along the lines of "When you have intercourse with a member of the opposite sex you are gay", but that isn't how it works. Again, if a person is attracted to members of their own gender but not to members of the opposite gender, they are gay, at whatever point that is true.

Ice is trying to work out his feelings regarding his sexual orientation on the sly just like Boss. No one is really that dumb about what gay means.

 

[NLT]

Gay = homosexual = mdk
Faggot= Statistikhengst
Lesbian= Jodey Foster
Bulldyke= bodecea Seawytch @skydancer

 

[Boss]

In other words, you don't find them sexually attractive, you instead recognize their sexual attractiveness to others.

The phrase 'I find so-and-so sexually attractive' is saying that the person is good-looking to you; the person has qualities you look for in a sexual partner; the person arouses you. 'I find' makes it about what you personally think of the person.

If you actually read what I've been saying to you you'd know that nothing I've said means you cannot see a difference in the looks of two men. However, if you don't consider either man desirable, you find neither one sexually attractive.

Let's look at the Mona Lisa. If you don't particularly care for the painting, but you recognize things about it that others are impressed by, would you say you find it beautiful? Of course not. You might say you can see why others find it beautiful, but you wouldn't say that you find it beautiful. This is the same kind of situation. You don't find the men sexually attractive, but you can see why others do.

What is so difficult to understand here?

You're getting what I am saying and you're not. Finding someone desirable is not the same as finding them sexually attractive. If I say that someone is sexually attractive it doesn't mean I desire them. It simply means I recognize the qualities in them that make them sexually attractive to those who desire them. Saying that I find them sexually attractive doesn't mean I am attracted to them sexually. This is true whether it's a man or woman.

I wish some women would weigh in here, I would like to hear their thoughts. I don't think they have as big of a problem recognizing the sexual attractiveness of other women and I don't think they believe it makes them lesbians. I also think they can look at a man and find him sexually attractive without it meaning they want to fuck him. So why is it that this seems to be such a problem for males?

I logged on today to read about a half a page of the same childish insults directed toward me from other guys who somehow believe I am gay or bi. I've never had any desire to be sexual with another man in my life. I've never been confused about it, I don't ever think about it or wonder what it would be like, I don't find sexually attractive men arousing. Then we have the crude remarks about "take it up the ass" or "you suck cock or you don't" and I believe this dovetails with my earlier point.... "GAY" has come to be a vehicle by which we can denigrate, insult, ridicule, condemn, criticize, demean or use against others to segregate them from the norm.

There are no real parameters that make someone gay, partially-gay, kinda-gay, full-on-gay or semi-gay, it's all a matter of opinion and self-identity. It can mean you are attracted to the same gender or it can mean you are engaging in homosexual acts. Hell, I am getting called 'gay' for simply recognizing another man is sexually attractive.

 

[Boss]

Ice is trying to work out his feelings regarding his sexual orientation on the sly just like Boss. No one is really that dumb about what gay means.

Again, all you seem to be doing is interjecting your homophobic bigotry. Trying to insult people and denigrate them by being a cyber bully. You're making it very clear what "gay" means to you... it's a way for you to intimidate and insult others. You're so afraid of being labeled "gay" that you're in complete denial of simple nature. You are such a homophobe you can't even admit another man is sexually attractive... you want to claim you don't recognize it. When it's pointed out that you must be able to recognize it in order to make yourself sexually attractive to females, you pretend you're some kind of fucking Adonis and never had to try.

 

[Boss]

If a person is attracted to only the opposite sex, they are heterosexual. If a person is only attracted to the same sex, they are homosexual. If a person is attracted to both sexes, they are bisexual. Those are the basic definitions.

So there are no truly gay women unless they are virgins? Because, if a woman has ever been sexually attracted to a guy, you're saying she is bisexual and not homosexual.

And thanks, Dr. Phil. for the basic definitions none of us were aware of. Don't know what we'd do without you! I mean, I've been wondering my whole life about this and now you've explained it!

 

[Asclepias]

Ice is trying to work out his feelings regarding his sexual orientation on the sly just like Boss. No one is really that dumb about what gay means.

