make your own "the most interesting man in the world" bits

[shart_attack]

He has seen the actual guts of a burglar.

 

[shart_attack]

He sometimes squats with his spurs on — and always bends the spurs backwards.

 

[shart_attack]

His butt has never hurt.

 

[shart_attack]

He can't listen to country music because the lyrical subject matter is completely foreign to him.

 

[shart_attack]

His mama never "said there'd be days like this" — because in his case, she knew there wouldn't.

 

[shart_attack]

His peers threw him his first roast when he was in kindergarten — and he promptly seasoned and cooked it for the teacher and them, right then and there.

 

[shart_attack]

The grass is greener on his side of the fence, because he frequently pees on it.

 

[shart_attack]

The skim milk he drinks is actually whole.

 

[shart_attack]

His college fraternity didn't do sorority panty raids, because the honeys had already given all of theirs to him.

 

[shart_attack]

He has played chicken with a phoenix — and won.

 

[shart_attack]

His joints have never popped, or cracked: but they have moaned with pleasure.

 

[shart_attack]

No size or species of cat will challenge him to a "stare off," purely out of fear.

 

[strollingbones]

at best most men can only hope to be amusing..at best

 

[shart_attack]

He once served a four-course meal — on a stick.

 

[shart_attack]

He brings ice chests full of beer on international flights as his carry-on luggage.

 

[shart_attack]

The scales on his goldfish are made of Kevlar.

 

[shart_attack]

His mucus contains trace amounts of platinum.

 

[shart_attack]

The Pussycat Dolls once sent him their dirty lingerie — and he sent it back, unsniffed.

 

[shart_attack]

He has a vacation home at "the point of no return".

 

[Toro]

He doesn't cry like a little baby when someone posts something he doesn't like in his thread.