Again, all you seem to be doing is interjecting your homophobic bigotry. Trying to insult people and denigrate them by being a cyber bully. You're making it very clear what "gay" means to you... it's a way for you to intimidate and insult others. You're so afraid of being labeled "gay" that you're in complete denial of simple nature. You are such a homophobe you can't even admit another man is sexually attractive... you want to claim you don't recognize it. When it's pointed out that you must be able to recognize it in order to make yourself sexually attractive to females, you pretend you're some kind of fucking Adonis and never had to try.

Gay means homosexual. Thats all it means to me. Youre confused about your sexual orientation if you feel another man is sexually attractive and trying to pretend its natural. If your intimidated thats your issue. How would thinking another guy was sexually attractive help me attract a woman? Adonis was a white guy and I am Black. I'm pretty sure I look better than Adonis.

 

[Boss]

...trying to work out his feelings regarding his sexual orientation on the sly just like Boss.

Hey, at 56 years old, if you haven't worked that out...what's the point?

 

[Montrovant]

If a person is attracted to only the opposite sex, they are heterosexual. If a person is only attracted to the same sex, they are homosexual. If a person is attracted to both sexes, they are bisexual. Those are the basic definitions.

So there are no truly gay women unless they are virgins? Because, if a woman has ever been sexually attracted to a guy, you're saying she is bisexual and not homosexual.

And thanks, Dr. Phil. for the basic definitions none of us were aware of. Don't know what we'd do without you! I mean, I've been wondering my whole life about this and now you've explained it!

When someone starts asking what it means to be gay, or at what point a person is gay or straight, providing answers to that seems appropriate. You, apparently, think that doing so calls for being a sarcastic asshole.

Maybe if you didn't start a thread asking what gay means you wouldn't see people providing definitions of sexual orientations.

If you know what it means to be gay, why the thread? If you don't, why be a dick when an answer is provided?

 

[Montrovant]

If a person is attracted to only the opposite sex, they are heterosexual. If a person is only attracted to the same sex, they are homosexual. If a person is attracted to both sexes, they are bisexual. Those are the basic definitions.

So there are no truly gay women unless they are virgins? Because, if a woman has ever been sexually attracted to a guy, you're saying she is bisexual and not homosexual.

And thanks, Dr. Phil. for the basic definitions none of us were aware of. Don't know what we'd do without you! I mean, I've been wondering my whole life about this and now you've explained it!

What does being a virgin have to do with anything? You realize that one can be sexually attracted to a person without having sex with them, don't you?

I was pretty clear. If a woman is only attracted to other women, she is gay. If she has been attracted to men in the past, but no longer is, then she still fits the qualifications of being gay. I never said anything about 'if a person has ever'. That's you making things up.

For someone who feels the need to try and make fun of me providing simple definitions of basic sexual orientations, you sure don't seem able to grasp what they mean.

 

[Montrovant]

In other words, you don't find them sexually attractive, you instead recognize their sexual attractiveness to others.

The phrase 'I find so-and-so sexually attractive' is saying that the person is good-looking to you; the person has qualities you look for in a sexual partner; the person arouses you. 'I find' makes it about what you personally think of the person.

If you actually read what I've been saying to you you'd know that nothing I've said means you cannot see a difference in the looks of two men. However, if you don't consider either man desirable, you find neither one sexually attractive.

Let's look at the Mona Lisa. If you don't particularly care for the painting, but you recognize things about it that others are impressed by, would you say you find it beautiful? Of course not. You might say you can see why others find it beautiful, but you wouldn't say that you find it beautiful. This is the same kind of situation. You don't find the men sexually attractive, but you can see why others do.

What is so difficult to understand here?

You're getting what I am saying and you're not. Finding someone desirable is not the same as finding them sexually attractive. If I say that someone is sexually attractive it doesn't mean I desire them. It simply means I recognize the qualities in them that make them sexually attractive to those who desire them. Saying that I find them sexually attractive doesn't mean I am attracted to them sexually. This is true whether it's a man or woman.

I wish some women would weigh in here, I would like to hear their thoughts. I don't think they have as big of a problem recognizing the sexual attractiveness of other women and I don't think they believe it makes them lesbians. I also think they can look at a man and find him sexually attractive without it meaning they want to fuck him. So why is it that this seems to be such a problem for males?

I logged on today to read about a half a page of the same childish insults directed toward me from other guys who somehow believe I am gay or bi. I've never had any desire to be sexual with another man in my life. I've never been confused about it, I don't ever think about it or wonder what it would be like, I don't find sexually attractive men arousing. Then we have the crude remarks about "take it up the ass" or "you suck cock or you don't" and I believe this dovetails with my earlier point.... "GAY" has come to be a vehicle by which we can denigrate, insult, ridicule, condemn, criticize, demean or use against others to segregate them from the norm.

There are no real parameters that make someone gay, partially-gay, kinda-gay, full-on-gay or semi-gay, it's all a matter of opinion and self-identity. It can mean you are attracted to the same gender or it can mean you are engaging in homosexual acts. Hell, I am getting called 'gay' for simply recognizing another man is sexually attractive.

Clearly we disagree about what it means to say you find someone sexually attractive. I am pretty confident that Asclepias uses the same meaning I do, and that is why he continues to question your sexuality (seriously or in jest).

 

[JustAnotherNut]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

Who said anything was wrong with it? I just find it odd that he would find another man sexually attractive and not be gay or bi. Yes I remember when gay meant happy. I never heard the word queer until I was on this site.

Really? What about fag or faggot? All terms used to indicate a homosexual up to around late 70's, early 80's maybe?

Really. Yes I have heard fag. We would call people that all the time to make fun of them.

yes, I (we) have done the same..........but did you also know the term 'fag' is or was used in UK for cigarette? just askin

To the OP, I can understand your dilemma over this, because the term is being used in a broad sense like an 'umbrella'. There is differences between sexual identity (man trapped in a womans body & visa versa) and sexual preferences(being sexually attracted to same gender) and whatever other myriad differences people keep coming up with that center around 'themselves' in a sexual context. There are huge differences to each, but are grouped under the 'gay' label.
Some people are just too closed minded in that respect & think everything is either black or white & not willing to acknowledge any gray areas.

There are some who just like to play or pretend to either dress up or act on some urges, yet at the end of the day are still hetero. Somehow living out those fantasies even in small ways, makes them feel better for whatever psychological reason, but when it comes right down to it, the opposite gender is what makes them orgasmic. Just because a man likes the feel of satin or silk on his skin or a woman likes denim, doesn't really qualify them as being 'gay', they just have a higher sensitivity for touch.
I've also seen a few men who are 'effeminate' in many ways, enough to make you wonder, yet they still are aroused by women. And the same in reverse. Are they gay? NO.....but many think so & classify them as such.

I'm a woman, I can look at another woman's body and my mind may even think of sex because of it, but one thing is for sure she just isn't built with the right equipment. Does that make me lesbian? Or bi? I don't think so because if I were to see a gorgeous hunk of a guy and a 'sexy' woman side by side....I'm going for the guy thank you and not have second thoughts about her.
These all may be 'fine lines', but are very important factors when determining what is really gay or not

 

[Boss]

When someone starts asking what it means to be gay, or at what point a person is gay or straight, providing answers to that seems appropriate. You, apparently, think that doing so calls for being a sarcastic asshole.

Maybe if you didn't start a thread asking what gay means you wouldn't see people providing definitions of sexual orientations.

If you know what it means to be gay, why the thread? If you don't, why be a dick when an answer is provided?

Sorry, maybe the thread OP just went completely over your head?

Watch it there, you talked about a dick... Asclepias says that makes you GAY!

I didn't need a definition of what makes someone homosexual. That was not the intent or purpose of the OP. I hoped to have a mature adult conversation about sexual attitudes in the 21st century. A few people seemed to have gotten that point and have contributed wonderfully. A few others have taken the opportunity to flood the thread with juvenile insults and their closet-homophobia.

I think "gay" is quickly becoming an obsolete term... it's the new "colored people". It seems to be more of a source of divisiveness and vehicle for prejudice than any good it does to have around as a definition of individual sexuality. After all, our sexuality may change over time.... maybe not Assclap's... but many younger generation people... they are more "pansexual" or "metrosexual" than "gay." ....Don't fence me in! ...You know what I am saying? I think there is a sexual liberation happening with the younger generation and we're going to see less and less of the "he's gay" and "she's bi" stuff... it's not going to matter. People are people... they are who they are.

 

[Boss]

Clearly we disagree about what it means to say you find someone sexually attractive. I am pretty confident that Asclepias uses the same meaning I do, and that is why he continues to question your sexuality (seriously or in jest).

No, I think he continues to question my sexuality because he is a bigot. I don't think you are a bigot... you might be a bit homophobic though. I think we're closer to being on the same page than Assclap and myself.

Again, I can find someone sexually attractive but not desire them sexually.... male or female. We all have our personal sexual desires... that thing that turns us on sexually... and it varies from person to person. Some men like women who are dressed classy with hair done up, etc.... some like the co-ed cheerleader with white socks and pigtails... some like smoldering and sultry... some like perky and smiley... different strokes for different folks... some perfectly heterosexual males might actually be sexually stimulated at the sight of another man in drag! Does that make them "gay" or is it just their fetish? Who am I to judge?

My OP point is... it's 2016... why are we still trying to define sexuality in such a closed-minded and boxed-in way? Why can't we all just be who we are sexually without this labeling and categorizing? Are we not yet civilized enough? Are there still too many bigots like Assclap? And what can we do about that as a society?

 

[Boss]

What does being a virgin have to do with anything? You realize that one can be sexually attracted to a person without having sex with them, don't you?

I was pretty clear. If a woman is only attracted to other women, she is gay. If she has been attracted to men in the past, but no longer is, then she still fits the qualifications of being gay. I never said anything about 'if a person has ever'. That's you making things up.

For someone who feels the need to try and make fun of me providing simple definitions of basic sexual orientations, you sure don't seem able to grasp what they mean.

So, by your definition, you can be gay then not be gay and then be gay again? And this all resides on what is happening in the moment... if today, I happen to find a male who I am attracted to sexually, even if we never have sex, I am a gay man... but if I am sexually attracted to a woman tomorrow, I am not gay anymore?

Or is it, once you have a homosexual thought, you become gay from then on? You can fuck chicks exclusively the rest of your life and you'll still be gay because you had that one time you felt sexually attracted to the same gender? I'm just finding your definition very confusing.

 

[bodecea]

Gay = homosexual = mdk
Faggot= Statistikhengst
Lesbian= Jodey Foster
Bulldyke= bodecea Seawytch @skydancer

Can't quit us....like a moth to the Other Side's flame.

 

[bodecea]

...trying to work out his feelings regarding his sexual orientation on the sly just like Boss.

Hey, at 56 years old, if you haven't worked that out...what's the point?

You'd be surprised. That's right in the range of when closeted males can't take the lie anymore and come out in a blaze...usually leaving a family behind.

 

[MikeK]

For the vast majority of people the term "gay" is simply an inoffensive one syllable substitute for the five syllable word, homosexual.

To deny the need to designate gender preference is to suggest the reality of the preference does not exist. The need to know exists mainly to facilitate choosing a partner and to avoid wasting one's time: I recall "putting the moves" on a very attractive woman Marine ("BAM") for several days and being laughed at for my folly. I was too green at the time to realize that she, along with a lot of other women Marines, was "gay."

 

[G.T.]

*If you desire cock while not desiring pussy, you are gay. Pretty simple

if you desire vagina and dont desire dick, you are straight.

If you desire both cock and vagina, you are bisexual.

Theres no ambiguity, just simply another reason to whine about how others might use language, a meaninglessness.

*opinions above are regarding a male perspective

 

[Boss]

*If you desire cock while not desiring pussy, you are gay. Pretty simple

if you desire vagina and dont desire dick, you are straight.

If you desire both cock and vagina, you are bisexual.

Theres no ambiguity, just simply another reason to whine about how others might use language, a meaninglessness.

*opinions above are regarding a male perspective

thanks for the vulgar input, Howard Stern.... now, just go.

 

[G.T.]

*If you desire cock while not desiring pussy, you are gay. Pretty simple

if you desire vagina and dont desire dick, you are straight.

If you desire both cock and vagina, you are bisexual.

Theres no ambiguity, just simply another reason to whine about how others might use language, a meaninglessness.

*opinions above are regarding a male perspective

thanks for the vulgar input, Howard Stern.... now, just go.

You spelled accurate and very pointed, wrong. It's no problem, was happy to answer your o-p to any sane non busy-body individual's satisfaction. Being succinct isn't a gift, you know. Well, ok fuck, yes it is.